Once upon a time, you could barely keep your hands off each other. Red lights didn’t last long enough to complete the soulful kiss. Just the anticipation of being together was overwhelming.

But as the time passes, getting together became just another item on the to-do list. Can you revitalize a stale marriage? Of course you can if you’re both willing to turn up the heat. You’ve allowed too much of life’s problems to crowd out your interest for the relationship.

Do the words love, sex and marriage even belong in the same sentence together?

Work stress, commuting, finances, children or career dissatisfaction can be the slippery step to pushing relationship to the back of the line of priorities. You have to decide to make time for one another.

That means alone, uninterrupted time. To spice up your relationship again, you may have to take a long weekend away from office, phones and other distractions. Check in at a romantic bed and breakfast where there isn’t much else to do besides hang out together.

Or reserve the honeymoon suite at a hotel out of town and don’t open the door except for room service. Part of your relationship rut came from too many demands and too little alone time, so change that for the weekend.

Getting back in touch with each other in an “away from it all” environment gives you a sense of togetherness. Go for scheduling a couples’ massage at your favourite romantic place. The relaxation and comfort, not to mention those plush bathrobes, can give you new ideas after returning to your room. Or buy massage oil and give a massage to each other.

Before leaving your weekend getaway, go out for coffee and calmly discuss some of the habits that have deepened the relationship rut. You want to make sure to forbid repeating those when you return.

One biggie is a television or computer in the bedroom. Switch off the electronics appliances if you want to turn on your partner.

Once you get home, there’s a risk that you’ll get wrapped up in the busy routine whiles sex goes back to a “passing in the night” experience.

You must take time and try to enjoy each other. A regular weekly date night is important, even if you just go out to dinner. It’s part of connecting again as a couple and feeling that your relationship deserves attention and care.

You may not be able to take vacations alone when you have kids. But you can sneak away for a weekend periodically. Consider it marriage insurance – the best way to keep your relationship alive and strengthen your love.

Dr. Max Vogt

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