Mary asks…
My husband and I have our first marriage counseling session tomorrow. Any advice?
MarriageCounseling answers:
- Keep calm. Even if you are not always agreeing on some things, you both agreed to come to improve your relationship.
- Be honest even if it is embarassing or painful.
- Try to word things such that you are not accusing him. E.g. Instead of ‘you never help around the house’, say ‘i feel tired at the end of the day, i think i may need a little help with the chores’.
- Do listen to what he has to say.
- Keep an open mind. Be ready to accept that there may be things that YOU could improve or compromise on.
- Think of the reasons why you love your husband, and why this is worth the trouble.
Good luck!
David asks…
Any advice for 2nd marriage counseling session?
We are going to our second counseling session today. We’ve been married for 12 years and my wife never shows any interest in sex. I’ve gone insane and finally she’s agreed to counseling. The first session went fairly well…. I was coached on YA to use words like we, us, intimacy, and closeness…. but i also had to be straight about the core issue which is “i’m not gettin any”.
In the first session we established the ground rules and why we’re there and we vented our initial views. What happens next???
marina: ha ha ha. if it were that easy, i’d be “gettin some” so often i’d have to quit my job. You make me look like superman. Bring a flower!!! Wait a couple of days!!! ha ha ha…
MarriageCounseling answers:
You guys are going to do a lot of talking – and listening – just be open to the listening part. I’m sure she has her side of the story and if you ever want to get any – you’ll need to listen to it…I am so glad to hear you guys have gone to the rooms – at this point in time it couldn’t hurt. Just remember that sometimes it has to get worse before it can get better. Your first 4 sessions or so are the getting to know you phase. The counselor is going to ask general questions and get to know you both and vice versa….you may not get too deep until a month or so down the road. Stick with it! It helped my marriage, my sister’s, and many, many others….Hope it leads to you gettin some!
Charles asks…
Why is it when someone is looking for advice about their marriage here on answers, most people say?
GET A DIVORCE. i dont think it’s right for people to steer others in the wrong direction. I’ve noticed that 90% of your answers are “leave his sorry a ss” or “DIVORCE HIM” Why not say “seek marriage counseling”. It’s because of you people here on yahoo answers that the divorce rate is so hi. You people are giving bad advice. SHAME ON YOU PEOPLE!!
MarriageCounseling answers:
I try to avoid telling anyone to divorce. I don’t believe in the marriage counseling crap either unless you are actually able to find a therapist who will help you to see your own faults instead of wasting your money on somene who spends their time listening to you blame each other or takes sides.
I try to get people to see what they are doing wrong because they are the only one they can change. Most don’t want to see their faults… They are too busy blaming and trying to change their spouse.
It’s a sad, sad world.
Daniel asks…
Feeling Frustrated with marriage!!! Any good advice out there?
We have been married for four years. We have been to marriage counseling and are involved in small marriage group through the church. All we do is fight we cant go longer than 6 days without fighting. Not a little argument but a big blow up. There is no passion in our marriage at all. ITs 50/50 on fault I am rude and disrespectfull half of the time or she is. We both try. But we just cant get it together. We fight over alot of big issues including sex, money, politics, family, and future goals. We have been together since high school. I am in the military and she works part time. We have know children we are in our mid twenties. Neither of us come from homes of divorce and we dont want to quit or just give in to divorce. Honestly is it really like this? Are we supposed to just keep going on in way that neither of us truly want to? We come to the crossroads all of the time should we stay married or go? I need honest mature advice. She is not a bad person she is the epitomy of a Good person we just dont get along our personalities are both A type and clash very hard.
MarriageCounseling answers:
Marriage is about working together-and sometimes that means doing something you don’t want to do or keeping your mouth shut when you don’t want to. If you are both good people, you can work this out-the question is are you both willing to give a couple inches? Good luck!
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Dr. Max Vogt is known as one
of America's top psychologists and
marriage counselors. His bestselling books, articles and programs have
been helping people have happy, successful marriages for over 25 years.
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