Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Questions For Married Couples

Angry hurt confused let down to core husband did all this to me?

I have never felt so hurt alone abandoned and depressed as i feel now, but i have to tell this story. I fell hard for a man (my now husband) very hard, i loved him no matter what, and would do anything for him or anything that he would ask, I notice our marriage was in trouble i would ask him to try counseling he would say that he would but then come up with an excuse of why he would not. i knew then that if we didn’t do something and quick that our marriage would not last. We had been together 4 1/2 years married for 18 months 3 months after being into our marriage my husband walked out and stayed out for about 2 months, i was devastated but i knew that i loved him and I throught that he really loved me and just maybe we could work threw it boy was i so wrong and the sad part about this is he now he left again two weeks ago. When he left me the first time it was right before Thanksgiving Holidays etc..He did the same thing again. Now I’m even more devastated now than I was when he left the first time after we had just gotten married. I throught all married couples argue at some point and go threw ups & downs but they work it out, one don’t just walk out. As he was packing up to leave us for the second time i asked him why are you leaving?? His reply was because i don’t want to be here anymore which i later finds out he’s blaming me for everything. HE is really the only Dad my son knows. My son asked him while he was his packing up and leaving Your walking out on my Mom again and he looked my son in the face no shame remorse nothing and said yes I am. My son was devastated a couple of days later he (my son) just cried and all I could do was hug him and hold him as tight as I could and assure him that I was still here. i called him 1 week after he left us to ask him were was he staying he said that he didn’t want me to know i was crused because i know for a fact that i havent done one thing to harm him so badly. i said ok and he hung up and since then his cell phone has remained turned off which is the only communication that I have to him. I said that no matter what i would never call him again and so far i havent. I just only wish that I could turn my feelings off like that and just as quick but i cant. I no were he lives he’s moved out of our home and got a rental so i guess there is nothing more for me to do but file for divorce it hurts so bad because the man that I love so much doesn’t love me back and now I am forced to divorce him. Not sure if I should file or make him since he wants out so badly. This week i received 2 emails from him in regards to bills and insurance I didn’t respond to either. My second question is if i should just keep not responding because really im at a lost for words and dont know what to say.

This is for the “Saved Men” if any out there…?

Details only here: Married twice to same man, two beautiful children by spouse, all together we’ve been together for 15yrs give or take, we are friends or at least roommates (that what it feels like) we don’t act like a married couple, we don’t do the things most married couples do ( not even the things couples do period, he’s is older by 9yrs, all we do is argue or debate; if we do talk, I was once in- love with him but now it’s just a philia type of love not the Eros love there is no queasy stomachs and warm fuzzy feelings to strong sensual passion. We haven’t been together in that special way in over 3 or 4 mos. ( not even sure I want to) and all he does is work, work ,work! I know he don’t cheat physically but mentally he does. My question is: what I do or tell me his problem! The first marriage was not like this but now it is and Counseling is out of the question”he said”.

Question for the married people – is it possible to be “overly” committed to your spouse?

I am really starting to feel like I am too committed to my husband. My idea of marriage is probably similar to Joan and Ward Cleaver’s (Leave It To Beaver) marriage. I don’t mean how they lived, but how they treated each other. I try to be honest at all times and I am very committed to my husband. He has cheated on me twice technically. The first time he realized he was making a mistake and left her house (his ex-girlfriend) before it was too late. But the second time he did the do. He is also addicted to internet porn which I don’t think he has done in a couple of months. I don’t want to make it sound like I don’t have issues because Lord knows I do. But I don’t do those type of things.

Do you think my expectations are too high and that I am too committed? I am seeking counseling to deal with myself and these issues, but I am really starting ro reevaluate things.

if a couple are having problems, is this bad for the child? there is a long explanation, sorry but please help?

This is sort of complicated, so please, read the situation if you are going to leave a comment.

My mother gave birth to me outside of marriage. she left my dad because i guess he had a violent temper. whatever, though. this is not what it is about, but necessary to know. So, she was a single mother up until I was six, when she started dating this man named Bob. I was scared stiff of him then, because he would sometimes threaten me with beatings, but he never acted on them.

They got married a year later, when I was seven. the first year was good, and everything was peachy. Bob didn’t threaten me, nor did he seem to have a problem with me. However, once my sister was born, he started to turn on me. there are many circumstances. basically he was a giant @sshole, mentally abusing me almost every day.

Well, I moved out now, and my mom and my stepdad have been married for fifteen years now. They still hate each other.

But recently, they moved into this new house, and my sister still lives with them. Now they don’t even talk to each other, and even basically live on separate floors of the house. I have tried to get my mother to go to therapy, because Bob does all the same things that he would do to me to my mother now. And on top of all that, my mother then makes me feel guilty for all her problems, says she’s jealous of my relationship with my husband, because i actually chose a good man, and then sends these weird texts to me, like “oh i’m just going to have a pity party” or “it is better to sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken christian” (it’s a quote from moby dick, which she is reading right now, but but why send me that quote?!).

My sister is stuck between them too. My mother and Bob talk about each other behind their backs to my sister. They expect her to be their communication line now, and she’s put under a lot of pressure. She’s now falling into a very sad crowd, because she is very beautiful, and she’s with all these other girls that are either anorexic or have abusive boyfriends. I’m worried about her, and her mental state of mind.

On top of that, I feel as if I’m the wedge that drove my mom and bob apart since it was often “my fault” that they got into fights. My mom didn’t like the way bob had been treating me when i was younger, so they often had fights about what chores I was supposed to be doing. things just escalated from there.

The thing that I am wondering is, is it healthier for these two to get a divorce? I’ve tried to get them to go to couple’s therapy, but that has yet to happen. I also want to put distance between my mother and me, because i feel as if my mother is trying to use me as a support system for all her complaining. I’m usually fine with that, as i try to help others, however, I find it hard to continue being a support for someone if they don’t want to help themselves and take the advice that I have given them, ie, I gave my mother tons of therapists’ phone numbers, even couples counselors and everything i can do.

The reason why she stays with him is because she ‘wants to remain loyal to him.” this seems absurd to me, as i can’t possibly understand it, except for the fact that they don’t want to be alone. I want to write a letter to my mother saying that I cannot be apart of this family unless she takes a step to either go to couples counseling or gets a divorce.

So, my two questions are:
Should I write a letter to my mother, a kind one though, that tells her i love her, but that I cannot continue being around her as her attitude is adversely affecting mine. I have not been doing well in school right now, I’m stressed and having a lot of problems. I’m also worried about my sister.

Second, is it more detrimental for a child to remain in such a terrible family as that, or is it sometimes better for the couple to divorce and share the child? I mean, I think i read somewhere that there is a new study saying that sometimes, children do better if a couple gets a divorce if the couple is having such a terrible time getting along, than remaining in those situations. I think that this is also why my parents will not get a divorce, because they think that they are doing more good for my sister by staying together. Which doesn’t seem to be the case.