Your Questions About Does Marriage Counseling Work After Cheating

Moving on after leaving a cheating ex. Manipulation, lies. nightmare.?

When I met my ex, he was great, attentive, kind, smart, reliable, romantic and all the works. We even started talking about marriage 6 months into our relationship. I thought he was a dream come true until I started becoming suspicious about the way one of his friends (a woman) was reacting to him. Then he started lying, manipulating me until I found out that he was in a physical relationship with tow. I told him I was going to leave him, and he broke down. It took 6 months for me to figure out that trust between us couldn’t be rebuilt. Those 6 months were hell. I cried every day and was so angry.

I’ve been single for 1 month and a half now, but the decisions made by my ex partner make it very difficult to move on. Here’s a quick synopsis of what happened:

7 months ago, I found out my ex was cheating on me (I found out they were calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, found a sex video and found that she was texting him and facebooking him like a partner does- not a friend). The night I found out he was desperate, wanting me to stay with him and acknowledging that he made a mistake.

We spent 6 months in “recovery mode” i.e. he suggested we go to counselling, he called me several times a day,etc. On the outside, he really did seem to be remorseful and would often cry in my arms and tell me that he was so worried about losing me. The problem is that there was something in my gut that told me not to trust him. We were together for about two years and had already seriously spoken about marriage etc. We’re both about 24 and he was my first relationship which just so happened to be a serious one.

After I broke up with him (I just couldn’t take it anymore) more evidence popped up that he was still seeing this other person while he was dating me. I’m so incredibly hurt and feel so betrayed. The countless lies and manipulation have left me at a point where I think about him every minute from when I wake up to when I go to bed. It’s even worse as three weeks after breaking up he started up a relationship with this other woman. Pictures that have been posted even prove to me that during the 6 months I spent trying to work things out, he was still seeing this other woman even though he was with me. To this day I’m not sure as to whether this other woman was aware that my ex was in a relationship. I found out that she was told that he had broken up with me months before starting to date her. He even told me that this other woman is mentally unstable, that she tried to get him to break up with me and a bunch of other things. I told him once that I was gonna call her and figure out what the hell was going on, but he told me that it would look trashy if I tried to contact her. He also told me once that he wish he had met me later on in life when he was done being “young”. Even more sick is that he got his friends to cover up for him.

I’ve given the gist of what has happened, but there are so many other things that I have found out that just make me wonder who the hell this person I was with for two years of my life really is.

I know that I deserve better than what was dished out to me as I treated him with nothing but respect, thoughtfulness and love. His family and I had a great relationship and his mom would joke around that she would be a grandmother soon. I’ve marshalled up my support network, friends, family and all the mental capacity I can muster to get through the day. However, I’m starting to feel like it’s not enough. While I want to cry and run into his arms I’m also so repulsed by him and his two faced lying.

Has anyone ever gone through something like this? How did you move on? I feel like I”m stuck in a nightmare. I wake up every morning with the huge urge to seek comfort in his arms but also want to run screaming away from him.

In hind sight, I should have just left him when I found out. But I loved him dearly and he honestly seemed so remorseful. The truth really just came out after I left him, and it makes me have no faith in the other sex.

To this day (I spoke with him briefly a few days ago) he denies that anything is going on even though on facebook tow has them as being in a relationship. He says he loves me unconditionally and wants to see me succeed. What makes me really know that I made the right decision was he blamed ME for being the reason why the relationship ended, he accused me of being crazy and told me that I have a personality flaw which is my inability to trust him despite all that he did in the 6 months to prove to me that I can trust in . In all this, he has never truly pointed the finger at himself. He’s always blamed other parties including the other woman.

Any advice on how to move on would be greatly appreciated. While I know mentally that I made the right decision, my heart still aches partially because I kick myself at being sooo stupid for so damn long

Do I need marriage counseling?

10 years ago I fell in love. I was in 7th grade. Ryan was an amazing guy. We were friends at first and started dating in 8th grade through our Freshman year. The summer after our Freshman year I did the dumbest thing of my life and cheated on Ryan. He found out and confronted me about it. We broke up and didn’t speak again for several months. He got a new gf, I stayed single.

At some point a few months later we started talking off and on again. Both hinting about wanting to get back together but neither one of us actually asking the question. This continued for about 6 months. Then he met Stacy. They seemed pretty serious and I really didn’t like her (for other than obvious reasons) so we stopped talking. Over the next few years we remained somewhat friends. Both of us coming to the rescue when the other went through some of the hardest times in our lives. He was my rock. I have never had such a deep connection with anyone in my life.

After HS I met Jake, a great guy that I fell in love with. Throughout my relationship with Jake I kept in touch with Ryan. He was still my rack and always there for me. I didn’t want to mess with Ryan and Stacy’s relationship so nothing ever went further than friends. I eventually married Jake and Ryan married Stacy, we both have families of our own now, and haven’t talked in nearly two years.

My problem is that I think about Ryan 24/7. It has started causing sleep problems and problems in my marriage. Jake knows about Ryan so I can’t tell Jake how much I think about Ryan because Jake is 100% devoted to me and he would be devastated if he knew how much I still loved Ryan.

I have tried everything imaginable and everything that has been recommended to me to get over Ryan and it doesn’t work. I need your advice.

Thank you

Larii
To answer a few questions. yes we both have small children, but I am not so far in I am neglecting them. It’s just every time I day dream and every time I close my eyes to go to bed. We have not had any direct contact in over two years. We have mutual friends and it is all I can do not to ask about him. Sorry it’s long

Can I trust my wife again after she cheated and then recontacted the guy two times years later as “friends”?

My wife cheated on me with her co-worker five years ago and she told me about it after feeling guilty. I told her then to stop seeing that guy and that it was wrong since both were married and were hurting their spouses. She promised to stop but wanted me to let her stop it by herself and for me not to get involved. Well I did that back then and it kept going. So finally I put a tape recorder in her car and caught her professing her love to him and then I confronted her. He sensed things were getting dangerous so he broke it off and she got mad and used me to get back at him by telling all and allowing me to call to confront him. I was a big oh thang. I talked to his wife and had it out with him etc etc . At the end of the session my wife later said she spoke to him to confirm that he really meant the things he said to her about love while they were cheating. I told her to promise to let it go if she loved me but somehow it seemed that something was still lingering but I could not put my finger on it. Fast forward 5 years later and many hours of marriage counseling I am in hog heaven all seems well but my wife stares at me at times like she swallowed a canary. I say what?? She said oh nothing just looking at you. I get suspicious after it her action make me have flash backs of 5 years ago. I said to myself that I bet she is sneaking around with that bastard. After installing spyware on her computer, I discovered my loving beautiful wife whom I have 4 kids with has created an elaborate email network to avoid be caught talking to you know who. I got angry , cried and had bad thoughts really bad! I calm down made copies of her emails to her and got all email addresses she used and confronted her. She was soooo shocked she lied initially then she got made at me saying I didn’t trust her and that if I did trust and love her , I would not be snooping on her.
She eventually owned up and said she was only helping him with application for a business that we were in since he had financial problems. At this point I told her that he could be fucking homeless for all I care and that should not be her concern plus she supposedly stopped talking to him after the big blow up 5 year ago. She guranteed that he was non romantic etc etc and that she was helping him get into the same business that we were in!! I said F*** that bulls***. I begin to pondering how far the original affair went even though she told me he couldnt get erect when they attempted to have sex and only performed limited oral sex on her.
I figured no man would risk his marriage for you multiple times over a span of 7 years if he wasn’t getting sex!!!!! She denied it but I took matters into my own hands and confronted him on my own and told his wife which made her angry cause she said that she ended it by saying to him that this was wrong and that she could not help him no more. I cursed him out and her out for even communicating with each other since they had a adulterous history in first place. Since that time she had been more depressed and has partially with drawn and shown little interest in intimacy with me even though I rub her feet, her back and tell her how beautiful she is. She weighs 211 lbs now she weight 180 lbs when she cheated 5 years prior.
Recently we had a fight about her neglecting me and all the old stuff came up because I felt that I working hard pleasing her to get crumbs while she gave herself to a man free of charge per say when he wasn’t her husband and didn’t pay the dues I did doing all this time of our marriage. Oh did I also mentioned she also takes medicine for depression for the last 8 years. I tried to give her excuses because of the depression but I think she used / uses him to escape reality. When I recently talked to the man’s wife about their lastest contacts she was dealing with him about phone calls from another women (not my wife) she found on their cell phone bill. I told my wife about how I was right about this dude being a slick talker and preying on low self esteem women and she demised the issue. Now I am trying to get our marriage back on track even though she recently said to me that it was be so easy to start up her relationship with him again but she won’t do it because she loves me. That actually made me mad!!! If she loves me then it should be very very hard for her to start that up!!!!!!! If she doesn’t love me or is faking her love for me then it should be very easy for her to seduce and get back with him. I’m Lost!!!!!! and confused. I want my wife and family to stay together but I fear that all is heading down the tubes. I need an objective opinion on whether its worth it after all I’ve been through with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I must love her to death to put up with this and maybe she knows it and uses that and her depression to keep kissing and begging!!

On a religious aspect, is my 2nd marriage recognized by God?

I am on my second marriage and my new husband is on his 4th with me. I was married 14 years the first time and tried everything to make it work including counseling 3 times. My husband married his first wife because she was pregnant but then turned out to be physically abusive to him. He left his second wife for his third wife after his second wife constantly put him down and bragged about making more money than him. He realized he should have divorced before he started seeing the third wife and has repented his sins. His third wife cheated on him and after counseling didn’t work they divorced. Now he is married to me. We have our “issues” as you can probably imagine but we are very hopeful that we have finally got it RIGHT this time! We were married by a minister of God but I can’t help but worry that God does not truly recognize our union together. I have 2 girls from my first marriage and he has 1 daughter from his first marriage. Any serious opinions would be appreciated.