Joseph asks…
First marriage counseling appointment today. What to expect?
We are both really nervous and things are bad enough that we are afraid of what they will have to say to us.
How does the first session usually go? Do they ease into things or are we going to be asked difficult/painful questions today?
MarriageCounseling answers:
First, excellent choice to go for counseling (I am not saying that just because I am a counselor) and that is great that your husband has agreed.
It can be slightly scary when we think about going for counseling, for the first time. Every counselor is different, but here is what to generally expect:
The first session will be paper work and setting some expectations. The counselor will then ask, “So…tell me why you are here,” or something like that. Whoever wants to start can and when one has said enough the counselor will ask or talk with the other. The counselor will probably suggest you do some homework and/or get a book to cover together.
Counseling should mainly help both of you reconnect and relearn how to work with tools that foster communication and reconnection. You can say as much or as little as you wish, but the more honest you both are, the better.
Keep in mind that being comfortable with your counselor is important, so if you do not mesh with him/her, you are more than encouraged to let him/her know and go to another. When you call the counselor you can definitely ask him/her what to expect before you even go in. They should give you a general idea. Also, every counselor will use a different type of therapy, so you can never really know what to expect.
Counseling is a great gift and thinking about going shows that you both care about your marriage.
Mark asks…
Some marriage questions??? Please all help out!?
what do you think of Premarital Counseling. Do you think it is necessary to take some classes before you go and spend your life time with somebody. And does anyone know where i can find a cheap Premarital Counselor in the Mechanicsburg Pa area ? Thanks for you answers!
MarriageCounseling answers:
It’s crap. You can get the same information from a late night TV infomercial. Stuff like, “Never go to bed mad.” What bs. Or the good ole, “Marriage is 50/50.” Please, some days it might be 50/50 but most days it’s 70/30 in the morning and by that night it’s 15/85 the other way.
Bottom line if marriage were so simple there would be no divorce. You’re going to get out of a marriage what you put into it! The best advice I can give you for a man is don’t fall into complacency. If you do you will both get bored with the relationship. The best advice I can give a woman is don’t expect us to change. Our toys may change as we grow older but basically we are just 18 year old men in a 40 year old mans body.
Thomas asks…
will marriage counseling work if…?
He wants to fix marriage, but I’ve been through so much that I just want closure and to start my own life without him. If you want to know more about situation, check out my other 2 questions posted.
Will counselling be productive if we go in wanting different things out of it.
I know that I’ve done thing’s “wrong” I’m definately not perfect, and I’ve never had a problem admitting my faults and getting help with them. I believe in counseling and have used it before for myself. But it’s different in this situation. I’ve used counseling to help deside that I am through with the relationship. But he has refused counseling and marriage counseling until I showed divorce papers.. now I think he wants a quick fix and is going to be dissapointed.
MarriageCounseling answers:
I seriously doubt it. If you have your mind made up, all counseling will do is take your money and your time so you can explain to him why you are done and he will explain to you why he wants to try. By the time my ex was finally willing to go to counseling, I was so done with the idea. Good luck though, I wish you the best.
Susan asks…
marriage questions?? any advice/?
ok now if he had truly loved me he would not have wanted to see me with anyone else. I know that now. I think we should be apart, but the thing is i am on disability due to a blood clot and i don’t get much money and he knows that. He even said well he could take his money and go anytime. knowing i can’t survive yet on my own. I’m waiting to hear about state disability now which will be great if i receive it. my son graduates this year also and i was hoping we could keep ourselves together for that, he said he didn’t care, he’d go anytime. I think he’s looking for a reason to go. He says you can have it all i’ll take the car and go. He says i’m trying to blame him, but it is both of us to blame of where our relationship has ended up. please don’t suggest counseling, no money to do that anyways. I need suggestions not anyone to beat me down more. things change and i wish they didn’t have to but i don’t see hope for us. too much said and done. words he can’t take back . helppp
MarriageCounseling answers:
If you see no hope then get divorced. Judging by your other post (other posters please read before you post http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApfUH7pTx1w99q4qlK0QzzXB7BR.?qid=20070601060416AAtJwKd ) , you cheated on him and he is still willing to give your everything. You weren’t thinking of your son when you were with the other man, so why are you now? Because things aren’t going in your favor? And your son is old enough to know what is going on?
You don’t want people to put you down , but after what you have done how can you expect them not to. If you were an man people would be throwing rotten food at you and calling you horrible names…I don’t see how you think you deserve any less.
Get divorced. You are not in this relationship for the right reasons, and probably haven’t been for a long time.
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Dr. Max Vogt is known as one
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