Richard asks…
We want to get married but we are worried about premarital counseling by our pastor?
My fiance and I want to get married so we have asked our pastor to marry us. It’s a non-denominational christian church. Our pastor said that we need to have some premarital counseling first. So we said ok and set up a date and time to meet with him for the counseling. We aren’t sure what we are in for though. Our most feared subject is premarital sex. We have both done it with other people before we met and we have done it together once we started dating. We live together and continue to do it. If our pastor knows we have done this will he deny us marriage? How do we discuss this with him? We aren’t really worried about the rest of the counseling. Other than premarital sex, we are fairly good christian people. Thanks for any info you can provide!
MarriageCounseling answers:
If all this pastor is going to be worried about is your sex life, I wouldn’t have him marry you. If he won’t marry you simply because of your sex life, you don’t want him to marry you. This religious preoccupation with sex is nothing more than a contrived effort to control the behavior of others.
Premarital counseling in general is a good thing, and I’ll never understand why it always seems to be connected with religion. ALL couples of ALL faiths (or none) could use a healthy dose (my wife and I have been married 8 years, we see a counselor regularly, and it has helped immensely). Communication, finances, family. All these things should be talked over before getting married, not after. It would make more marriages work out in the long run. Go into it with an open mind, but don’t get too hung up on the religious aspect. It’s already causing a lot of unnecessary worry and stress. Let go of it.
Lizzie asks…
We want to get married but we are worried about premarital counseling by our pastor?
My fiance and I want to get married so we have asked our pastor to marry us. It’s a non-denominational christian church. Our pastor said that we need to have some premarital counseling first. So we said ok and set up a date and time to meet with him for the counseling. We aren’t sure what we are in for though. Our most feared subject is premarital sex. We have both done it with other people before we met and we have done it together once we started dating. We live together and continue to do it. If our pastor knows we have done this will he deny us marriage? How do we discuss this with him? We aren’t really worried about the rest of the counseling. Other than premarital sex, we are fairly good christian people. Thanks for any info you can provide!
MarriageCounseling answers:
It is good that you are going for the premarital counseling. You can never do enough premarital education.
Your pastor’s response will depend on how conservative he is. Most pastors would not even ask if you are living together or having sex, but some of the more conservative will and should. If he is pretty conservative he may suggest you refrain from any sexual contact. If he is very conservative he may ask you to move out if you want to me married in the church. Some pastors and churches will not marry a couple if they are living together. You pastor and others might use some information like the following in the source section below. Most pastors will not deny marriage because of past sin. Many Christians have sinned sexually.
You should be open and honest with your pastor. I am sure you would want someone to be the same with you. He is standing before your family/friend and God to ordain this marriage and you owe it to him to be truthful.
Joseph asks…
I go to a church of 6,000 people. How large a staff does a church that size need?
Full time paid staff, I mean. We do missions, children/student ministies, new-christian classes, and free marriage/personal counseling, multimedia/website, and worship team. How many people do you think it should take to run all that?
There are some downsides to a very large church but huge benefits. A church with bigger resources and volunteer base can better organize service work for the community. When I was growing up, I always went to tiny churches- we could barely keep our pastor paid much less to anything for the community.
Anyone go to a church of a similar size?
MarriageCounseling answers:
There are about that many members of my church in the region back home, but we don’t need any paid staff… People just all do their part.
Carol asks…
What to do about my marriage?
I am a christian but at the end of my rope with my marriage. My hubby and I have been married for 15 years and the fighting is just about unbearable. The last straw was when he came in last night and started yelling that I wasn’t cooking the dinner right (i’ve been cooking since i was 17..He lived with his parents until he was 25 and couldn’t boil water). After suffering the abusive yelling he then stormed off only to return moments later and scream at me again and call me a whore. Not sure where that came from. But any info will be appreciated. I have asked him to go to counseling with me, but like every other man, he won’t have that. We have one child at home and I really don’t want a divorce. But I’m at my wits end…Please help !
MarriageCounseling answers:
Sorry but the only answer is divorce him before he gets more violent and he starts using his hands
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