Ken asks…
Dose my husband really want a divorce?
My husband and I been married over a year now hes been deployed for 9 months now we have a son together im 19 hes 21 7 months in too are marriage i cheated on him with my ex best friends brother i had felt feel bad after i did i don’t even know why i did it i just hurt my self and my husband i had told him and he try to kill him self and told his whole family i am vary sorry for what i did i wanna get marriage counseling and work things out i was living with my ex best friend and now i got my own place about2 weeks ago and be for my husband would call me still tell me he loves me still now that i move in too my own place he when we skype he tell me he wants a divorce and he dos’nt want to be with me any more and he tell’s me son if he wants a new mommy and if he wants to move with him and then he told me he was ganna go by porno and i told him good so will i and he got mad a couse me out then he say yeah ill give u 2 months of marriage counseling but im not ganna change my mind then he start saying i just wanna divorce give me one he had took his ring off and i had ask if he was cheating on me he had said no that he just dos’nt wanna be with me but he still is wearing are promise bracelets we got be for he left and he keep saying im not in love with him and keeps saying i wanna have sex with every one and that im still cheating and then he said i made him tell his family about every thing then he tells me mean things i agree with him he gets more mad then he said he pissed him off at me then when i ask him if hes mad he says no he has no reason to be i am really wanna try sorry and im getting help now but i dont if hes saying all this about the divorce cause hes mad or because its want he wants i still calls me for 4 hours a day and i can tell hes still hurt he comes home in 10 days and i dont know what to do i dont wanna lose him but just dont no what to do
MarriageCounseling answers:
I hope you can talk better than you write. Reading that crap was painful. I’d say he wants a divorce and can you really blame him? You ruined your marriage and his friendship. You’re better off being separate parents to your child and forgetting the marriage.
Ruth asks…
I don’t believe in divorce, so what should I do?
After a lot of arguing, my husband finally told me that he has a flirting problem. He likes to flirt with girls. I don’t like it. The things he says to these girls, in my opinion, are innapropriate and he admits if he caught me saying these same things he would leave me. I want our marriage to work but he just says that it is just the way he is and he can’t change. We can’t afford marriage counseling. I want to make this work and I think he does to but I can’t trust him, and he doesn’t give me a reason to. I don’t believe in divorce but someone’s got to give.
MarriageCounseling answers:
There is counselling available that doesn’t cost a lot, and sometimes it is free. Check your yellow pages, and make some phone calls. There’s help out there. If your husband won’t go with you, go by yourself. It’s important.
Robert asks…
Do you believe in divorce?
Do you believe in divorce or are you against it?
This is how I look at it:
I am against divorce because marriage IS serious. If someone gets divorced over a few fights, they’re not putting effort into their marriage and they’re not taking it seriously. There’s only one reasons to divorce; Adultery. I’ve learned that you need to work on your marriage or get counseling, anything but divorce. If the situation gets really bad, then do a seperation. They wouldn’t put, “Till death do us part”, in the vows if they weren’t serious about marriage.
What are your opinions?
Edit:
Well, you should have knew what you were getting involved with. If he was an alcoholic, go to AA meetings or counseling. There are other ways but like I said, if it gets bad, do a seperation.
MarriageCounseling answers:
I agree with you both. I believe that divorce should be the absolute last thing thought about in a marriage. If you are all of a sudden not getting along, not speaking, always fighting, etc, go to counseling. If you are being cheated on and it is an ongoing cheat (more than once) that is the only time I can foresee a divorce. I still think that you should go to counseling for that too because you would be surprised at what you learn and that way in the case of a divorce you can say that you have tried everything.
If the relationship becomes physically abusive I would say to report it each time to the cops so that when you do need a divorce they can see documentation of it. Have someone take pictures too if you don’t want to report it. Physical abuse is one of those things that I see as irreconcilable. If it was an accident or something then yeah, work it out, but if it happened during the heat of an argument or something, it will most likely happen again and that is not something you should live through or bring kids into.
Thomas asks…
some marital help… trying to make things work?
My husband and i have been married for only 6 months and we are very young. We have been living with my parents and that is very stress full. We started fighting alot and i told him all the time to leave i didn’t actually think he would but he did. We are not getting a divorce but trying to make things work. I am so close to my parents and i have a hard time wanting to leave home but i know i have to, to make my marriage work and keep my husband happy. My husband comes from a small town where everyone knows everyone i come from a bigger city were people are not that close. My husband wants us to get out own place and do some marriage counseling we both admit we have alot of growing up to do. My parents think that if i move with him up there he will have all the con troll and i will be alone but i feel he has giving up alot for me and if this is what he wants then i should do it. I also dont know how i want this to work out if i want to do marriage counseling while living together or wait to move back in to our own place until we are already in marriage counseling. What do you think should we wait or work things out while living together. My husband swears things would be different if we had our own place and not Living with my parents. But i just want to be smart about this… We have a baby coming soon in this next week i am actually past due. I dot want us fighting all the time around the baby i just dont know how to go about this please help…
more info. He is not controlling actually i am the controling one i tend to tell him what to do all the time and if he doesnt do it i get mad at him. He can be very nice when we are alone and having fun but when we would come home to my parents it was just always stress
MarriageCounseling answers:
Wow, have you ever got a lot on your plate!
First off!, congrats!!
Husbands are funny arent’ they? But I think he’s right. What I love about your post is how you said he wants to go to marriage counseling, and how he knows things will be better once you move out of your parents house.
Part of that is great, and part of that isnt. If he’s a small town guy, then he’s most likely used to haveing people around a lot growing up. He should be used to having the house full. Although, like a nother poster said, it’s not his house he’s providing you with, and he’s not feeling like he has rights to feel proud.
Now, as newly weds, you’ve probably not shared as intimate honeymoon moments with eachother as you would of liked to. Possibly because of the baby, parents, fighting.. Etc.
Yes, moving out will give you more space, peace of mind and freedom. No, he is not being controlling, he is mature, and sees a problem and solution and is telling you his honest opinion. He’s taken a step to leave the house, because somehow, it’s caused negative feelings between you guys. Your parents for whatever reasons don’t want you to leave ( what parents really ever do want their kids to leave() with a grandbaby on the way, it’s only natural for them to want you to stay around so they can help you , and so they can bond.
In your condition, its a good idea to stay as stress free and relaxed as possible. Your baby is going to need mommys attention 100% , 24/7 and wherever you do that is going to need to be supportive of that as well. This is a problem when it comes to daddy, now that’s he moved out, he won;t get bonding time with the baby unless he comes over every day.
In my opinion, I’d move if you feel your marriage would work. It doesn’t sound like he’s controlling at all. It sounds like he’s finally able to provide for his family, and wants to get out and do it. The inlaws have gotten to him and he knows you can do good together. Him saying you can get couseling together is more proof he’s willing to do what it takes to make this all work.
The only thing you need to take into consideration is timing, and yes, thats hard, but you know best.
A baby will not suffer if you move in the first few weeks. Personally, if this way, I’d start packing, while waiting for this baby to come out, and as soon as I was wel again, I’d find a place with my hubby, and start fresh.
Too many things have gone on to stress you guys out, you need to start fresh and this is the way to do it.
Just make sure you are honest with everyone, take things one day at a time, and find a neutral party to talk to when emotions get strong ( after baby mommies can run deep threats to Post Partum depression if you are going through something tough).
Think positive thoughts, and look forward to your new life as a family.
It’s time to leave the nest, and work on making one for your little one 
God Bless, and congrats!
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