Your Questions About Marriage Therapy Books

Im in Limbo..please help me…need your opinion…separation?

I had been very jealous and needy in my marriage. Me and my husband have 2 kids (one from my previous marriage) and in Feb he got mad cause I blew up again and he left to his moms house. He has been staying there since then. We are seeing a marriage counselor and things are a little better but he still wont come home. He says he cant come home until he can forgive met for my anger. I have read books on the subject, attend our therapy weekly and he has admitted to seeing a change in my behavior. Why wont he come home? He says he does not know if he can forgive me or if I will change. What can I do? He has been at his moms house since mid feb and he sees kids but doesnt really talk to me other than about the kids. He says he wants it to work but wont say what else i need to do or when he is coming home. Please tell me what to do? Im am totally lost

does anyone have any advice on getting over anxiety dissorders?

My anxiety disorder is ruining mine and my family’s life. It started a year ago when I had my daughter. I have panic attacks whenever I see anything that flies (particularly wasps and bees but have never been bothered by them before) and its turned into agoraphobia. Iv been waiting for an appointment for Cognitive behavioural therapy for months (and have been chasing it up) I literally cant leave the house unless its raining or dark. I haven’t even taken my daughter to the park yet!. Its causing huge strain on my marriage and my husband has even threatened to leave me as we cant go anywhere. He apologises after hes said it but its hard for all of us. does any1 have any advice while im waiting for my therapy. I have a book called “the anxiety and phobia workbook” but I don’t understand alot of it and what I do understand hasn’t helped. Im getting quite depressed over it now.

Kate Gosselin fans need to apologize to Jon after reading this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Jon was NOT the reason they broke up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So stop blaming him you retards!!!!!!!

What is the biggest difference in your life now, compared to a year ago?

Let’s go back to October of last year — that’s when all of this happened. Kate basically came to me out of the blue and said, “I am done. You are going to live your life, and I am going to live my life.” I was like, “What?” I didn’t really know what was going on. When she said that, I was really upset and nervous.

Why did she want to break up?

I think she initiated the split because she wanted a career. Maybe I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, and she was going to move on regardless. I said, “Are you sure about this?”

Did you want to work it out?

Yes, I asked, “What do I have to do to mend the relationship? What did I do wrong?” I was beating myself up about it. So I read a lot of books about personalities, like The Five Love Languages. Throughout the marriage, I felt like my personality had changed a lot. In December, I went to therapy. I asked Kate to come, but she didn’t want to. She said, “If you have a problem, go fix it.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/05/jon-gosselin-stop-blaming_n_251617.html

Was a project damaged by this phenomenom ?

Deborah Hill Cone: Self-love stuck in an endless honeymoon
4:00AM Sunday Oct 11, 2009

You heard it here first: narcissism is the new black. I predict narcissism is going to be
our next obsession.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) was invented in 1980 when shrinks included it in
their Bible, the DSM-III, and it is poorly understood, diagnosed, reported or studied.

But once you learn a bit about it you start seeing it everywhere – especially in the
business community. Although I must confess the same thing happened to me with autism – I
started to think half the people I knew were on the spectrum.

Still do, although maybe I just know a lot of anoraks. Yes I know, I read too many self-help
books – and that’s how I got interested in narcissism. (Is there a self-help book about
curing one’s self-help book addiction?)

The roll call of narcissists is pretty long. Practically all politicians and lots of CEOs.
Pretty much anyone who owns a Bentley. They are not all psychopaths like Clayton
Weatherston, but they are wonky nonetheless.

Most narcissists don’t recognise that they are narcissists. One of the few who does is
Sam Vaknin, a PhD and financial consultant from Israel, but it took some pretty extreme
conditions for him to be forced to face his personality. (And since there is no cure, that
was pretty depressing.)

Vaknin wrote a book about narcissism in jail as he tried to understand why his nine-year
marriage had dissolved, his finances were in a shocking condition, his family estranged, his
reputation ruined. He blamed everyone else, but slowly realised it was his fault.

So what is narcissism? Contrary to the myth of the Greek boy who fell in love with his own
reflection, the narcissist does not love himself in any true sense of the word.

Narcissism is a pattern of traits and behaviours which signify infatuation and obsession
with one’s self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of
one’s gratification, dominance and ambition. Most narcissists are men.

They feed off other people, getting what Vaknin calls “narcissistic supply” – this
could involve sex, attention or glory – and it is like a drug. The DSM says narcissism is
“a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy”.

The narcissist is described as turning inward for gratification rather than depending on
others and as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, and
prestige.

There is no cure for it. Therapy doesn’t really help.

Psychologists say factors behind narcissism are an oversensitive temperament, overindulgence
by parents, unreliable parenting and childhood abuse.

“Narcissists feed off other people who hurl back at him an image that he projects to
them. This is their sole function in his world: to reflect, to admire, to applaud, to detest
- in a word to assure him he exists.”

But I’m not just saying this to give you a lesson in cod psychology. I can’t help
wondering if the disorder of narcissism has almost become normalised in our individualistic,
status-obsessed society – and don’t get me started on overindulged kids.

There is something wrong when the diagnosis of narcissism almost sounds like something most
BCom students aspire to. Here’s a wacky idea: let’s put away the mirrors and start
looking at other people instead of ourselves.

deborah@coneandco.com

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/business/news/article.cfm?c_id=3&objectid=10602200