Your Questions About Marriage Therapy Books

How to begin to recover from a divorce? Ex-housewife!?

I just got began divorce proceedings last week. No regrets, long time coming. Through therapy and the support of the online community I stood my ground in my marriage and he can’t handle it so it’s over. But I have been a housewife for years. Don’t work and go to school full time. He will not be giving me alimony- his job is a start up company and he is an independent contractor. He doesn’t have to report his earnings there is no way to make him support me until I can do so myself. (Should married rich instead of for love! LOL)
I don’t graduate until next year.
I do not have a long verifiable work history or a degree.
Even if I did working on the books would make it so I have to pay partial tuition out of pocket and I can’t afford it. I have a teenage daughter to take care of. So, how do I find a way to support myself. I am very educated although I don’t have a degree. I write very well. Most people who have read my works suggest I get published. I have extensive knowledge of office programs and operations. I ran three home businesses in different fields. I can do hair a little bit… I don’t know. It’s hard enough for those holding BA’s and even Master’s to get a job right now. I don’t have family that will support me financially- but they won’t see me homeless or starving either.
I am kind of confused, and lost BUT I am determined to do this on my own. My husband is disputing the divorce and would like to keep the marriage going. He is a firm believer in making a marriage work. So am I but when life threatening issues within a relationship occur one should leave immediately. I was stupid and stayed 7yrs. I’m tired. At times I want to go back to him because I do love him and he provides for me very well. But I just can’t. My daughter hasn’t been with us all this time. She just came back into my life. She lived with family all her life and she wanted to come home to me so she began acting up because she couldn’t. She is now in a group home and a very significant part of my life. She is my main focus. Staying in a relationship with an addict who can be abusive when he is using is not the way I want to show my daughter. Now is a critical time for her, and I. I want to show her how to correct her past behavior and become a strong, educated, self-reliant woman.
Any suggestions on how to hold my head in this situation?

I know this is very deep and personal but I enjoy getting various outlooks from people. You never know what may work!

POSITIVE LEGAL SUGGESTIONS ONLY PLEASE!
Wow! I cried when I read you guys’ posts. Between the gentleman whose mother came from a place similar to mine to the suggestions to looking for a job online(I started last night on CL THANK YOU ALL. You don’t know how important even the smallest vote of confidence is in a time like this. God bless you all. I heard you and am taking the advice….today!

I don’t know what to do?

My husband is verbally abusive and refuses to work with me with a marriage counselor, or a personal psychologist. When he is good, he’s really good. He works hard, he has a few responsibilities around the house, and he is very supportive of me with my career.

However- when things are bad- they’re really bad. He calls me CU#T, tells me to F@#K off, to go to Hell… that I’m a *****. It’s horrible the things that he thoughtlessly hurls.

This has been going on for years, the year leading up to our marriage it was nearly non existent- which is why I didn’t think twice. But now- it’s worse, and I have asked him to go to marriage counseling with me, and he said no, because the counselor would just be on my side, so I suggested a private therapy where it was just him, and he still said no. So… he read some books on anger management… but obviously they aren’t working because he has been horrible this week. I am completely at a loss on how I can fix this. I am open to suggestions, but I feel like I am pouring my heart into it and getting nothing in return. I am patient and kind when we discuss the incidences afterwards, but I can’t continue to listen to him be so horrible to me when I love him and am so good to him. I am hesitant to get a divorce because… I made a commitment for better or worse, and it really does mean something to me, to both of us. And because his mom has stage 4 cancer and he doesn’t really have anyone else to help him through her very difficult treatment, and eventually her death. But then… is it horrible to have a waiting game of how long after her death do I leave? I know that I could still be a supportive friend to him, but I don’t know… I’m not sure what the right thing to do is, and when to do that…
I dont know how good really good for you actually is. Can I ask you a few questions and please answer them for me.

Who pays the bills? We share them

How does the money situation work? we have joint accounts

Is he only supportive of your career so you make your own money so this way you will leave his money alone? Not at all. It’s not about money.

What makes him good for you besides the fact that he works and he does some chores?
He is funny, he is nurturing, he’s good to his family, he is a dog lover like me, he is very good to me, he dotes on me when i’m sick, he is loyal, honest to God, it’s the strangest thing, but if he didn’t have that horrible mouth when he was mad, he would be the perfect husband.

Can any children of divorced parents help me out?

So, yatta yatta, my mom and dad split when I was 8 and my sister was 6. Both parents talked with us about the divorce a little while after it happened, and they made it known when it was happening, but they didn’t talk to us beforehand or give us a sort of heads up. We just got picked up from school by grandma and she told us that mom and dad needed some time apart, and then dad didn’t come home. Mom remarried in a few months and that marriage ended six or seven years later.

I have been in a lot of therapy for depression and mental illness, and I thought for a very long time that I was pretty much over the divorce. However, in the past few months, I randomly began thinking about being a father, and I have been depressed a lot when I recalled the long-forgotten feelings I experienced when I asked mom for a week straight when dad was coming home, and each time she didn’t really answer. I also began almost reflexively crying when hearing songs about children and their parents.

I have always been a thinker and a researcher, so over the years I read articles and books on divorce and children and how kids generally cope. My Dad and I still talk and hang out when we can, so that’s apparently one ‘good’ factor. I have also talked to both of my parents about the divorce and went to therapy about it throughout my teen years, so again, that’s apparently another ‘good’ factor. Due to these things, I should be unhurt and better now, but I don’t know why it still hurts so much when I think about that and the other bad things that have come up from their divorce and continuing conflicts?

I masturbate twice daily.. is there something wrong with me?

I am studying sex therapy. It’s really interesting and intriguing to say the least. I’m doing my own little study on the side though to make sense of something that’s been on my mind that simply can’t be answered by a single person who, frankly, knows too much for their own good (talking about the authors to the books I’ve read).

If you could answer the following questions, that would be amazing! I’ll be happy to answer your questions if you leave the link aswell =)

1) What is your sex (female/male)?
2) What is your age?
3) What is your job or career (if applicable)?
4) Are you a virgin?
5) How, when and where did you loose your virginity (if applicable)?
6) What is your fetish or fantasy that you’ve always wanted played out?
7) Is marriage in your future? What is your sexual orientation? Do you believe in gay-marriage?

Thank you so much!
Lol BTW, the question at the top was just to grap yal attention, don’t go all crazy on me. And thanks for the input so far.