Do you know of anyone that marriage counselling actually worked for?

Does it actually work? Either spiritual counselling or with a therapist. My mother has moved out and wants a divorce. I want to encourage my parents go to a councillor, but a few couples I know that have gone through marriage counselling are no longer together. If there is a chance that it might save their marriage, I can and will push them to see one.

Marriage: should we work on it in same house or live separately?

We have been together 12 years… 10 married. 2 young kids… we love each other very much… but are VERY VERY annoyed with each other & are finding ourselves put everything into the kids instead of us. We both have our agreements & disagreements but overall we have a good home life.

He has his quirks, I have mine…. but those quirks are becoming an issue because we are starting to resent each other and be mean to eachother over it.

I want to separate (house wise) so that we can have some space, realize what we both do & take a step back to give us a chance to miss each other…realize that things arent so bad & that we need to have “us” time more.

He doesnt want to separate because he thinks if we do…then we will end in divorce. He thinks that we can work on it while living in the same house still.

BUT… we have tried that before… and like always, it just goes back to the same old thing & routine.

Do you think its healthy to separate & go to marriage counseling?

Or stay in same house while going to marriage counseling.

Should we work on our marriage ?

My wife and I have been married for 6 years. I am 39 years and my wife is 38 years old.

We have two little boys – 4 1/2 years and 10 months. I would say that both of us are good parents.

I consider myself to be a very good dad. My elder son always introduces me as “This is my daddy friend”. I introduced my boy to Mandarin Chinese, Hindi and Spanish. My little boy can sing Chinese songs and read all Hindi alphabets. Thanks to him, I can also count 1-20 in 5 different languages. I have been also actively involved with other things such as my son’s school teacher and doctors. Numerous mothers have told me that I am a great father.

I have been who has paid for all the expenses in our household right from our marriage. She has not worked but I never cared whether she works or not. She complains that I have not opened joint bank accounts with her.

Here comes the bad part. I started accumulating anger inside me and it came out 7 days ago. She has no respect for me and uses denial of physical intimacy as punishment. She tells me that my breath is bad. She has thrown things such as knife at me in the past. She has hit my face with fist. She has never apologized for any of these things and simply denies doing them. We end up cursing each others family.

I lost my cool 7 days ago, became enraged and used lot of B**** words for her. Told her that I have never hated anyone so much in my life. Told her that she is a whore and she can sleep with whomever she wants.

She calls cops and takes our kids to her mother’s home. Goes to Judge, alleges mental abuse and takes a temporary 21 day Protection order against me so that I can not see my kids. I have hired an attorney to fight this Protection order.

None of us has filed for divorce till now. But both of us are probably ready for it. It is quite possible that she is getting ready to file for divorce. Should I also call it quits and file for divorce.

This was a love marriage but we never learnt how to communicate effectively and make sacrifices for each other. I think I have failed as a man to protect my family. Do you think that we should at least go for marriage counseling for the sake of our kids? How can we end up this cycle of mistrust and calling names? I do not know if she will agree for marriage counseling.

I have decided on my own to see a therapist for my verbal anger issue. There is no excuse for it to even lose it once. I acknowledge my mistake and will work on it. But I am not needy and will walk away if my wife wants it that way.
I accept 90% fault in this mess.

I still love my wife and my kids. I never got any appreciation or thanks for the things that I did for our family. Only never ending constant criticism.

Both of us are good parents.
Tracy is right that we tend to see more faults in others.

I saw few simple questions on a website and honestly answered them. Sadly, I determine that I have been unknowingly abusing my wife. ( I am not concerned whether she has abused me or not. This is trying to make a corrective positive action in my own actions.)

- Will I act differently with my boss or coworkers? – Yes
- Will I like it if my spouse was doing the same thing to me? – No

These are the questions I will ask myself in future before opening my mouth or doing anything and identify when I am about to become abusive. There is no excuse to behave in this manner irrespective of provocation.

I have decided not to file for divorce. However, I will respect her choice and immediately agree for it if she filed for it.

I like the answers from Tracy and Shineon.

Should I file for divorce if my husband had an affair, but still wants the marriage to work. We have 3 kids.?

We have been married for 5yrs. We have 3 kids under age 5. Everyone around us and including myself, thought we had the perfect life, the perfect marriage. After the birth of our 3rd child who is now 11 months old, he became increasingly unhappy and stressed. He finally told me he was not happy and realized he was hurting the family by being so angry all the time. He wanted to move out and enter counseling. I agreed because I felt I could not make him stay if he was so unhappy. However, I suspected something else was going on. Just before he moved out, I discovered 3 months of e-mails to another woman at his work. e-mails happened 10-15 times per day, he also had drinks with her, and kissed her twice (that I know of). He told her he loves her. When I confronted him, he said he was sorry and wanted the marriage to work. But he still moved out. For 6 weeks, I thought it was over with her, but just found out he still sees her. He still wants our marriage. What should I do?

Do you feel attacked in marriage counseling?

Went to my fifth marriage counseling visit yesterday and do homework every week, I’ve been married three years my wife moved to her mom’s house about 2 miles away a year ago due to my wife’s illness, she needed help with our son 2yrs old. Her being gone strained our relationship which we are now working on. The counseling focuses on changing yourself and so does the homework, so at the beginning yesterday I talk about my book and what I learned then my wife talked about hers and then quickly said and after reading about men, I insist my husband goes alone to talk about his past, his up bringing etc. I have been verbally mean in some instances but mostly I felt abandoned the last year, I have no history of any violence or abuse growing up or in this relationship, but my wife insist I go alone to “get straightened out”, I agreed but am disappointed, our counselor said “going alone is okay but can’t my wife just start fresh”, to which my wife replies not until I go alone. I just feel like counseling should be about both starting fresh and moving forward, why is she so stubborn? Thanks

Any good Christian Newley-wed books out there?

My fiance and I can’t really afford marriage counseling but we decided to at least read some books that might help us better prepare for marriage. Anyone have any reccomendations?

Marriage book recommendations please?

Can anyone recommend a good marriage book? I’m looking for something I guess to help us get over some trust issues and to help with communication. We are not arguing, we talk, we kiss, have sex but we did just over come a major problem in our life. And for the first time in 10 years we actually both thought about seperating but decided to put everything out on the table and be honest with each other. We know what our problems are, we want to work on them but don’t really know where to start. We know it’s going to take a bit and we are willing to take it day by day but since Marriage counselling is not really an option for us right now I thought maybe there would be some good books out there that could help us.

There’s just way too many titles out there so maybe someone already knows of any good ones?

Thanks for any help!

What are some good books to read before getting married?

My fiance and I will be starting premarital counseling soon and I was just wondering if you know of any good books to read about marriage or preparing for marriage?

My spouse has said I need counseling,I say we both do?

We have been married 18 1/2 yrs. Having a lot of fights, and I want to go to marriage counseling, but he wont. He drinks and drives, drops what hes doing for our family and goes and helps his alcoholic friend and spends money we dont have, we live week to week. I’m ready for a divorce but have 2 teanager and still love him.. Got any advice?

Advice on Dealing with Emotionally Abusive Ex Husband?

I was married to my husband for one year before finding out he cheated one me with several women and even went so far as to cheat on me via text, on our wedding night and my birthday He refused to work on our relationship, blamed me for pushing him away yet never told me exactly what I did to push him away, and after I kicked him out he told me he was so happy to be away from me and hated me. Yet, he would continue to constantly text me to ask how I was doing, say he wanted to be my friend and pressure me for sex, and then tell me how glad he is that we are divorced. He refused to work on our marriage even though I was willing to go to marriage counseling, and he stalled the divorce process and put me under so much legal stress I was hospitalized briefly. He makes me so uncomfortable. We have a small daughter together and we must communicate due to that. I dread when I have to talk to him or see him, he is always so rude, berative and treats me like I am poo on the bottom of his shoe, I have never seen a human being act so annoyed at another person, the way he treats me.

With that said, I need advice. He left his dog at the house after he moved out and only buys it food if I ask and ask and ask. I am at my wit’s end. I am a struggling single mom with minimal money. I cant afford to keep buying the dog food! Tonight I texted him that I need the food for his dog and how I have no money and he told me “Grow Up.” I told him he owns the dog and needs to help and all he texts back is “legal?” he is extremely passive agressive.

How do you deal with somebody like this? When I have to communicate, what do you suggest? Is there any way to communicate without him being emotionally abusive to me? After any contact with him I feel so low and beaten down. I have tried ignoring him for days on end but he will bust up my phone with texts. I have tried being sweet and nice but he gets even nastier and meaner. I am buying a house on my own next month (yay my first home!) and I am getting my degree which I never did when I was a stay at home mom. I work full time, and its like when I have success he becomes so mean I can barely tolerate it.

Help!

can marriage still work if separated ?

I just recently got separated, 1wk we are living separate looking into a separation agreement. We have three kids two biological one i had befoe we met…am from africa been here five yrs and since we met we had major ups and downs and affairs on both sides….we still remained married and continued to make it work..we moved and decided to start over..been going to marriage counseling till last week when everything exploded on the discussion on finances : briefly i feel we have to be one in everything but my estranged hubby works, i stay at home and when the money comes in he runs the finances and pays his bills not myne…has one account where all the money goes to and has not put me in it.
so with that said..he didnt agree on beingone as a couple…so we get home and says he wants a separation and he wants me to leave…so i left the next day withthe kids and staying at a neighbours till i get myself situated..i still love him but he has a lawyer and seems hopeless, any advice?

Serious doubts about marriage – alcohol a major problem?

I’m seeking some desperately needed advice. I am 21 yrs old, have only been married for about 8 months and am having serious doubts about my marriage. the first 5 months of my marriage was destroyed by my husband’s alcohol problem. he was drunk 4-5 days out of the week, spending a lot of money on alcoholl and not working. it was without a doubt the worst time in my life. when drunk my husband is very verbally abusive and threatening. although he has never phsyically hurt me, the emotional scars are very deep. in january i left him for 5 days and stayed with my mother. i eventually went back as he promised to go to aa and get a job. he went to aa a few times and got a job with me. for 3 months he didn’t drink and we got along very well. at the end of march i began to suspect he was drinking again but not freqently. i first i didnt talk about it because i didn’t want to “realize” it. now he has drank several times recently and gone back to his mean ways. I addressed it wth him this time through email because he wouldn’t talk to me about it at home. he wrote back a very heartfelt letter of apology. i suggested we go to marriage counseling but he won’t talk about that. since this happened he has been drunk a few more times. i’m incredibly tired of this. i have a million goals and dreams and am a very ambitious person. i feel as if his refusal to stop drinking is going to hold me back. yet i do love him and do love the times we have together when he is sober. however i promised myself i would never go back to that lifestyle of living with his drinking and cruelty.

i would greatly appreciate anyone’s input/experience abotu this issue. i should add that having witnessed someone’s alcoholic tendencies for as long as i have, i still do not entirely believe alcoholism is a true disease. if my husband wanted to stop i believe he would make the effort to, not just find a better way to hide it. thanks!

What would you do? I need real advice?

So me and my fiance are in marriage counseling because although we are great people, we have serious issues. So before we get married we want to get the help we need. During the course of this counseling he has confessed to me that he cheated on me at the very beginning of our relationship with his ex-girlfriend. We have been together for 5 years. Well of course I am heart broken but we are still together. Believe me telling me to leave is not gonna help the situation (my family has done their share of trying to convince me). The thing is I have not been feeling well for the last two months. I thought maybe it was because of the stress of the counseling. But seeing as I was still feeling this way my good friend told me to go to the doctors. So I went to the doctor yesterday and got the shock of my life. I am 4 months pregnant. I could not believe it well b/c I am on birth control. I have not told my fiance yet because every time I go to say it, I just cry. My question is how to tell my fiance this? I really do not want to bring a child in the world with some much of our mess. Please do not judge me. Although he did me wrong I still love him deeply and I can not just stop in one day. There are so many things that he does for me and he understands me. However any advice would be great!
Thanks in Advance!

Where do I go from here in my marriage?

I have been married for a little over 2 years. In the past year, I have had a baby. During my pregnancy and after having the baby, my husband has been verbally abusive and has also gone behind my back and talked to other women both in person and on the internet. The most recent low blow involved him talking to girls from my job. He says he was never sexual with any of these women, but he never confesses to anything until he gets caught. I left him, and after much begging on his behalf, I returned. He is back to saying mean things and being disrespectful. The women aren’t involved now, but he’s still degrading me and questioning my “lifestyle” which is far from secretive nor is it provocative in anyway. I haven’t spoken to him in 2 days and he has made NO attempt to try to find out what is wrong. It’s as if he could care less. We start marriage counseling on Thursday but I’m not so sure he’s really willing to work through this. Part of me wants out of my marriage, but financially, I can’t afford to do this on my own. I have a good job, just a tremendous amount of debt that’s in my name. Any advice? I know I can’t change him, I just hate the tension and I’m slowly dying inside.
I would also like to add that my parents are not in my life. My mom passed away in 2003 and my dad re-married and has nothing to do with his children anymore. None of my family lives near me and they aren’t a reliable source to lean on.

Advice on where to go next – attempting to reconcile our marriage?

I posted a question a week ago where I had cut off contact with my ex-wife except where necessary and she did a number of things over the last two weeks that appeared to be about trying to get back into my life. That’s what most of the respondents thought as well. I spoke to her yesterday – during that face to face conversation she was extremely angry and matter of fact. A number of non-emotional things I needed to talk about she stated her response and would not discuss it any further. Later in the day she did a complete backflip. She spoke to me on the phone and even ventured into some emotional issues. Most of the issues related to our son and what we were doing with him. She provided me with her mobile number which she previously hid, arranged to do some paperwork together on the weekend although she had the availability to do this on her own, dropped all of the disagreement points of the previous two weeks and then rang me on the way home and told me where she was now living. The relationship broke up because of constant arguing which we couldn’t work out how to stop. My stance on the future is I would happily reconcile but only after some continued counselling first. My question does this sound like a round-about way of trying to re-establish the relationship? Me making the effort to wave the white flag is our usual pattern of resolving issues so I can understand she had a reaction to this. Am I reading too much into this? What should I do next?

I’m divorcing my wife, and I need some good advice.?

I’ve been married for a little over a year, i’m 22 and my wife is 21, we live in Washington State. She comes from a strong christian family, and I come from a strong muslim family. We had sex once, she got prego, and we were pretty much forced to get married by our families. I don’t love her, and she doesn’t love me. All we do is fight, avoid eachother, and seek revenge on eachother. I told her I want a divorce, she cried, but agreed it would be for the best. We have a 6 month old and another one on the way, as much as i hate to say it, i’m already assuming she will get custody, being a man I have no chance. We are both equally fit parents, and we both love our laughter. I guess. My question is this, we own a house and a mobile home. I want to give my wife the mobile home and I keep the house. The house is a piece of ****, and the mobile home is a triple wide 2009 marlette. They are both in my name though, can I change the locks on the house and refuse to give her the key? And I don’t mind giving half of everything we own, but is it possible she can take everything I own? And can one of you guys please give me an estimate of how much a divorce cost? Any and all advice will be helpful

And people please don’t bash, i’m giving her half of everything.. everything nice.. shes getting custody.. and i will pay my child support every month..

And people please, don’t start suggesting marriage counseling…
I make close to 8 grand a month on average, I have no problem forking over 1/4 of my paychecks. I will probably fork the 1/4 and start saving up another 1/4 for their college savings. And I don’t want another girl, women are effing crazy, being single is totally fine with me. And she wants the mobile home, its a triple wide on half an acre, its worth over 80 grand. The house we bought as a fixer upper, its a piece of shit and will take months and months plus a lot of cash to make it look nice.
We both already agreed, she gets the mobile home and I get the house. We have nothing in the house, it has bad floors, holes in the walls, we bought it as a fixer upper to resell. But now I am going to fix it and live in it. And my wife is a registered nurse, and I have my BA in petroleum engineering. She gots around 32 grand in the bank which is her money, and I have 3 grand. We have no bills..

What would you do in this situation?

I’m going to give you all the back details that influence the situation first. I was a workaholic father from when I was 16 until 28 years old (I had my first child when I turned 21 and my second when I turned 25). During my workaholic era, I identified most of my life with my work instead of as a father (as most cowardly men do); during this period of employment, I left the child rearing experience to my wife who also did all the cleaning and who established the house rules without my help (again, something most cowardly men do)… I lost this job that I identified with in spring of 2010 due to reasons relative to ADHD, depression, anxiety, and a serious spinal injury that I never reported that happened while on duty. Since then I’ve been trying to atone for all the lost time and all the irresponsibility I put my wife through since I wasn’t contributing to the family… But wait!!! The tables have turned now!!! My wife is the old me and I’m the old her (well sorta)…

After 17 months of unemployment and having no health insurance to fix my health issues (back hurts daily and need pain killers to ease it on most days), I am now a stay at home dad who cooks, cleans, and nurtures all members of the family. My children were home with me the first 15 months and it was hard work but I got used to it. Now my children respect me and really appreciate me as a person; something I didn’t achieve while working because my wife was talking about me to the children about how I’m never there for her (behavior her mother did to her father). As far as my wife, she’s been working for the last 17 months and she has been supporting the family; I’m not completely proud of the situation because I know in American the man is supposed to be the one who works and the woman is supposed to be in the kitchen, but I don’t believe in stereotypes and this is working because of my disabilities… Well, like I said though, the roles completely reversed so now she’s identifying with her work/career and she is leaving the family behind (sort of). Here’s how it is a problem:

She wants me to include her in all of the family decisions, but she doesn’t make herself available to talk with me about them.

She wants a perfect house but she doesn’t contribute to cleaning it; she often leaves messes that take a long time to clean with my back hurting anytime I bend over or carry something heavy.

She treats me like she is the most important person in the house and she deserves pampering because of her status in the family; though I give in to all these requests, she doesn’t return the favor…

She thinks I’m the problem and I’m being “dramatic”, “too sensitive”, and “over-emotional”; she refuses to go to marriage counseling to figure out why she has me in contempt and why she is in a state of grandiose (I suspect she’s bipolar).

Lastly, we have never had an intimate marriage and she refuses to discuss why (I can’t talk about any personal issues with her at all unless it’s important to HER)… She admitted that she has to force herself to hug, kiss, or cuddle me and the kids…

What should I do? I need a teammate now that I’m willing to be one, I don’t think she’s giving me much to work with… I love her and I won’t divorce her; but being married to her for the last 17 months when I needed someone to help me cope with my job loss, discovery of health issues, and dealing with the bravery of being a good father, she was never there for me… Yes, I had 8 years of not being there for her, but I was working 100 hours a week so she could stay home and nurture the kids; all the while I was in pain from my injury (happened in 2004 when I was 22) and struggling with my ADHD/depression…

Help?!?!

I am losing the love of my life… she means the world to me… what do I do? Please help!?

I know I screwed up along the way. A lot. But I know and want to be a better husband. Here’s the story…

We have been together over 5 years, but we just got married in May 08(so about 5.5 months ago). Between years 2 and 3, I began getting pressured to get married… by our friends, her family, and to a lesser extent by her as well (she knew we needed time). I finally knew it was time to get married when I felt I was ready (proposed May ’07) and I approached her sister (she is also one of my closest friends). Her sister said “oh i’ll show you the ring she wants!” … she had already gone ring shopping… I knew she was ready.

Now, the reason I had been waiting is because I felt she wasn’t ready. She is a bit immature… lousy with bills… poor financial decisions… changed careers a lot… etc. She is 27 (turning 28 this month), but can act like a 17 year old at times. But that is part of why I love her. She is fun, funny, and unpredictable. I’m 29, fyi.

She had a small cancer scare a while back. I won’t get too far into it, but it had to do with her lady parts. She was scared that I would look at her differently and I assured her that I love her just as much as I ever did, and would love her forever. She had surgery and so far she is very healthy and there are no signs of cancer. She did not have insurance at the time, we paid her bills and I told her that we dodged a bullet. We decided that she needed to find a job, a good job that she could make a career out of, something that will last for a long time, pay well, and has health benefits. She agreed that this was the best thing for her. Oh my god, she was maturing! heh…

2 months before our wedding (April 08) she landed a good job at a 3rd party logistics company as an office manager. I was hesitant because I actually have friends that work at similar places, and know what they are like. These places are overwhelmingly male dominated workplaces, and most are in the early to mid 20′s, fresh out of college.

It was only a matter of time before the physical compliments started flowing in. I’m going to be honest… my wife is hot (and as many friends have joked, is out of my league, physically at least). There is one guy (actually, 2 guys) in particular that is (are) clearly very fond of her.

About a month after we got back from our honeymoon (mid June 08) I noticed that she was texting this guy… a lot. I mean… a LOT. He would ask her to lunch, and she would say “sure, come with me and my husband” (we have lunch every day, well, had lunch everyday) and he would say he couldn’t. I eventually learned what he really told her was that he couldn’t because he would feel awkward because he has feelings for my wife. I told her that the texting and the phone calls (not as many phone calls, but there were a few) HAD to stop, that this guy was after one thing…

Of course, she didn’t believe me. “He’s not like that” and “We’re just friends” were something I heard a lot. I told her it had to stop and she agreed to keep their conversations on a professional basis.

Months later, I would find out that the conversations never ended. I checked our cell phone bills and saw hundreds upon hundreds of messages back and forth. I confronted her about it and asked to see the messages… all of them were deleted… messages between her and other people however, were not. She insisted it was nothing of course… but why delete it if its nothing? She as usual, apologizes.

We began marriage counseling. It felt great to get somewhere and talk openly. In counseling we decided that she would stop communicating with him except on a professional basis. Again. She told me she stopped communicating with this guy. And then started to become “friends” with another guy at work. HERE WE GO AGAIN.

More deleted messages. More deleted phone calls. I had met this guy before. He told me my wife was hot, and that I should think its a compliment that guys want her. That kind of made me mad! heh I decided not to press the issue too hard, I started thinking that she was deleting messages because she was just afraid of my reaction. I dunno what I was thinking… I guess.

Well, she got smart, stopped using her cell phone and started using a different phone that I can’t get the incoming and outgoing list for, and using MSN instant messenger. I knew something was going on because I would see her typing and then would come over to see that she was not really typing with anyone at all… she was closing windows and stuff. So she left for the store and I hit the “log messages” tab on her MSN account. I know its psycho, but I didn’t care. I had to know. I realize I developed trust issues with her, so no need to point out the obvious.

When I looked at the conversations, the results were pretty much exactly what I thought they were. She was having an emotional affair with 2 guys from work. I blew a gasket. I told her I

How did you manage through separation/divorce?

Wow, where do i start. First, refrain from judgment if you can please. I got married 8 yrs ago. and i was young, 19. We separated 6 months into the marriage and reconciled a yr and half later and have been together since. I should have known then it wasn’t going to work out. BUT— I cant seem to come to terms with some of these things.
First of i love him , always will, but i am no longer in love. There has been traumatic events to hit my family and i over the course of 3 yrs, death, birth, car accident, foreclosure, 3 surgeries, new career, ect. After all was said and done i cracked, i played the hero roll and cracked. i lost my sister, who was killed, 3.5 yrs ago, since then i started to change. became less tolerable to his flaws, to his lack of caring and understanding. became more cold hearted. after i had my hysterectomy last year more cold hearted changes. i cant tell if its me or him or neither or both or everyone. i thought about marriage counseling and have for a few years but finally got tired of hearing we cant afford it or we dont have time. i no longer desire the want for that anymore. i know what i need to do, i am moving out, and we are parents. i am not sure how to explain this to my girls. i dont know how to 100% move on, even though i know its what is best right now. i cant help but to think about how he will react. how will he feel, who will hold him when he crumbles and if thats not me then who? and will he love another? these seem so superficial to me and confusing, but i am certain i am not the only one who has thought this. so now what? what are ways for me to stand firm on this and keep going forward?

Why women change so much with age?

My wife 37 yrs old almost 38, one day told she is not in love with me anymore. Started hanging with friends in the middle 20″s, going to the gym, burned the kitchen almost the whole house. We went to marriage counseling and always complaining about me. One day the counselor told her to stop verbal abusing me and just looking for minor details to put your husband down, She didn’t like it because was not in her side. She decided not to go to counseling anymore and do whatever she wanted it. She wen out one night and we argued about disrespecting me and my 6 years old son. Next week acting weird and iresponsable. She went out again during the weekend and I made my statement clear I am not going to tolerate this anymore. Make story short I found out that I new younger guy was in her life. I checked her cell phone bill and confronted it. We argued and left home two weeks later to a nearby apartment. 6 months later found out that the guy was just playing with her but with the divorce papers already in process. After 10 months of separation asked for forgiveness did it the wrong way. I am way better than the other guy but still wants the divorce. She wants us to be best friend obviously I said NO WAY just the father of our son.She wants me to find another women and be happy. she doesn’t trust guys anymore and now is spending time hiking and taking dance classes. I don’t know what is going on with her? Married for 10 years, 2 houses 1 is on rent. We traveled together every year during summer time. Help her to finish her career and became a teacher. Reason for the divorce, I was not romantic with her. That I was ashamed to hold her hands and kiss her in front of everybody.I do accept this but I always told her that to look around if others people were doing that. If that a reason for a divorce? Always complaining that I never did anything for her and that I neglected her. Now she is seen a woman psychologist that is telling her that once a woman ask for a divorce it is because they really want it. That is her version.
I am not talking or communicating with her, I want my space and live in peace. In our last conversation I told her that I am not planning to ask her to come back anymore. If she thinks that she loves me again to try it but not sure if I want to go back. I do love her a lot but to much damage in our relationship been done. My family doen’t know about the other guy just her mom that didn’t talk to her for 8 months. She doesn’t want me to go back with her unless she come back on her own. Mom is not helping her anymore and need to do everything by herself like a mature girl.
I am confuse about what that hell happen to her? She was an amazing wife and mother.
What should I Do? give me your advice.

How come mexican girls dont believe in abortion but its ok to have sex before marriage?

i remember seeing a lot of pregnant mexican girls when i went to high school and i know most of them are catholics and catholics dont believe is sex before marriage and abortion but why do they choose to have sex before marriage but not to have an abortion?

As a christian do you think its ok to have sex before marriage?

I just get frustrated seeing other girls having fun and I’m just keeping it in my pants. I’m not popular and I’m afraid when I finally find the right girl she’d probably have slept around. Sometimes I feel sick because I cant get these thoughts out of my head. How are catholic girls by the way? Advice would be appreciated.

Why is it considered ok by some to have sex before marriage, but not outside long term relationships?

If sex outside marriage doesn’t hurt anyone (I am NOT saying that IT DOES or DOESN’T, but this is the line of reasoning used by people that say sex outside marriage is OK, but not outside of relationships)

why are people who tend to have sex outside marriage considered “promiscuous” or “immoral” (value-laden terms) rather than “s-xually open or s-xually aggressive”?

I am not advocating sex-only-within-marriage or sex-outside-of-marriage, I am just asking why is there a double standard?

For instance, in Titanic – physical relations within dating relationships are considered healthy: http://images.allmoviephoto.com/1997_Titanic/1997_titanic_wallpaper_004.jpg
But not in short-term things: http://www.flickr.com/photos/26390580@N04/4359559455/sizes/o/
Thanks to everyone who answered.

But sex within marriage or sex within long term relationships is not synonymous with safe-sex. And short-term relationships or short-term relations is not exclusive with safe-sex practices.

If you don’t believe in sex before marriage is it ok to….?

I’m not asking for advice; I’m happily married and this is a purely hypothetical question. I’m just curious about people’s opinions. Say you marry somebody, you have problems, and you get divorced. A little while later, you decide to reconcile. Do you have to be re-married before it’s okay to have sex with them again? Or is it enough that you got married once and now you are intending to go back to being married?

Let’s be honest – What alternative therapy DIDN’T work for you?

I had crippling back pain several months ago and had always wanted to try acupuncture. So I booked into a local Chinese medical practice which I have heard several people raving about.

The practitioner did acupuncture, cups and massage. In my very honest opinion, the only part of it that had any affect was the massage. The fact that I was laying face down (taking pressure off my back) for about 1.5 hours while the procedure took place would have relieved my back to a degree also.

The other alternative treatment I have done is ear cleansing with the candles. Again, I have an ear that is prone to infection and on that same side of my head, the sinus get’s easily infected. I did a couple of treatments with the candles. There was absolutely no change to my condition.

What have you tried that didn’t work?

What can I do now that I’ve realized I will always loathe myself (even if I were to pursure therapy)?

I am currently 19 and I believe I suffer from depression. Long story short, I was bullied in school and emotionally abused by family throughout life and don’t remember a day when I liked anything about myself. I have been self-harming for a couple years and I fantasize daily about beating myself up or crushing my own face in with a large rock. Things like that. (No one in my life knows about the self-harm. They don’t know about anything at all actually; I put on a great act for them.) I tried self-help books: They all just told me to stop hurting myself because I “don’t deserve it.” But what if I truly believe that I deserve it? One cannot just change her true gut instincts about something, right? Beliefs aren’t chosen, they’re dictated by our own intuitive logic. And I truly believe deep down that I deserve any pain I receive either from myself or another. (By the way, this is NOT a cry out for coddling. Any of you telling me that I don’t deserve it won’t do anything — thanks, but really, it just doesn’t help. I believe what I believe, and I’m not looking for reassurance from strangers.) No answer that tells me to simply start liking myself will help. Picture your absolute worst enemy right now — would you ever be able to patch things up with that person? Well, that’s exactly how I view myself.

What exactly could help me now that I’ve realized it’s impossible for me to like myself? How can I lead a happy/healthy life while simultaneously accepting the self-hatred? (Don’t just say therapy, because as I said — they’ll only teach me to lie to myself by repeating positivity that I know deep down is bull.)

How can I raise my self-esteem?

I’ve been working on this for years. I have done cognitive therapy and arguing with the “inner critic” has gone on for a long time with no results, just more arguing. I have tried new hobbies and activities and spent a couple of years at each (a “fair trial”) but still do not have any regard for myself.

Since therapy and self-help books (which are based on cognitive therapy) have done nothing but set me up with eternal self-srgument, I figure there has to be something else. Either the therapy and self-help books are full of crap, and there’s some other secret no one will divulge, or else there is nothing that will help and no way to improve my self esteem.

How to overcome weakness?

I am trying to change myself to be a more strong and independent person throught life experiences and reading lots of books and articles . But in a moment of weakness, I find myself repeating my same old mistakes, proving that I am not developping myself at all. And I’ve been trapped in this vicious circle for couple of years..

Whenever I think I’ve gotten stronger, some problems happen and my reaction to them proves that all my efforts to get over my weakness are in vain..

Any advice? (other than go to therapy..)

Thanks

Let’s be honest – What alternative therapy DIDN’T work for you?

I had crippling back pain several months ago and had always wanted to try acupuncture. So I booked into a local Chinese medical practice which I have heard several people raving about.

The practitioner did acupuncture, cups and massage. In my very honest opinion, the only part of it that had any affect was the massage. The fact that I was laying face down (taking pressure off my back) for about 1.5 hours while the procedure took place would have relieved my back to a degree also.

The other alternative treatment I have done is ear cleansing with the candles. Again, I have an ear that is prone to infection and on that same side of my head, the sinus get’s easily infected. I did a couple of treatments with the candles. There was absolutely no change to my condition.

What have you tried that didn’t work?

What can I do now that I’ve realized I will always loathe myself (even if I were to pursure therapy)?

I am currently 19 and I believe I suffer from depression. Long story short, I was bullied in school and emotionally abused by family throughout life and don’t remember a day when I liked anything about myself. I have been self-harming for a couple years and I fantasize daily about beating myself up or crushing my own face in with a large rock. Things like that. (No one in my life knows about the self-harm. They don’t know about anything at all actually; I put on a great act for them.) I tried self-help books: They all just told me to stop hurting myself because I “don’t deserve it.” But what if I truly believe that I deserve it? One cannot just change her true gut instincts about something, right? Beliefs aren’t chosen, they’re dictated by our own intuitive logic. And I truly believe deep down that I deserve any pain I receive either from myself or another. (By the way, this is NOT a cry out for coddling. Any of you telling me that I don’t deserve it won’t do anything — thanks, but really, it just doesn’t help. I believe what I believe, and I’m not looking for reassurance from strangers.) No answer that tells me to simply start liking myself will help. Picture your absolute worst enemy right now — would you ever be able to patch things up with that person? Well, that’s exactly how I view myself.

What exactly could help me now that I’ve realized it’s impossible for me to like myself? How can I lead a happy/healthy life while simultaneously accepting the self-hatred? (Don’t just say therapy, because as I said — they’ll only teach me to lie to myself by repeating positivity that I know deep down is bull.)

How can I raise my self-esteem?

I’ve been working on this for years. I have done cognitive therapy and arguing with the “inner critic” has gone on for a long time with no results, just more arguing. I have tried new hobbies and activities and spent a couple of years at each (a “fair trial”) but still do not have any regard for myself.

Since therapy and self-help books (which are based on cognitive therapy) have done nothing but set me up with eternal self-srgument, I figure there has to be something else. Either the therapy and self-help books are full of crap, and there’s some other secret no one will divulge, or else there is nothing that will help and no way to improve my self esteem.

How to overcome weakness?

I am trying to change myself to be a more strong and independent person throught life experiences and reading lots of books and articles . But in a moment of weakness, I find myself repeating my same old mistakes, proving that I am not developping myself at all. And I’ve been trapped in this vicious circle for couple of years..

Whenever I think I’ve gotten stronger, some problems happen and my reaction to them proves that all my efforts to get over my weakness are in vain..

Any advice? (other than go to therapy..)

Thanks

does marriage counselling even work?

experts?
experiences?
details plz

Do you think marriage counseling works?

In your opinion, do you think marriage counseling works?

I have a friend who’s going to go and I’m just concerned that she may be wasting her time and money.
What’s your thoughts?

how can we make our marriage work?

Me and my husband need help with our relationship, does anyone have any ideas on how to make a marriage stronger because neither one of us is ready for our relationship to be over. Something we could do besides marriage counseling

childhood molestation is mesing with my marriage?

From 3-4 years old my older sister molested me.she made me promise not to tell anybody and I felt horrible. After a while I made myself forget about it.Sometimes it affects love making with my husband, because when he does certain things that make me have flashbacks.

I don’t want this to keep torturing me, has anyone gone though and overcome this? Any books I can read? I can not afford therapy right now.Thank you.

Marriage advice wanted from spouses of bipolar or severely depressed people?

I have been with my husband for about 10 years, but we are having issues around my chronic depression.

I used to cycle in and out of depression, with hypomanias, but for 8 years now, it has been chronic depression, that cycles from severe depression to very severe depression, along with the seasons. Treatment failed, so nothing can be done except to cope (I tried for YEARS – I even had ECT). He sees my therapist and psychiatrist with me about half the time by his choice.

He has his own disability issues – he is legally blind for 8 years (he can see, but not drive, and some everyday tasks are difficult). He has diabetes and has some problems due to aging. He is angry with me that I “don’t let him drive.”

He is fed up with my depression problems. He is angry that I talk about how bad I feel, and how I am negative, but he also says that he cannot tell I am having a bad day unless I tell him so (mixed messages). He says he doesn’t mind if I am too depressed to clean up food prep items in the kitchen, then other times he says he resents it. I always do my best to clean up after myself and get things done around the house. He claims he knows this is true. It is also true that if my doctor knew how bad the depression is, he would put me under Assertive Community Treatment and I would be getting Haldol injections and be a 300 lb. drooling turnip in front of the TV for the rest of my life. This doc is pushing me to take Clozaril, a rarely used
antipsychotic drug that requires weekly blood tests and routinely causes 100 lb weight gain. I won’t agree to that.

My husband resents it when I use the internet or read books, because if I can do that, he thinks I can do my chores. I suspect it is his resentment of me in general that is speaking.

He is against hiring a housekeeper a few hours a month, even though we can afford it, because she “might steal things.” We are crushed by maintaining 3 rural properties, cutting firewood, growing most of our own food, fixing everything ourselves, etc. We both value doing these things, but we’re totally overwhelmed, and feeling overwhelmed causes me to have a lot of breakdowns. I think that he is in denial that it is impossible to keep doing all these things.

I make huge efforts to pass for normal, and he has told me many times that he cannot tell that I am depressed.

The fact that the depression is so chronic, and his health problems are clearly permanent, it is wearing on us both. We are regularly physically affectionate with each other. I think caregiver burnout is a HUGE problem here.

Those of you with severely depressed spouses, what would ease your caregiving burden? Would you prefer if your spouse kept silent about their depression, so you didn’t know about it even when it is very severe? Would you prefer they made tuna helper and cleaned up, rather than cook a much better meal from scratch and don’t clean up (not enough energy)? Would you prefer to go, or not go, to therapy and psychiatry appointments? How should I handle it when depression completely steals away all my positive emotions, including affection, love, etc? Fake it? Should I just hire the housekeeper anyway? My husband will not give me straight answers. Tx for any insight.

Did WOW ruin your life/marriage?

I am 25. My husband is 32. we have been married for 5 yrs. As of 2011 we had our 4th miscarriage that lead to my husband burrying himself into a fantasy world.. WOW. We had a million conversations about how he needed to stop. For the most part he only gets on a few hours a day, YES HOURS!!! the house isnt 100% neglected, thanks to my nagging. I manage the whole house, I assumed that because of the loss he was trying to escape the hurt, I was wrong. We seperated last year, got back together on the basis that he would stop playing the game. My father who is now my husbands best friend, encourages the game most of the time. You can not take them to dinner without hearing guild this raid that level this.. blah blah! Im defeated. While i am a very attractive female and men notice me a lot, I try hard to keep it all friendship. My husband does not touch me, it leads me to thinking that its me. I cry, a lot., Ive gone through counseling and therapy and just come to realize through the time that its him and not me. The worst is like tonight, i will pass by his office in just heels and encourage some *FUN* and he will say something like ” Let me finishing killing these guys” or ” we are in the middle of a raid” and thats it. Heels off, tears on. Ive asked several guys why he doesnt pay attention and they all say the same thing, If they were with me they would stop the game for that kinda fun. So what am i doing wrong? I try to give the space and let him have 2 nights a week where i dont bother him at all, i go to the gym and i make plans with my girlfriends. But to be turned down from him all the time, I just feel defeated. And when i try hard and make attempts with outfits or book rooms he either doesnt show up or all of a sudden hes not feeling well. We dont make love, we have quickies. 5 years!?!! it should still be fun.. right? What else is there?

What Party do I belong too? Am I a democrat or Republican?

I dont know what party i belong too, I was wondering if people would help me and point me in the right direction. Here is what I am:

I am a born again christian. I am a 9/11 Truther. I know 911 was done by the us govt/us military/ global elite. I believe there motivation was a one world government, where they will have absolute increased superpower, where we will live as slaves to them. I dont like abortions, but i dont want it outlawed, because i dont want 100000 babies found in trash cans, or killed by there own parents themselves, or ending up raped/beaten in a home. I believe gay marriage should be illegal, but i do not wish any harm on gay people. I do not believe they should be persecuted. I do not think they should go to jail or anything. I am against the death penalty. I am for light prison sentences and help especally on first time offenders, I think we are too harsh on criminals. Those without sin cast the first stone. I believe we are all capable of every crime, and can be pushed to commit every one. I am so anti-war i am boarder line anti-military. I do not support the troops/ I am against violence. I hate guns, violence, war. I do not wish harm on the troops, I pity them. I support draft dodgers, I felt so sorry for the draft dodgers, how they had to goto canada. They should have been amnesty in 1965 not 1977. I think they should abolish the Fed and the SSS. I wrote a letter to draft dogers of vietnam in support and told them i supported them, and many others do, and what happened, doesn’t speak for all of them, and I encouraged them to build there draft dodgers monument in Nelson BC. If i was ever drafted, i would dodge the draft, and help as many people as i possibly could. I hate guns, but i thought they should be Legal, mass murderers agree, hitler, stalin, =gun control works. I dont want a repeat of that. I think they should raise the military age from 17 to 21. I think military recruiters should be out of our schools and colleges. I think when people want to join the military they tell the truth about suicides, PTSD, homelessness. I believe the wars in iraq, Afghanistan, and libya are all scams, a 10-year scam for oil, money and power. I think George bush and dick cheney should be in prison. I do not support Obama, I believe he is a globalist. I support Ron Paul, Bob Barr, Chuck Baldwin.
Charlie Sheen and Rosie O Donnell and Alex Jones are Hero’s who fought for our freedom, I believe Alex Jones deserves the Nopel Peace Prize and i wrote in support of what they did. I believe sex offenders should be protected by hate crimes laws, and if its consensual up to 5 years after age 14, they should not be on the offender list. (up to 3 years under 13). The ones under 3, i feel sorry for. Im not saying they should not be punished, i believe in probation, and explaining why its wrong. not jail or sex offender list. I support draft dodgers, war deserters, war resisters, peacekeepers. I support peace and love. Not guns and war.
I support the Constitution and freedom. I believe you are always First Innocent until Evidence Proves you are guilty. I believe Nothing, and I mean nothing justifies torture. If somebody is going to be tortured, Then I believe God Almighty has a responsibility to intervene and make sure it doesn’t happen. I do not believe in a pre trib rapture, I am post trib. I believe in heaven and hell. I believe the people in prison should be made to feel comfortable in there cells. If they need medicine, therapy, help, they should have it, books, cards, they should be allowed to request single cells if they feel threatened or uncomfortable. Be allowed to go outside, play sports, use the phone. I believe in the SSI, SSD, Food stamp programs, etc.