Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Questions For Couples

MarriageCounseling answers:

Yeah, it sounds like the therapist is asking the right questions. He/she knows if your wife won’t commit (cutting off the other relationship), then there’s not much that can be done. The therapist can’t force this on her, or ‘tell’ her what to do, but is leading in this direction.

My experience as a pastor has taught me that when someone is having an affair, they ALWAYS say, ‘I’m not in love with you and I haven’t loved you in a long time’. It’s not really true. It’s just what is said, either out of justication and/or because they compare the infatuation they feel for someone else and the non-reality thrill of seeing someone on the side with the reality of being together all the time, paying bills, and raising kids.
But when they move in with the ‘new’ person, after awhile it’s together all the time, paying bills, and raising kids. Some realize this and work on the new marriage. Some just keep going from one relationship to another.

I’d like to recommend a book called Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson. The basic premise is that as long as you let her ‘have her cake and eat it too’ there’s very little incentive for her to change, and it also makes you unattractive if you are always ‘available’. Women still want a man to be decisive and lead, even if they say they don’t. Especially if you are begging her to stay, etc, it makes you less desirable. The book is not about being mean. For men or women, it’s about realizing love must be chosen.

I hope she will realize the crappy, hurtful choice she has made and repent of it. Nobody will ever think your child is as wonderful as the two of you do. Obviously, there was something there to be together so long. It’s worth rekindling.

Staying in an affair – or maintaining ANY kind of contact with him – and trying to ‘work on’ your marriage is like somebody trying to improve their job performance or marriage while they’re still drinking or on crack. It won’t work. It’s like an addiction that blinds a person to anything worthwhile in their marriage.

If she won’t end it – completely – then separate and do whatever you need to do in order to protect your relationship with your child and continue to provide a stable home.

If she will end it, I’d like to recommend another book called His Needs Her Needs by Willard Harley. The basic premise is that if a couple meets one another’s needs, it’s almost impossible to not feel ‘in love’. It helps you each identify your top five needs. For the most part, men and women have some common top needs that are similar among genders, but seldom the same as the other gender. But we are all unique also.

If you are not in church, I’d like to recommend it so you will have a spiritual foundation of support whether you are working on marriage or going it alone. Don’t hesitate to tell friends and family how you are feeling, and ask for their encouragement, presence, or whatever other support you need. If it’s still a secret, at least reach out to one friend or relative or a pastor or somebody to confide in – not somebody to give advice but just to be a friend. You need that.
This is so tough, I really feel for you. Saying a prayer.

MarriageCounseling answers:

You are doing your best to serve God and honor Him with your life. You do not have children to protect. You are very wise to understand the serious implications of being exposed to sexually transmitted diseases. You did not enter this marriage with the intention of divorcing, and you have sought to make the marriage better. Your husband is cheating on you. Men who cheat do not change. Men who cheat with more than one woman are incredibly deceitful and do not know any other way of living and being. His desire to enter counseling is a farce. Your moral, religious and legal obligations to your husband have expired due to his behavior. Religiously speaking, get a divorce, the sooner the better. Practically speaking, run like hell and never look back.

MarriageCounseling answers:

It sounds as if the counselor you both went to was just not a good match.That doesn’t mean the counselor was good, bad or indifferent,,,,,,,,,, just not the right one for you two . Look for another counselor who is more compatible for you and your husband. I don’t know or need to know what happened in your marriage but I am a firm believer that marriages can be mended and as time passes be just as good or better than ever. The thing is you two need an impartial. Subjective person to kind of decipher what’s important out of all the pain, blame and guilt.It”s always something that the two people involved can do.

MarriageCounseling answers:

I suggest you talk with him face to face, no instant messaging or phone calls, but face to face and you look directly into his eyes when you talk with him. The first question you ask him is do you want us to stay together and continue to live together? When you ask him this question you will be looking into his eyes, and you will be able to notice his body language when he is speaking with you. Were his eyes to turn away from looking at you and were he to look down or to the side while talking with you, it is very possible that he is not telling the truth and he turns his head away because he knows he isn’t telling the truth and wants to hide it from you and feels he can’t hide it from you if he looks into your eyes, when just the opposite is true. Were he to look you in the eyes while talking with you, chances are he is telling the truth. Watch his body language and learn what he wants and whether he wants the relationship with you to continue. You will then have an idea as to whether you can or will forgive him for cheating on you. I do not suggest having sex with him until he has been tested for STD’s, HIV and AIDS were he to have had unprotected sex with the other woman. Were he to have had unprotected sex with the other woman, you will have to wait until he gets the results of his tests before having sex with him. It will not be easy for you to have sex with him knowing that his thing was in another woman before it was in you, but in time you may get over it. I am sure you have lost trust in him and as you state, you need his respect. He did not respect you by having sex with someone else, and you are right in demanding respect because you placed your complete trust in him. He violated that trust and you have a right to be hurt by him violating the trust between you. Will you be able to hold onto the trust were he to want you in his life? This is a hard question and one that can’t be answered quickly. It will take time for you to learn if you want to continue in a relationship with him that may lead to marriage. Some people say that once a cheater, always a cheater. This isn’t necessarily true for all, as some people make a mistake in judgment one time and will never repeat it again. This is something he will need to ask himself and answer you truthfully when you ask him whether he would do it again if the same situation presented itself sometime in the future. He may not want to marry you and is looking for an excuse to end the relationship and he found a way to do so by telling you he had sex with another woman. He has hurt you by doing so and now it is time for him to face the music so to speak. You will need to confront him and learn what his intentions are in the relationship so you can make the decision to stay with him or move on with your life and find someone with whom you can have a mutual loving and committed relationship. Learning the full story from him will help, but that isn’t all you need to consider. Does he unconditionally love you and are you number one in his eyes? This is the big question and one that may determine if he is committed to the relationship and wants it to continue with the possibility that you two will marry each other. He realizes he made a mistake that his mistake may ruin the relationship he has with you, but were he to be completely truthful with himself and with you, the mistake can be forgiven by you. The other question is will he forgive himself for making the mistake in judgment? Perhaps relationship counseling will help you both, but you will need to learn if he is committed to the relationship before you and he go to relationship counseling as were only you to want to have the relationship counseling and he doesn’t want it, the counseling won’t work for this relationship but were you to go to relationship counseling for yourself it will help you move on with your love life in whatever direction you want it to go, so I do suggest you take care of yourself and get counseling for yourself so you will get to know yourself better and know how to give and how ask for and get what you want in a relationship. A relationship takes constant work to keep it running smoothly and that includes married couples. I am married and my wife and I work on maintaining and improving our relationship all the time so it gets better in time rather than deteriorates in time as happens with many couples who get into divorce court. You seem like a rational person and one who will listen before taking action. This is a good trait to have because you don’t want to make a decision that you will be sorry for later. Now it is time for both of you to start thinking of what you want out of this relationship and whether you both are willing to work together to achieve what you want. Time will tell and you both will know how to proceed. I am hoping you and he will be able to work this out and become husband and wife someday. You will be giving both of yo