infidelity in marriage

These three tips  will give  you a good start in talking to your child about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s infidelity

The revelation that Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child with a household staff member can go from shocking to nerve-wracking when your child is sitting beside you. For a certain type of parent, questions abound: Should I turn off the radio or television and try to limit my child’s exposure to the sex scandal?..

These tips may not be the end of the conversation with your child about marriage, divorce, infidelity, as a matter of fact it may open up more conversations, giving you a opportunity to help your child sort out his/her feelings about some very diffiuclt issues.

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Dr. Max Vogt

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Dr. Max Vogt

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Dr. Max Vogt

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Most people are unaware they walk around with a whole system of beliefs about relationships.

But wait, answer these questions:

Is there one person in the world truly just right for you (a soul mate)?

Is the original passion you felt when you got together bound to fade over time?

Do you have to compromise in marriage to stay married?

Are women better at communicating their feelings than men?

See, you have answers to all these questions, don’t you?

That shows you have a belief system about marriage.

Here’s the problem.

You are surrounded with negative messages about relationships and marriage day in day out.

You are surrounded with confusing and just plain wrong messages about relationships and marriage day in day out.

Television shows, movies, commentators, music, advertising…

It’s entertaining, but it appeals to the lowest common denominator.

See people would rather think that things are too hard and that’s why they are failing.

If you think well there really aren’t any great marriages anyway, I’ve never seen any, then you are let off the hook.

Then the fact that your relationship is boring or a living hell just seems “normal.”

Then you feel well this is just the way it goes.

Then you have an excuse for either getting out or not working on your marriage.

There’s a better way.

Here’s the secret.

There is such a thing as a happy, passionate, powerful and positive marriage.

You don’t have to sit around and wait for someone to show up on a white horse.

It’s much easier than you think. Click here to find out.

Dr. Max Vogt

There are few marriages that do not need help in maintaining their relationship. A marriage without a good relationship is probably a marriage that’s not going to last. If it does last, those involved are usually not very happy and content.

You can ask What’s the difference between a marriage and a relationship. A marriage is a bond formed by two people in holy matrimony; and in the eyes of man and the law they are united and only death or divorce can separate them.

A relationship is a meaningful feeling that’s formed after marriage and will continue to grow and deepen as long as the marriage is maintained. Relationships should actually begin long before the wedding vows are given.

It’s easy to tell if your marriage needs relationship help although others may notice it long before you. Tell tell signs include going to functions but going alone and offering excuses for the spouse not attending.

If you are together, you’re constantly criticizing each other and complaining about numerous petty annoyances. Or, it can go to the other extreme and you sit with each other but never talk. No matter what the other does or talks about, it’s boring and uninteresting.

Other signs of a declining relationship might be a dramatic lack of interest in the intimacy department. You’re both young and attractive, yet the spark isn’t there anymore while you fantasize about others.

Affection from your relationship is not enduring. There are no hugs, no kisses and no one says I love you. Human beings need to be touched to feel worthy, happy and satisfied. Touching part is a important ingredient of a successful marriage relationship.

Jealousy can be a turn off for your partner if carried to extremes. For the person who’s jealous he or she may withdraw from being intimate because they may view their partner as being unfaithful. For the person who’s being accused of wrong doing, they could also hide feelings being tired of the constant badgering of jealous questions.

Be sure you’re not magnifying the circumstances while establishing basic rules for both of you to follow. If jealousy is a continuing problem and is growing, you should seek help.If you want to return in your relationship, jealousy has to be stopped.

Relationship problems can arise from debt. Deficiency of enough money in a marriage is usually a reason of concern but two people working together on a budget to live within their means can overcome a small income.

It’s when one or both spend too much money and the marriage begins to drown in debt that the relationship also begins to sink. Debt can literally drain the life blood from a once loving relationship.

All marriages suffer day to day problems in their relationship. Conflicts and disagreements are common and should be expected. Just take a relationship inventory from time to time to determine if you and your spouse are where you want to be. If adjustments are necessary make them and move forward.

Dr. Max Vogt

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Ron wrote:

We had been married for a year. We shared the same interests, felt very at ease together, had (often) discussed future plans and had even spent some of the holidays together. Our intimate relationship seemed right on track and just right in general.

Then, without warning, he said he “needs some time to think and figure things out.” He stopped talking. When he did, I was often met with silence. When I asked “what happened”, I just got a run around of excuses about how overwhelmed…

What happened? What did I do? I don’t know what to think.

Does the above scene sound at all familiar? If so, you can relate to being confused and stunned over the sudden change in a their behavior.

Now think about this – What if your intimate relationship wasn’t what you thought it was? What if unspoken issues had existed all along? What if there were signs you chose to ignore or just didn’t see? Are any of these possible?

Probably.

This sudden change in a couple’s intimate relationship is reported quite a bit by individuals who have just broken up with a significant other. Unfortunately, it leaves the person who has been “dumped” with feelings of low self-esteem, regret, inadequacy and anger.

There is often no real closure, as the couple is never able (willing) to talk through what went wrong or was never right with their intimate relationship.

So, how can you know what the problem was and hope to avoid a repeat of this hurtful experience? You can do this by examining your failed intimate relationship and gaining insight and understanding about what just wasn’t right between you.

In order to assist you with this; I am providing a basic framework of the intimate relationship stages a couple must pass through TOGETHER in order to get to a place of shared intimacy and commitment. If either person’s feelings change before, during or after one of these stages; it is not necessarily the “fault” of the other individual. It is simply a statement about the individuals’ rightness (or not) for each other. It is also a reflection of each individual’s intimate relationship readiness and ability to handle long-term, committed intimacy.

How an individual handles their changing feelings and resultant behavior toward the other is a subject for another article, coming soon…

For more go to Easy Marriage Counseling

Dr. Max Vogt

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