It may sound shocking, but sometimes the best thing to do to help your marriage is to do nothing.

Let me explain

This one comes from both personal experience and years in the trenches as a marriage counselor

More on that in a second

If you've been watching my videos or using any of my relationship products on couplescoach.com or have attended a seminar of mine, you know I m always showing couples specific simple techniques…

I'm a big believer in simple steps to success in relationships!

And the research shows conclusively that people learn best with simple understandable steps

But sometimes you have to throw the steps out the window

I love my wife and we have a great time together

We spend more time together than almost any couple I've ever met who wasn't retired and get along better than any other couple either of us knows.

We work together, we play together, we eat meals together, we are together constantly, even though we might be working in different parts of the house

Most people – even when they love each other – would probably go nuts spending this much time together

Especially if they were married to me

I've got a lot of intensity and really like to move forward in everything I do.

Unfortunately some of that has spilled over into my relationship and I forget something

I forget how intense I am and then look into my wife's eyes glazing over and realize I need to shut up and relax

There's a time for pushing and a time for taking a break

Always pushing, always working on things is not always the best way to make changes

Sometimes the best thing you can do is

just

relax

relax

take it easy

This is one of the best things you can do… just let things go for a little while and take it easy

I forget what I learned in weight lifting early on in life

The maximum benefit of lifting weights doesn't happen when you are doing the actual lifting

It comes during the resting after

In relationships it's the same thing

I know things can be tough and it feels like the best thing to do is take some action

You just want to do something to make your relationship better

You want to try something

You feel you have to try something

Things just HAVE to get better

But this means your mind is nervous and jumpy like a monkey

You are focused on the things that are wrong and it can get to feel crazy

Totally crazy inside

This just feeds the monkey and he jumps around even more

Sometimes just stop and try this

Just step away from all those problems

Take a break from them

Just let your mind and heart take a break from problems

Take a deep breath

Let your mind and heart settle down

Many times problems will calm down when you stop pouring gasoline on them

You'll find that if you stop focusing on the problems sometimes you'll see the good things going on.

Then you can build on the good things, but take it easy

I totally understand that it can feel like "if this doesn't get settled today, then…." 

Well what?

Many times if you just take a break and consciously decide to "take it easy" you'll get more positive and more creative.

Positive creativity is enhanced by relaxation.

Brain research shows that a nap enhances your brain and it works better.

You can't think about good solutions when the monkey is jumping around.

Give the monkey a day off

Then tomorrow go here

http://www.CouplesCoach.com

And I'll give you some easy, powerful positive things to do.

Relax and then re-focus on positive solutions tomorrow.

I'm not problem focused, I'm relationship solution focused and relationship happiness focused. 

I'm the crusader for happy marriages.

Take the day off and then tomorrow go get some positive answers

I made this for you

http://www.CouplesCoach.com

Dr. Max

Posted via email from Marriage Counseling, Save Your Marriage, Stop Your Divorce

If you are like most couples, you are about as far apart as the Dems and Repubs on what should be done to help the health of your marriage  http://www.CouplesCoach.com

Posted via web from Marriage Counseling, Save Your Marriage, Stop Your Divorce