http://www.nowyoucancommunicate.com “I will help.” – Dr. Max Marriage counseling, marriage help, marriage communication, love sex and marriage, affairs, in-law problems, stop your divorce, I will help More on Open Letter To Those Who Feel Marriage Isn’t That Important

http://www.couplescoach.com “I will help.” – Dr. Max Marriage counseling, marriage help, marriage communication, love sex and marriage, affairs, in-law problems, stop your divorce, I will help More on Soul Mate: Is There One Out There For You?

http://www.couplescoach.com “I will help.” – Dr. Max Marriage counseling, marriage help, marriage communication, love sex and marriage, affairs, in-law problems, stop your divorce, I will help More on Marriage Danger Signs Which You Must Pay Attention to Now

http://www.NowYouCanCommunicate.com “Free Video Reveals the #1 Secret for Solving Marriage Communication Problems in Only Five Minutes” http://www.nowyoucancommunicate.com now More on Marriage Communication: Jenna Hates Chick Flicks (for now)

She wrote me that she’s so glad it’s over.

See, all that talk about love makes her feel bad.

She’s married, but feels complete separation from Rob, her husband.

It’s not that she hates him or anything like that.

She actually likes him.

But as she says, it’s ironic.

They are in the same house, but it’s like they are strangers.

Marriage just isn’t what she hoped it would be.

She dreamed of closeness and having a soul mate.

Meanwhile Rob feels the same way.

He doesn’t know who this person is he’s married to.

They say it’s like they are roommates.

They don’t fight.

They just don’t really talk.

Yes, they function and get the kids to school and pay bills.

But there’s a void there,

Why?

Because they don’t know how to communicate.

They just now got my course, which is why I know them. They both wrote me.

They have some big positive surprises coming.

Once they know some simple skills of communication, they’ll notice thawing.

They’ll find their love again.

I’ve seen it happen over and over again because of

http://www.NowYouCanCommunicate.com

This is the course that is using simple videos to change peoples’ relationships.

Dr. Max

It’s certainly not just about candy and sweet cards. Here’s a whole different approach which will help your marriage a lot

For more information click marriage help

At some time in every relationship you ask the question “should I stay in this relationship… or should I get out of it?”

EVERYBODY asks that question sooner or later.

It’s just human.

You get frustrated.

You get sad… angry… disappointed.

So many questions come up and where do you turn?

If you have ever asked yourself this question, “should I stay in this relationship or not,” then this will help you decide with heart, mind and soul. Click here

Dedicated to your relationship happiness,

Dr Max

P.S. I just got a note from a Marla (not her real name), “After hearing this recording I finally was able to make a decision. Now I know I want to stay married and have children. This was what I needed.”
Go here

http://www.NowYouCanCommunicate.com “Free Video Reveals the #1 Secret for Solving Marriage Communication Problems in Only Five Minutes” http://www.MarriageCommunicationSecrets.com now More on Marriage Communication: What the Bleep Are We Arguing Aboout?

Marianne from Minneapolis writes that her boyfriend is finishing graduate school soon, but wants to establish his career before getting married. She thought that they would get married after he graduated, and she now doesn’t know if she should wait for him.

Marianne,
In my book “You Don’t Have to Change Who You Are to Have a Great Marriage” I point out to couples that to see into the future, they sometimes have to look in the past. He may not want to commit to marriage so soon because his parents got married before they had a chance to establish themselves, or for a hundred other reasons. What is important for you to realize is that you have to accept your boyfriend (and that means his decision) 100%. If you can’t do this before you are married, you may not be able to do it after you are married. It may be hard for you to wait, but rushing him (and making him change his beliefs) could cause him to resent you in the future.

“I don’t know why you are so nice to our friends and so mean to me – you are like a monster at home. Nobody knows how badly you treat me.”

“Well if you treated me better, I’d be nice to you too – everyone seems to like me and think I’m great – except you.”

Uh-oh

Jekyll and Hyde – All Over Again!

It’s Jekyll and Hyde all over again, but right at home in your own marriage – Mr. Hyde at home and Dr. Jekyll in public.

Remember the story? In the book by Robert Louis Stevenson, Dr. Jekyll becomes obsessed with the dual nature of humans, the split between good and bad inside of us all.

He experiments and finds a way of letting out his “bad” side in the form of Mr. Hyde, the hidden part of him, since Dr. Jekyll himself was known as a very polite gentleman. In the end, his bad side – Mr. Hyde – takes over and there is just enough of a sense of right and wrong left that he takes his own life.

Sorry if I bummed you out too much there, but seriously, it does feel pretty deadly and toxic when your partner is so completely different – such a nice person in public and such an ogre at home, doesn’t it?

Where Did That Sweetie Go?

It’s confusing when the person you fell in love with, who used to treat you so nicely and thoughtfully, now is acting like you are an annoyance, or someone they don’t even care about anymore – or even like an enemy.

That hurts!

And you’ve tried and tried to bring this up, to talk about it, to find some way of getting along better; you might have even gone to counseling or talked with your pastor or friends, but nothing seems to help.

In fact, it seems to be getting worse; your communication at home is more and more strained and stressful, and it’s affecting every part of your life together. You don’t mean to take it out on your kids, the people at the office or you dog, but you find that you are kind of becoming a monster yourself!
You might have even thought, “I’ll give them back some of their own medicine,” to try to teach them a lesson. You think if your partner really feels how bad it hurts to be treated poorly, he or she can’t help but want to be nicer.

And if you tried that, I know what happened. You just got it back double, didn’t you? It just escalated the negativity between the two of you – just the opposite of what you hoped for.

The “Hydes” In Your Marriage

The main thing about Mr. Hyde in the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is that he springs out of a very civilized, proper, considerate and kind person (Dr. Jekyll) – and he himself (Mr. Hyde) is brutal, hateful, vile and murderous. Mr. Hyde has no regard for others at all.

I suspect that the “Mr. Hyde” you face in your partner – and in yourself – is much less violent and destructive in actual fact – but you (or your partner) may feel just as violated and hurt as if you were actually physically beaten up.

“He-Hyde”

He’s nice as Sunday School when out with other people, but a tyrant at home. Speaks so kindly and warmly with others when you are out, is funny and remembers little niceties about other people they are amazed he remembers. He’s generous and kind – and all your friends think he’s a doll.

It’s like he never says no to anyone else. He’s always agreeable, volunteers to help, is generous to a fault, As a matter of fact, he may even serve on the church vestry, the Toys for Tots Program, Habitat for Humanity, he’s just a model citizen and friend to those in need.

People adore him – and he never lets you forget it.

At home, it’s a whole different “Hyde.”

It’s like his favorite hobby is to make your life miserable. He refuses to communicate important details – and then blames you when something goes wrong because you didn’t know the information. He promises to finish tasks or be responsible, but then “forgets,” and is furious when you point it out, no matter how gently you approach him.

He blows up at you with the slightest hint of criticism or even the mildest, most innocent questions about his behavior. On the other hand, he picks at you constantly – criticizes and corrects your every action or word – and is obsessed with your every fault (“fault” in his eyes, anyway).

You end up feeling like a total loser in his eyes – and never get to be with Dr. Jekyll – the side of him that everyone else is in love with. And why wouldn’t they love that side of him – you fell in love with that side of him too, and keep hoping one day that wonderful man will be at home with you again – but it never seems to happen.

“She-Hyde”

Everybody knows “She-Hyde!” She’s the gal everybody wants to know and everybody cant get enough of.

She’s fun. She laughs easily at your jokes – she make you feel like you are the most interesting person in the world with her – if you are not her spouse.

Somehow she’s managed with your circle of friends to be close and loved by both men and women. Women don’t find her too threatening because she’s so considerate – but on the other hand what man could miss her natural sex appeal. Not that she is soliciting or suggesting an affair, but…

She would never exclude you, no matter who you are. A warm and friendly person, everyone feels welcome in her presence. Her friends always know they can get a big warm hug from her – even men, who sometimes misinterpret her natural affection for a “come on.”

But at home with “She-Hyde,” it’s like someone drained all the blood out of her veins and replaced it with ice water. She looks at you like you are not even there – or like you are some bug she’s about to squash.

She belittles you, nags at you for every deed you did and the ones you didn’t even do. The venom she spews at home could knock a full grown man down worse than a punch. As warm and tolerant as she is with others – she is that far in the other direction with you – like you are the only person in the world not worthy of her attention.

And as far as sex goes – she acts as if you are pure disgust to her – and sex is the worst chore she can imagine doing – if there is even any sex between you!

You’re Not Nuts – But It Can Feel Like it

And the real problem is – that you are alone with this truth about “He-Hyde” or “She-Hyde.” Maybe your closest friends understand – or maybe they are just trying to make you feel better.

Watch them with your spouse – chances area they are just as much under the spell of Hyde as everyone else is, but they are just sparing your feelings by empathizing with your situation – chances are they don’t really believe you.

You can feel pretty crazy when everyone else in the world sees your spouse as Dr. Jekyll – and all you get is Hyde!

Can I Get a Refund?

Look, you didn’t bargain for Hyde, you were buying Jekyll. How did you end up with the bad end of the stick?

Honestly, that’s way too deep to go into. Let’s just start where you are right now and see if something can be done.

Well – maybe – nothing can be done. You could think, like a lot of people, it’s just not worth the aggravation to keep getting “Hyde-ed” all the time with your spouse.

That’s OK. You’re an adult and have the right to make up your mind to do what’s best for you.

But if you feel that the loving wonderful side of your spouse is genuine and there might be a way to get your “Sweetie” back – what can you do then?

Look In The Mirror

You are not going to like this – but maybe the reason they are treating you badly really does have something to do with you. It could be that you are being just as rejecting and mean as your spouse –

If that’s true – and please try to be honest about it – the answer is “cut it out.” Start being nicer in the way your spouse wants. Listen to their complaints about you – there could be some truth in what they say.

Then try things their way for a while. You can always say “no way” later and bail out if you decide to do that.

-Dr. Max

copyright 2009 Dr. Max Vogt All Rights Reserved