Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Questions Before Marriage

Is it possible my marriage is over after 2 /12 years of marriage because of…..?

i have been married, i thought happily until a few days ago, for about 2 1/2 years now. we have an 11 month old boy who is Just awesome! my husband gets upset cuz i don’t have enough sex with him. maybe once a week sometimes more. but sometimes im so exhausted a feel stretched too thin. i told him he’s put on weight (about 40lbs) i put on weight with my pregnancy and has since lost about 80 lbs and have about 20 more to go. he tells me im fine and he’s gunna start getting jealous. one minute everything is kosher the next he says we need to go to marriage counseling. the last time we had a talk, about 4 days ago, i asked him what can i do to make him feel better- he said he didn’t know. i feel like he wants sex on his terms and conditions. i sometimes feel used. he may only sleep in the same bed if he wants to get laid. other than that he’ll sleep in the guest room or on the sofa. he is also bi polar, but takes medicine for it. i guess my question is, is it possible my marriage can be over already over sex?! p.s. when we do have sex after orgasms he wants to have sex four or five times more. and he wants to do that like every night. i work full time as a cop and am Simply exhausted after work, my son, exercising, cleaning, cooking, shopping etc. he told me if i put have as much energy into him as i do working out, he’d be okay. sometimes i just feel like throwing in the towel. has anyone else been here before? how should i deal. we’re going to try counseling in January, but im just curious if anyone has been at this point in their marriage so early on. thanx

Is this the right thing to do in my marriage?

I’ve been married to my wife for 11 years, we’ve been together for nearly 12 years. We have three kids together and I have a steady job and she’s a homemaker. We have no bills, own a car that’s paid off and taken trips together, saved money etc. In short we have a provided life. Well speaking for myself, I’m not happy. We rarely have sex, intimacy, or passion. For a few years now, If I’m lucky sex is maybe once a month (a unique trick considering we have three kids). Over the years we have fought and fought, argued and disagreed. We both have our faults and have hurt each other over the years with terse words that at times still continue to hurt. I think my wife is very controlling, OCD type on how clean she wants the house, and an anger problem. This past weekend, she got upset with me because I spilled ketchup or something. As I went to clean it up an argument ensued and she began calling me names like stupid and a word that rhymes with witch. I had made peace with her that day to prevent our weekend from being ruined.

On Monday we resumed an argument about a car mechanic part problem that we continued to have. We both got upset with each other and instead of the issue being solved it just was exasperated as both tone and demeanor became more aggressive. I understand her anger because I had procrastinated on fixing our second car and I did say something hurtful about her being cheap and not wanting to get rid of the vehicle which is over 15 years past its prime and becoming a money pit. But she elevated the argument to the tenth degree but calling me names in a vulgar language and just screaming. I kept trying to remind her of our promise not to use bad language but it was no use. Her anger, tone of voice, and pitch had worn me down and I reverted back to my shell of just ignoring her (but having mental thoughts about how unhappy I was and I wanted to be alone again). At the end of the night our usual routine was to ignore each other and sleep alone (a usual trend in my marriage).

When I woke up the next morning, I had new resolve to end the marriage. I was done. I went to work a mess and after talking to some coworkers and my boss, they both recommended I split the finances from our joint savings to another account. We had agreed before that if we were to ever split, we would divide our assets 50/50 but I had wanted to protect myself unlike my friends, one of whom just recently had his ex wife take about $90K from their savings draining it. Was this wrong for me to take 50% of the money from our joint account and put it in a single account?

I had resolved to tell her about this and that I wanted a divorce. But when I came home she was crying and apologized to me. But something has changed in me where I feel love towards her but now I question if I’m in love with her? I want to tell her about the money I removed but it was hurtful. I brought up divorce (in a sincere tone) to try to discuss what would happen if we did it. She said she wanted the kids (which tears me up because they are the joy of my life). I told her that if we were to stay together in our marriage we have to go to counseling and make sure we actively participate. The last six months I went to marriage counseling alone, she went to one session, but I told her she and I needed to learn the tools to make our marriage work otherwise we would fail in our marriage.

Last night she tentatively agreed but she also wanted to fly back home for two weeks to think about things. Was this the right thing to do in my marriage? Am I being underhanded by removing 50% of our savings to a single account?

I do plan on talking about it today, last night she was to emotional, but I also wanted to share my thought on us remaining in a marriage. I know I have feelings for her, and I appreciate her, but I don’t have that “love” connection because I’ve been hurt so much by the name calling. It has eroded my self esteem and I don’t want to fight like that in front of the kids anymore. To me, the name calling and verbal abuse is just plain disrespectful and I don’t know how any marriage (or relationship) can survive without respect.

Is this the right thing to do in my marriage?

Thank you for reading this entry.

Sexless marriage – how long before one should move on? Separation and Dating also.?

I married young (20) because I was scared and in love. I was desperate all my life, thinking no man would stay with me because it was “inconvenient”. I am almost 25 now, and I have grown a little, and am no longer scared of “being alone”.
My husband still loves me a great deal, but I no longer find him attractive – and he will not change anything about himself. He says I am “shallow” and need to get over it.

Am I just going through a phase of depression and will one day find him sexy again?

Also, I wonder if he is so stubborn we are not meant to be. He says I complicate everything and am never happy; but he is so stagnant and conservative about any change.
He has no passion, he is boring – but he is stable. I see him as a brother, not a lover. Counseling? He says no.

How long I should wait until I decide it’s pointless?

Should I get a separation for a bit and date other men, or will other men think I am still taken?

So many questions – thank you for reading.
My husband I do not verbally fight.
We stopped that our second year.

He is my best friend and I tell him everything. I even told him how I feel.

We have no children.

I am seeing a therapist weekly because I think it’s me more than him.

I am praying and trying to meditate and not fill my head with media garbage.

I don’t want either of us to suffer and I love him enough to work on my issues before tackling his – but he is still refusing to budge on some that really bother me.

It feels like our love has become conditional and based on favors. I am a very giving, sacrificial woman – I am highly sexual and devotional – but I have my limits and will not give up my entire identity and my lifestyle to rot in suburbia.

When we married, I knew he was a little conservative, but now he’s a true blue-collar, 9to5, work-a-day joe, living life on cruise control.

I thought marriage was for better or worse?

My husband and I were together for about a year and a half before we got married. Now we (would) have been together for about 4 1/2 years. He recently left me and moved all his stuff out of the house

I have been diagnosed as bipolar and have been taking meds but still have mood swings. I understand and have told him that I understand that I can be a bit much to handle at times. Our relationship has been rocky since last November. I sent him an email when I was having a really bad depressive episode which led him to leave work and take me to the hospital basically for a suicide watch. I have only attemptedd suicide once, a long, long time ago. I have never attempted it again, as I have a son and would never do anything that would leave him alone. Since then, it felt like my husband and I have had a decline in the relationship. He has left once before about a month before he left me this last time (while I was at work), but I asked him to come back so we could start to actually talk about our problems. He agreed so he came back. The reason why he left this time is because I was having an extremely bad, bipolar mental state day. I sent him another email, basically telling him everything that I was feeling frustrated about between us for the last little while. He didn’t like it, so he moved out almost completely a couple days later.
It’s been 3 weeks since he moved out and we’ve had barely any contact because he wanted limited contact with me. In the last week or so we have been emailing each other, generally about our personal affects, but in the last couple he said he doesn’t see it working out but won’t come right out and tell me it’s over. All I get is a vague timeline, but he said that he ‘won’t be a whipping post’ for my emotions. He also doesn’t answer all the questions I have for him for my own peace of mind, which makes me feel worse because it sounds like the only reason he left is because he doesn’t like my bipolar mood swings (not that I like being this way).

I guess my question is, Should I just end this now? Does it sound like he is using this to get out of a relationship he no longer wants to work at? Should I just accept the seperation, but hope that he would like to try again later down the road? He has already said that marriage counselling is not an option for him because he ‘already changed so much of the person he is to try and make it work’.
I have been trying to figure out the right meds and the right dose for several months now, as well as seeing a therapist for the last year and a half. My husband also started closing up towards me over the last year, and by doing so made me feel not very supported.