Shane in Springfield, Missouri has a problem with his wife. He says that after a long day at work, he just wants to unwind a bit. His wife, on the other hand, wants to tell him every detail of her day.

Steve, this problem is really common for married couples to have. In my book, I explain the intimacy paradox, which says that in a great marriage, you want to achieve 100% acceptance of yourself and 100% acceptance of your partner. This means accepting her behavior of telling you everything about herself when you are tired. See if you can tell her that you need to unwind a bit, and that you will listen to her during dinner. But make sure that after she does give you a bit of time to unwind, you really listen to her, and not just let your eyes glaze over. If you get into a good routine, soon you will both be enjoying these conversations.

Dr. Max Vogt

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Missy from Des Moines is worried about people finding out that her husband always lies about their children. She says that he tells their friends blatant lies, for example, inventing college degrees and leaving out their DUIs.

Missy, it is important for you to see where your husband is coming from. In my latest book, I talk about different marriage plans, or marriage blueprints. If he selected his marriage blueprint, he would probably choose the ‘Royal Family’; a type that is very concerned about their view in society and what people think of them. Give your husband a copy of my book, “You Don’t Have to Change Who You Are to Have a Good Marriage”, and read it with him together. The intimacy paradox, which says that a great marriage is possible when you accept your spouse 100% as he is, will be useful for you. Your husband may find the intimacy paradox interesting and also the exercise on how to lower his defenses. Good luck with changing your marriage, without changing yourself!

Dr. Max Vogt

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