Your Questions About Does Marriage Counseling Work After An Affair

wife had an affair. trying to sort out my emotions?

my wife had an affair on me while i was deployed. she decided to keep this going when i got home. she convinced me that she was good friends with him. i decided to give into it until i had concrete evidence. come to find out, she had a separate myspace page and facebook page only he knew about. apparently he never knew we were married. my wife lied to us both over and over. i found the text messages she sent and the secret myspace/facebook accounts. it totally blew my mind. the other guy is a military member like myself. she begged me not to turn him into his 1st Sgt. i decided to let her handle this. not even 2 days go by and she was at a concert with him and his friends. i found the photos online. i confronted her and startted an argument. a couple days later, i turned him into my 1st Sgt and got a “no contact” order placed on him. my wife found out and went insane on me and threaten divorce. she didnt want him to get in trouble for what she did but that didnt matter to me. i decided i needed to protect the integrity of my family and marriage by removing this other guy from the picture. matters are harder for her now and she cant get over the fact she had an affair behind my back. she is going deeper into depression. we have been in marriage counseling for a month and it is helping some. she has a doctors appointment to be checked for depression (which i am sure she has). she is not sure what she wants right now and after a month, she is still not ready to talk to me. i want to see my marriage work out. my marriage is definitely worth fighting for. i admit i made some mistakes on my end but it was not enough to push her to an affair. there is no excuse for cheating. my wife is flip flopping her emotions everyday. she actually cried once a week for the past 6 months because of this affair. she is taking this very hard and i have been rather calm about it all.
i am trying to sort out how i feel. i just know i want to make this marriage work after all that has happened. i hope treating my wife for depression will help make things better. whether we are together or not after her treatment, i still feel i need to try and make things work. we have 2 kids together but i am not trying to stay with her because of my kids. i want to stay with her because i love her deeply.

Does anyone else hate a parent who had an affair?

My dad cheated on my mom and she just found out about three years ago now. They went through counseling and worked out their problems and now seem to have a pretty good marriage, and he is faithful to her. I never really liked my dad growing up, and my mom always pushed him on me because I think she knew, but after this happened I really hate him. My mom has forgiven him but I’m really having an issue with it. If anyone has found a way to forgive or get over/accept this please let me know because it is starting to effect my relationship with my mother now.

Married women wants to be friends after an affair.?

Met women, got close, found out she was married, hurt, find out her husband had 2 emotional affairs that she knew of with some girls of the internet. See how he abuses her. She screamed for a divorce, he crys, he changes after 4 years of abuse. I move on, do my thing, she says she needs me, wont let me go, i feel bad, stay, then she says she believes her husband changed. She is now falling in love with her husband again, he promised to change. No counseling, nothing but me coming into her life changed.

I tell her your married, if your talking to me, your not working on your marriage. She says she knows whats best for her. Told her i do not want to be back up, when he fucks up, its why you dont want to leave. She replies, even if we were to divorce tomorrow i wont be with you. I said ok, then leave me be.

She tells me she loves me and cant let me go.

I dont mind being friends, but why does she want me around so bad? She tells me it hurts her so bad that she cant be with me.

She is financially bound to her husband until she finishes up her court proceedings. And he has supposedly changed. I feel bad for being blunt and mean to her.

One question i really need insight on, what are her intentions with me?
Yes i should of left, i do still love her. She is unstable i know, prolly because of how much her husband verbally and mentally abuses her.
Yes she is crazy, and unstable, she admits it. being very manipulative and having deep seeded emotional issues.

One other question, how do you explain the husbands reaction, and we share a lot of the same friends, not matter what she will always be around
GUYS THANK YOU SOO MUCH, PLEASE GIVE ME MORE INSIGHT, THIS IS REALLY HELPING

Why do I feel like I could have saved my marriage with a husband who was addicted to weed, alcohol & porn?

I lived my last 10 yrs with a husband who was addicted to marijuana, alcohol, porn, has had 4 DUI’s in the past 5 years, now has a revoked drivers license for the next 4 years and had an affair in 2004 and most recently is in an affair with his gas station manager who never divorced her husband, sold her house in another state and actually purchased a home six blocks from my home. My husband left me and our 10 yr old son in Feb 2008 and now lives with her. I am 47, he is 41. Wow, looking at what I just wrote it looks like I am the crazy one for staying with him. That’s what happens when we think we can change someone. I don’t do drugs, drink very seldom, have a good paying job, I am attractive but very overweight from depression and lack of self esteem. I took care of him, my son, and everything else in the our home from bills to household problems. I took care of everything except myself, and look where I am today. Sex was no problem in the beginning but now I realize it was because I always initiated. When I got tired of initiating, being ignored, going everywhere with my son alone (and not my husband) and so much more, the sex stopped, not because I was going to teach him a lesson, but because I was not interested anymore. Sex was not important to me anymore. You want to give affection when you get affection. After all of this, my husband was able to walk out of this house and away from our son and I blaming me for the affairs, no sex, I was overweight, I was never going to change, he had no money, (he mostly worked as a gas station attendant) and the story goes on and on. He walked out of marriage counseling after we talked about my problems and started on his. He has never been physically abusive, called me any names, he gave me all his paychecks minus his $30.00 a week weed money, he did dishes, the laundry, cooked some meals, was the bathroom cleaner and never once in 10 yrs complained about watching our son or complained of having to take our son with him anywhere (he did not drink but did smoke the weed). So I looked at him as being this very good husband and father because of the few things he did do. I then figured out that he was like a child and quickly doing his household “chores” so he could then go out and play as he had admitted, his jobs were at minimum wage, he was more interested in smoking weed and having oreo’s and milk after work than showing his wife any attention (for years) and more. I have been in counseling for 14 months with a drug and rehab counselor, not because I have drug/alcohol addictions, but I was trying to figure out my husbands behavior and why he would shack up with his boss instead of working on our marriage. It’s simple, I finally set some boundaries in my marriage, his desperate married girlfriend allows him to smoke weed not only at home but right before they go to work, he drives her new truck with a revoked license, she didn’t want kids so has no other responsibilities therefore has time for sex that I am sure she always initiates. I tell myself she thinks she got Willy Wonka and the golden ticket, but all she got was Willy Wonka. This is my problem, why do I feel like she is looking at me as the loser because she has my husband, like I am the wife that didn’t give my husband sex, didn’t take care of myself, didn’t pay enough attention to him, ect…. What pyscho would actually “purchase” their home 6 blocks away from the current wife as if to say, ha, ha, I got your husband. Can someone please help me to understand why I hate her so much when I am the normal one and she and he are not. The counselor, who knows my husband also, explains to me that I am the normal one, maybe not normal for being with my husband for so long, but that the marriage crumbled along time ago because of the substance abuse. Can I please get some views on this except what an idiot I was.
Sorry, I did not write that I was married for 2 years already before getting pregnant, those were the only 2 good years. I did not get married because I was pregnant and never would for that reason only. I do appreciate everyones input, it does help me to understand better.
Some people do change when a child is born, unfortunately for my son, his father did not. I took the risk of him changing and my son lost. I am a great mother and hold my sons happiness higher than anything else.