Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Advice Questions

Why does everyone seem to think that all problems must be treated with counseling?

Every time someone asks a question or wants advice, I keep seeing people telling them to seek counseling. Are those people getting kick backs from the “counseling center”? It truly disgusts me that people think that if they have a minor problem, they need to go to a counselor for help. Other terms for counselor include Phsycologist, Therapist, Marriage Specialist, and Quack. You know, I once met a woman who claimed the title of “Marriage Specialist” and had never been married. Anyway, I think therapy is a waste of time in most cases and there are less expensive and more effective ways to make youself feel good about your life. I am just wondering if I am the only one who feels this way.
I know that there will be a bunch of answers that will tell me how right I am (hoping for that “best answer”) and about as many that will tell me to seek counseling. I just want to know if there is anyone who will actually put true thought into giving me an answer.
to add to my query (especially after seeing some answers) I am not a “manly man” and I don’t even drink. I am a 43 year old man who has been married for 19 years to a wonderful woman. I have 7 great kids who I feel are as normal and well adjusted as could be. I never said nobody should seek counseling but I think that traumatic experiences qualify as requiring counseling. A Woman asking for advice about her husbands annoying habit does not call for couseling.
I am not a counselor but have been in many of the circumstances that so many people have said should seek counseling. To name a few, Physically abused as a child, held a freind in my arms as he died, failed in stopping a suicide as a cop, served in the infantry in combat and lost buddies to it, and quite a few more. I have never been to counseling and have weathered things very well. I just think that there are other and better alternatives to counseling.
Underground man, you must be in the field that I am challenging. Why are you so defensive?

Double Standard of my marriage and parents- sorry so long, really need some perspective!?

So I asked a question last week about what do with my parents, and I agree, I need to step away from them- however I need to talk to them as well. I’m 27, married, with a 5 month old. My mother’s husband and I have had our ups and downs (he has 2 children, 2 grandchildren, that refuse to talk to him now) and my husband and mothers husband DO NOT GET ALONG! My step dad has HUGE communication issues, as well as a chip on his shoulder towards everyone. My husband is a point blank, if you disrespect me we’re done kind of a guy.

My mom and I have had a different relationship as well throughout my adulthood, where we have always been able to have harsh conversations, take time away from each other and make up. But since being married, she has always taken HER husbands side, and sacrificed her own feelings on issues…… like my step dad didn’t come to our wedding because we wanted to elope and not have a “wedding” until we have been married 10years. Its just our philosophy, we want to be able to say “let’s keep doing what we have been for the last 10 years,” rather than hoping we can fulfill ALL those promises, kind of makes us feel less pressure, also both of my parents have been married and divorced 3x/each a piece, and his parents have been married FOREVER (they eloped too!)

So now comes the point where I am married, and choose take my husbands side on a lot of issues as 1. I am married to him, but most importantly 2. I fully agree with his perspective (he doesn’t make irrational justifications like my step dad) My mom takes her husbands side and uses that as the reason “its my husband adn we are a team” especially for things that are REALLY important to me to have my mom present for but he doesn’t come (like the birth of my child and wedding!) And when I was the reason, its my husband and we are a team, she says that doesn’t matter I shouldn’t rely on his needs before my own. My husband even set aside his differences for Christmas, and went away with us for a family weekend out of town- THAT IS HOW MUCH my husband is willing to do for me just so I don’t feel bad- but he is now finished with my parents, Xmas was the last straw for him, nothing HUGE just reinforced why he doesn’t want my parents around me if they can’t love me unconditionally, my MIL is my BFF if that matters.

But we have a 5 month old, that I don’t want her to lose her relationship with her grandma, that would break my heart, but I can’t stand my step dad’s waivering feelings all the time, and my moms docile attempt to “make it work.” Also, my mom has brought up numerous times what she thikns my husband is or isn’t doing, and the idea of what a marriage looks like, however hers doesn’t match that ideal at all. (She and her husband have been married 8 years, adn in counseling for 7.5) My husband and I have been married a year, and took parenting classes together, no need for counseling at a year of marriage!

So my question is HOW do I approach my mom, whom always becomes defensive about her husband, and tell her that our relationship needs to separate form our husbands, without her losing her cool with me?

I have gone to counseling with her NUMEROUS times, I have tried the “good daughter no matter how you make me feel” I have tried the putting my foot down, only to take it back, but NOW I am at the point where since I have a daughter, I don’t EVER want my parents to treat remotely the way the have me….. conditional love, and I am afraid since they haven’t changed their way of thinking in the last 8 years, why would they now?

What is the better course of action? Parents with adult married children s advice would be extremely great for perspective.

Ladies I need your help and advice?

I really need ladies point of view . My wife left on august 28 which was her son’s 18 th birthday . we had a fight the day before about her texting emailing and calling her ex husband’s and boyfriends she had a party on her son’s birthday and was letting minor’s drink and I called the cop’s . She got a ticket for letting them drink and one of the kid’s got a ticket also . I had problems with the way her kid’s treated her which I posted on here before They would cuss her and treat her like dirt and I do love her and the disrespect really bothered me . We are trying marriage counseling now to try to work things out so here is my question when we were at the councilor today she said that there was sexual abuse in our marriage , I could not believe what she said so I ask her to explain and she said ( once you told me to kiss you like I meant it ) . My question is do any women see that as sexual abuse . I did not mean to offend her in any way but I personally did not think that statement was abusive . Please tell me what you think
to the first three answer’s Thank’s cause I was really felling like dirt I did not mean to offend her and I do love her

Why are some Churches so evil with greed?

This is my experience:

* Saved by the blood of Christ in 1983. I enjoyed my Methodist Church.

* I was married in 1985 and my job moved me 600 miles away a year later.

* Went to new Church at the new location, a Holiness Church. It had a fairly large congregation. People uttered in tongues, rolled on the floor etc.

* About a year later my marriage was in serious trouble. The new job didn’t work out very well and we didn’t have any $$ for marriage counseling.

* Desperate, I went to my pastor and asked if any member of the Church was licensed in marriage counseling.
He began questioning us about why we didn’t fill out the 10% pledge card, and not doing so was an offense against the Church. He explained again that God demands 10% of all my gross earnings if I expect to be blessed.

He refused to suggest or refer a professional counselor among the congregation, opting he does all counseling “Himself” and set our first appointment a week later.

My wife and I went, and all he could say or ask is “Ok, what’s the problem?” that’s it. No advice, no digging and no interest in us at all.

He set another appointment for next week which he canceled for the following week which he again canceled until we finally gave up.

* A year later we divorced, but God works in mysterious ways and met the woman of my dreams 5 years later and we married with a storybook marriage until now.

About 10 years ago me and my wife began attending a Baptist church. Once again came across the pledge card and was questioned by the pastor about it.
Again, demanding 10% of all my gross earnings “So God can shower his blessings upon us”. I told him that is the wrong spirit of giving and we left his Church.

A couple years later again found ourselves attending a Baptist Church with our neighbor, who lived with her two young sons in near poverty. Her Church’s paster hammered the 10% pretty hard, but it was not a requirement like the last half dozen we visited.

Our neighbor was riding with us to Church one morning and she told us how she was going to give her whole 10% and she was unsure how to feed her kids at the end of the month, believing God will provide.

She was very proud of what she was about to give, and the sacrifice for the Church and handed the pastor the check after the service quietly, out on the steps..

He hands it back to her and exclaimed “God wants you to DOUBLE it” and hands it back to her.
Me and my family were standing right there and I really gave him a verbal lashing about it, and forever lost my faith in organized Church.

Why does God allow such evil and corruption to continue in his Church? SURELY the church leaders know what they’re doing and the attitudes they create against the Church.