Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Tips

Marriage Advice for successful marriage?

please, serrious answers, and if you have been married for a lot of years- that’d would be great too. Any wise words. words of caution, tips, ****anything/s would u do differently**would u suggest pre-marital counseling, if you do, how did it help you- what things should i be awre of, ask him, etc..any warnings..thanks

Seriously considering leaving husband, but worried about financial aspect. Any tips?

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 1/2 years, during which, he was deployed to Iraq for 15 months. He’s also a wonderful father to our 16 month old little girl.

Since he got back from Iraq 9 months ago everything has been different. I realize that after 15 months of separation we wouldn’t go back to the same little life we had before the deployment…we magically became parents somewhere in there too. But we changed it ways I didn’t anticipate. He’s become more easily angered, closed off, and just plain mean. I find myself looking forward to him leaving for work. And when he come home I become immediately stressed and extremely emotional. He didn’t used to say things just to be mean, but now its a daily occurrence. I’ve been miserable for months and not one day has passed without me thinking of leaving him. I’ve been seeing a therapist for a reason unrelated to this, but have been talking to him about all of this hoping it would help. My husband, on the other hand, has repeated told me that we don’t have any problems and doesn’t thinks counseling is necessary. He knows I’m on the brink of leaving him and asks me not to go, but does nothing to show me he wants me to stay. I don’t want to raise my daughter in a home where her parents are constantly fighting or ignoring each other. I’m currently a stay-at-home mom and about to start school in next semester. My husband is the sole source of income in the family and my family is all over 1000 miles away. I know at this point I should leave him if he’s not willing to fix our marriage.

What steps should I take? How do I do this with school starting in a month? Can I do it and school too? Do I get my own cell phone plan or just pay half of existing family plan? I guess its just the financial part I’m worried about…I’m just a high school graduate who hasn’t had a job in a long time since being a stay-at-home mom / Army wife. I really don’t know what I’m doing. How often should he see our daughter? How often to call him and let him talk to her? Any tips?
Yes, I have talked to my husband…many times, over many months. I’ve done it calmly, I’ve gotten angry, I’ve cried…nothing I say to him seems to get through. I tried again the day before yesterday and was so calm it surprised even me. I told him how miseralbe I am…I have been. I told him I’m highly considering leaving. He looked shocked, but said nothing. I just felt nothing…not sad, angry…just tired of having to tell him the same thing over and over again and never have it sink it. Actions speak louder than words…maybe he’ll finally get it.

My wife asked me to get some erotica for us to watch…need advice?

We have been married for 12 years and we have 2 kids 8 & 10. We did watch some porn in our first year of marriage but nothing major and nothing since then. Our sex life has never been very good and we aren’t always very intimate in general. We started going to marriage counseling a few months ago, and at the last session the counselor suggested that my wife get some “erotica” (her professional term) to get her more in the mood.

Today we visited the counselor again, and the topic came up. I volunteered to “get her some movies” during my upcoming business trip to bangkok, where i know there is a large selection. She responded “ok… how about amateur movies like the ones we used to watch on the playboy channel a long time ago”

So, I can probably find some kind of amateur movies… but I’m still afraid of exactly how to handle it when I bring them home. My wife is very conservative and we have had a lot of difficulty getting to intimacy. Has anyone been in this situation? What are some tips that I should or shouldn’t do? I am afraid she will clam up or not like the movies… or maybe she will watch them and like them but then still not want to do anything.

Suggestions?
for those of you bashing the fact that i would buy porn in bangkok, there are lots of reasons for this. 1 – i’m going there this weekend and it’s just convenient 2 – it’s cheap, a couple dollars per disc, so I could buy 10 movies for the price of one at home, 3 – i don’t want to make a big deal of it, like i’m going to the porn store in our neighborhood, 4 – it gives me something specific to shop for when i’m there over the weekend, 5 – i don’t want her to know that I already know all the places to get it on the internet 6 – if she has the discs she can watch them herself on the DVD player 7 – the download programs tend to infect our computer with viruses ( i learned this the hard way) 8 – i am scared that she will not like this idea, as she doesn’t like any idea about sex, and so i’m just nervous and probably botching it up.

My wife says she has never had the spark/butterflies for me what do I do?

After almost three years of marriage my wife had an affectionate affair while I was deployed. She claims that she is not in love with me (but loves me) and she has never felt the spark or butterflies as she says it for me, however she has had that feeling with other people before me and she said that usually ended in heart ache. We have had arguments like this in the past about butterflies and the spark sometimes with her threatening to leave which she has never done. She says she married me because I would not hurt her and I was a great guy. I have never understood the spark idea but I know that I have done everything I can to think of to put it there for her. I want her, I love her, and I need her. she is my world and my love and I do not know what to do. I am still in Afghanistan and just a little over a month I will redeploy. I have known officially about the affair for 4 days now and I have been able to intervene and break it up. She swears that it was because she was never receiving that feeling from me and started to get it from her friend which led to the affair. She has agreed to marriage counseling and is currently seeing a Physiatrist and case worker (army way) she was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and has now been on her meds for 2 days. When I return I am expecting to help her move out of the house so she can live on her own and learn that she can be independent of me and grow up as she says it. She also wants to re-date (me)as an effort to find that spark that was never there for her. I am in tremendous pain and am severely depressed and I haven’t had much sleep for about a month. While my suspicions started to connect events. Right now my only life source is a phone and computer and I want her back. She seems doubtful that the feeling won’t ever be there but I know I love her with every fiber of my body and I will do anything and learn anything to have my love. Tips and suggestions are appreciated. Please don’t mock her there’s more to this story than just an affair (feelings with kissing) Please help!