Here’s the final video in the series on deciding whether to stay together or not

Some friends just celebrated their 34th wedding anniversary.

They seem very happy with each other… but who really knows?

Over the years in my practice and in my own personal life I’ve met a lot of people who stayed together in marrige for a long long time.

I’d have to say that these “long-time marrieds” fall into three categories.

1. Those who truly love each other and keep the fire of passion and interest alive. They are together because they truly want to be.

My parents were like that.

2. People who stay together because they think they should, it’s the right thing to do… but are either bored to tears with their marriage relationship or have turned it into something “irrelevant” like a form of hygiene, not particularly pleasant but not so terrible either.

3. People who truly don’t want to be together but are afraid of the consequences of breaking up.

Now I know people admire long marriages and celebrate the number of years like that is an accomplishment.

Personally options 2 and 3 are completely unacceptable to me… although I can see the values behind #2.

Number 3 seems like a dismal life.

Boldness in life is rare.

I say if you are going to be married give it all you have and turn it into a really great thing.

What’s the sense of being married if you don’t truly enjoy it or are miserable?

Convenience?

I think we can do better than that.

I believe in great marriage.

How about you?

To your great relationship future,

Dr. Max

Is your spouse “stubborn?”

Whenever there is something tough to talk about, or you have a legitimate problem to talk about, does he (I’ll use “he” for simplicity here) just

- fold his arms, or
- look away, or
- get that “out of here” look on is face, or
- walk out of the room, or
- “explain away everything, or
- turn it right back on you, or or or …

People can get creative about this

Of course we know this is an absolute roadblock to going any further.

It’s like you are driving on a road going somewhere you really need to be and you see a sign that says “bridge out ahead.”

It’s like you are driving on a road going somewhere you need to be and there’s a rockslide or a mudslide which stops all traffic…

It’s, well, frustrating as hell!

Listen.

There are answers.

There are ways around this “roadblock.”

I’ll be talking about some of those ways soon.

For right now I just wanted to say “I get it.”

I know you and I know what you are going through…

To your great relationship future,
Dr. Max

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