Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Questions List

Clearer question:How should my brother take this?

My brother cheated on his wife and left the house to move in with an ex-girlfriend. His wife tried to get him to come home for the last 6 monts, suggested counseling,etc. A couple months ago he asked for a divorce and she refused because of her faith and the fact she loves my brother. Today he got this from her:

I have come to the conclusion that although my position concerning our marriage can not change, I am not required to continue chasing and/or humbling myself to reconcile. You have a good wife that despite provocation during the last 6 months, and the opportunity to do so, has not cheated on you, that has all the same qualities that attracted you to marry her, and with whom you get along when you are together. The door is open, but I will not be picking you up and bringing you over the threshold because that’s the man’s job and I felt it was my duty as a wife, but am uncomfortable pursuing you like a man and have been so since you left home. I did not pursue you during courtship and see no reason I should have to continue doing so as a wife. Therefore, despite my interest in the anti drilling efforts (after speaking to my son’s father and learning of the effects working for Halliburton has had on his health as well as the Texas and Oklahoma landscapes) I will remain only a passive observer on the list serve. I may sign petitions when they come my way, make calls, or write against it on the paper(I post on line), but I will not attend any activity you are involved in least my efforts on behalf of the cause be misinterpreted as continuing to pursue you. You know what you have and it’s up to you to come get it if you want it now or in the future. Otherwise, we can remain as we are today and I wish you nothing but the best.

He wants to know. How should he take this?

Have you ever asked a question and had it go to the wrong site? Have you ever thought about this?

It just happened to me darn it. I posted and asked if you have every thought about this when you forward those cute and funny emails to your friends. I got this email this morning and was wondering what your thoughts were about it ?

THIS MAN SAID IT WAS THOSE SPAM JOKES THAT HIS WIFE FORWARDED . EVERYONE ON THAT LIST HAD RECEIVED HIS PERSONAL EMAIL ADDRESS. INCLUDING HIS WIFE’S CO WORKER

“This person confessed to another coworker that as joke, she signed him up on several single sites and even used a photo of himtaken at the office christmas party. Some joke. She destroyed the marriage. his wife divorced him. He only see the kids every other weekend, The divorce ruined them financially and he is working two jobs to pay the child support and keep his kids in sports. he lives in a run down dirty studio apartment and cant have his kids stay over its so bad. His wife had two years of counseling and a breakdown,
He said : This is NOT a joke and I am warning all of you do not ever forward spam and put other people’s email addresses out there for some sick person to do this. When the co worker was confronted she said “i never liked that b**tch anyhow. ”

FIVE OTHER PEOPLE POSTED THAT IT HAD HAPPENED TO THEM, THREE OF THEM WERE NOW DIVORCED. TWO WERE STILL IN COUNSELING. ONE IS A FIRE FIGHTER FROM REGINA SASKATCHEWAN

ONCE YOU SEND THAT EMAIL YOU DONT KNOW HOW FAR IT WILL TRAVEL OR WHERE IT WILL GO, OR WHO ELSE WILL GET IT.

IF YOU HAVE TO FORWARD SOMETHING USE BCC (BLIND CARBON COPY), YOU COULD BE SAVING YOUR BEST FRIEND’S MARRIAGE OR YOUR OWN.
more victims of nasty people. From another site, someone posted this: Just before lunch I started getting email confirmations from dating sites, including gay ones saying my account for their site has now been created. Seems someone was creating profiles saying I was looking to meet men and had rather interesting profile descriptions. One of the emails disclosed the IP address where the person submitted the details from, I can track the down.

Married quickly and having issues?

I met my now husband on an internet dating site, he swept me off my feet and we moved into together very quickly (I am 44, never married before – he is 47, I’m his third wife). He was the perfect gent and I fell in love with him. I now believe that I was very naive. He started showing his insecurity very quickly after I had moved in. Checked my phone continually, went through my facebook history and questioned me about every male on my friends list, didn’t want me to go out with my friends or even coffee with girlfriends whilst at work, continually called me to check where I was…..etc He was very honest about his past (so I believe) and told me that he had been very unfaithful to his first wife (has 2 children from affairs) and he was regretful over it. (he has daughter from marriage who doesn’t speak to him). His second marriage fell apart after 7 years – he is named as having affair but he said that it was something that they agreed on to make it simple.

We married 6 months ago and have been together just over a year. I really don’t know where to start! When I was working he was VERY attentive, flowers at least twice a month, presents most weekends and meals out. He always told me that he was so scared of somebody taking me away from him and that was why he was the way he was – that he had never loved anybody like he loved me. I thought that his distrust would settle after the marriage and wanted him to get help – we went for counselling approx 4 times but he said that it wouldn’t work as the counsellor wasn’t that great. We came off facebook together as it just wasn’t worth the hassle. If I didn’t call or text him back straight away I got grief….
We got married in Greece in October 2010 and things were good for a while.
I had the chance of redundancy and we discussed it, he thought it would be a good idea for me to take it, go part-time and we could get a little dog – I agreed as he had so much anxiety over me working in the city that I thought it would reassure him. So I agreed to take it – then he had a heart attack after 5 weeks of marriage which was really worrying. He had a stent fitted and came home where I took 3 weeks off work to look after him (only going back to work for 2 days before my redundancy) He even accused me of leaving him at the hospital to go and meet somebody (I had been there for about 4 hours and left 10 minutes before the bell rang!)
Fast forward to todays date…. for the past three months we have been going through this cycle of hell – approx 2 – 3 days of absolute bliss (holding hands, telling each other we love them) this is normally at the weekends – then he gets tired from work, goes cold on me and continues until I placate him and we agree that we will try again. His mother died last monday and we went up to stay with his family. On returning home last Thursday I told him that it was crap timing but I thought that we would be best going our separate ways…. I left him and went to stay at my mothers. Missed him like crazy, thinking that perhaps he might finally go for counselling (I’ve been asking him for us to go, also for him to go back to doctors for medicine review) and that we could try again when a friend called me to ask for his number…. it turned out that she had been getting weird texts from somebody (she didn’t recognise his number) asking to meet up, referring to a marital affairs website, advising his name and that he had left his family early on thursday to meet up with her, I went around and read all the texts and it was his number….so I confronted him and he claims that it wasn’t him and that somebody has cloned his phone. I went onto the website and there is a person registered with his name, age and details from the same town. It is all black and white but he is still denying it. Keeps ringing me in tears and saying ‘come home, come home’ I would never cheat on you…etc etc. I’m not sure if he has met anybody yet but I do believe that he was laying the foundations…I think that he must have had a few drinks on Friday and texted the wrong name on his mobile not realising that he was texing my friend…..
I am really a good person, have never cheated on anybody in my life and never would, in the past I have walked away from relationships rather than be unhappy, had a good circle of friends, good job and am well travelled but I feel as if I have been manipulated, worked on and have lost a great deal of confidence…..if I re-read this then I think ‘GET THE HELL OUT’ and I really don’t want to weaken and go back to him. Trust is the foundation of any relationship and he has never trusted me – I did him and I am numb with shock over these texts……
This is the first time I have ever gone onto a site and asked for help, advice or guidance….
Michelle
I guess it was a rant….but it was also to get some honest comments. I feel as if I have been brainwashed and I wanted some feedback on the whole situation. I am out of the family home, my rings have been removed and I truly believe that it is over but it is so hard to hear him sobbing down the phone. My friends and family are so supportive but I have to start again – find somewhere to live, get a job and get my mojo back…
Lots of thanks for such positive comments
x

Have you ever purposely tried to fall out of love with your spouse?

Please don’t judge me or give me a speech on marriage vows. I’m a huge advocate for marriage is forever. I also feel adultry is not ok…that if you have a problem, deal with it through counseling and communication.

My husband and I have two small kids. He has many emotional problems, too many to count. I fell in love with him because he has many good qualities and when he is not in one of his depressive cycles he is good to me. He’s a good father and good provider.

The problem is he’s emotionally abusive and controlling when he’s depressed. His depression usually comes and goes every few months, but the past year he’s been on a downward spiral. He has not recovered. He is hypercritical of everything I do and punishes me for wrongs by withholding affection. He has some sexual anger as well. He is very abusive to me, but not the kids. He is also an expert at controlling me right when the kids walk out of the room, hiding things, etc., so that the kids don’t see it. He is going to counseling for all of it and admits he does it. But it hasn’t changed anything, he just says this is the way he is.

I have always been steadfast and determined to make this marriage work. Because of his control and anger issues, I know if we were to divorce it would be a nightmare when it comes to co-parenting. Besides, our two kids adore him and he’s a great father.

Therefore I’m resolved to stay in the marriage. I just don’t want to be in love with him any more. I don’t want to come home hoping/expecting a loving partner and getting his cold manipulation. I want to be able to not love him and just think of him as another person in the house.

I have developed this sudden “idea” that if I could just fall in love with someone else and see them on the side, then my kids could have their father and not be from a broken home. Clearly I am not going to be able to find someone else, as that isn’t how love works. I’m just wondering if anyone else has purposely tried to detach and fall out of love with their spouse?

I’ve listed all the negative faults of my husband because they relate to the question. But he can be a good guy when he’s not depressed. He says he wants to change but he’s not participating in the therapy.