Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Does It Work 2010

Please help this soul in despair?

I am 25 yearold married woman with two children. I am starting to feel myself grow away from my husband. We have been married for 5 years and together 6 years. The largest argument is finances. My husband was fired from is job due to insubordination even though we were barely getting by on both of our salary. He is constantly fire or “laid off” from jobs and will stay unemployed for 8-12 months at a time. He will not go and look for a job unless I finally snap on him about being unemployed for lenghty times, when he loses his job I have always been understanding. I usually tell him oh well do not worry about it and try to lighten up the situation but after 10 months unemployed and only searching a total of 4 days. Due to the income issues we have had our electricity cut off( they refused to give us extension because we have been late 10 times this year alone, embarrassing but it is the truth), internet and phone ( which I need for my job since I work at home), We are constantly late on our rent and now we are 2 months late and before we are evicted I made a decision to move to a less expensive place ( we only have to pay 600.00 monthly, and can barely afford that), I have went without meals and given my daughters the food. I have pawned everything that I own over time, and due to no food in the house I have had to pawn a large keyboard that was bought for my daughter from her grandfather ( he passed on jan. 20 2010 and I had to sell it a month later) I explained to my husband how important this item was because before my fathjer died i told him I will continue my daughters piano lessons but due to no funds I had to pawn it, and it angers me that he acts as if he does not care to try to get it back, he says he cares but his actions show differently. The arguments have gotten so bad that insults seem to fly out of both mouths towards each other during arguments. A few years ago I brought up marriage counseling and he said he wanted to do it, but when it came down to it was never done. In our latest argument hje states it is my fault that he is unemployed because he concentrated all his eotions and time on me due to my father passing, I have filled out apps for him, I faxed the resume also, wrote his resume and at one point went as far as to call places from the phone book get info on hiring and wrote all information down including hr supervisors and all he had to do was follow up but he never did. I have filled out financial aid and tried to get him in school, he never followeed through, but he told me I should have done more to help him get into college. Everything is an argument ( If I ask him to clean the kitchen or anything really, it turns into who did it last and how I don’t do anything), anytime I try to tell him we both need to improve on things he always turns it around on me ( he always says: what have you done lately) I have worked the same job for 1 1/2 years( we moved alot due to not having enough finances to stay in any one place for very long) I also am going to school full time. I am at my wit end and have no idea what to do? Is divorce the next step, please help I feel like I am sinking further in my depression and feel helpless.
I want to tell everyone, Thank you so much for your advice. It means the world to me Thank you.

Please help this soul in despair?

I am 25 yearold married woman with two children. I am starting to feel myself grow away from my husband. We have been married for 5 years and together 6 years. The largest argument is finances. My husband was fired from is job due to insubordination even though we were barely getting by on both of our salary. He is constantly fire or “laid off” from jobs and will stay unemployed for 8-12 months at a time. He will not go and look for a job unless I finally snap on him about being unemployed for lenghty times, when he loses his job I have always been understanding. I usually tell him oh well do not worry about it and try to lighten up the situation but after 10 months unemployed and only searching a total of 4 days. Due to the income issues we have had our electricity cut off( they refused to give us extension because we have been late 10 times this year alone, embarrassing but it is the truth), internet and phone ( which I need for my job since I work at home), We are constantly late on our rent and now we are 2 months late and before we are evicted I made a decision to move to a less expensive place ( we only have to pay 600.00 monthly, and can barely afford that), I have went without meals and given my daughters the food. I have pawned everything that I own over time, and due to no food in the house I have had to pawn a large keyboard that was bought for my daughter from her grandfather ( he passed on jan. 20 2010 and I had to sell it a month later) I explained to my husband how important this item was because before my fathjer died i told him I will continue my daughters piano lessons but due to no funds I had to pawn it, and it angers me that he acts as if he does not care to try to get it back, he says he cares but his actions show differently. The arguments have gotten so bad that insults seem to fly out of both mouths towards each other during arguments. A few years ago I brought up marriage counseling and he said he wanted to do it, but when it came down to it was never done. In our latest argument hje states it is my fault that he is unemployed because he concentrated all his eotions and time on me due to my father passing, I have filled out apps for him, I faxed the resume also, wrote his resume and at one point went as far as to call places from the phone book get info on hiring and wrote all information down including hr supervisors and all he had to do was follow up but he never did. I have filled out financial aid and tried to get him in school, he never followeed through, but he told me I should have done more to help him get into college. Everything is an argument ( If I ask him to clean the kitchen or anything really, it turns into who did it last and how I don’t do anything), anytime I try to tell him we both need to improve on things he always turns it around on me ( he always says: what have you done lately) I have worked the same job for 1 1/2 years( we moved alot due to not having enough finances to stay in any one place for very long) I also am going to school full time. I am at my wit end and have no idea what to do? Is divorce the next step, please help I feel like I am sinking further in my depression and feel helpless.
I want to tell everyone, Thank you so much for your advice. It means the world to me Thank you.

What is my first step? Where do I go from here?

I lost my job in 2010 and failed to get “cobra” insurance because I was questioning where my family was going to make income.
I have health problems relative to a spinal injury that happened in 2004 that’s untreated. I have daily migraine headaches, daily back pain and stability issues, daily weakness in my legs, and daily indigestion.
I have no health insurance and my wife makes too much money to qualify for medicaid and obamacare.
My car broke 2 months ago and I’m left stranded at home to take care of house chores instead of look for employment.
I have two children that are school aged and we own our house; the work to take care of both is hard work but I can handle it (even with the pain).
My marriage is like a rollercoaster because my wife hates her job. She wants me to “be a man” and get a job that pays 50k a year (without a college education) so she can be an at home wife like women have in the past. But there are times she’s glad I’m home because she wouldn’t want to clean the house and she’s glad SOMEONE ELSE is doing it because she wouldn’t want to after the kids and her mess it up.
I’m happy being home because I can take breaks to overcome my pain from my injury and because I missed out on so much of my children’s life that I can finally get to know them and spend some quality time with my wife and repair the marriage.
I have ADHD, GAD, and I go in and out of depression (kind of thinking I might be bipolar but I’m in denial). I have no medication for this either and I think I would deny it if it were offered because of all the nasty toxic side effects to the body.
I have no identity. I never developed one growing up because of a sheltering mother and because of constantly being bullied since I was 10.
I can’t afford therapy (though my wife and I will be starting marriage counseling) so getting help from a professional isn’t an option.

So looking at the above. What do you suggest I do? Where do I start? How do I get organized? What do I need to sacrifice?

What advice should I give this friend?

A friend of mine had just divorced after 8 years when he met this woman. He told me she had been married two times and had a child by each marriage. He was a happy camper for a couple of months into this new relationship, she had kids and he wanted a family he said things could not have been better. He comes to work in the dumps said this woman told him she had not been dating for the past two years, then told him she just ended a two year affair with a co-worker. He said he was getting hang-up phone calls from this man, a letter in his mail box telling him to ask her about the affair. He said the man just lost a child and he created an email account with her name and sent him an email saying “Instead of telling him about the affair he should be telling his wife, and had a short time to do it or he was going to tell her.” I told him to run if she has cheated one time she’ll do it again, that was back in 2009.

He told me they were struggling with that affair, he seen where she was still talking to this co-worker for two months after she said she had stopped. Starting off 2010 he comes to work and said she was about to have a major operation and ask him move in with her and the kids and take care of her, and he did. I remember him saying this woman has so many problems with her ex husbands paying child support, she told him she had an affair on her first husband and got pregnant with her daughter, then after her first husband got re-married she had slept with him, had two or three other relationships with abortions involved, two divorces, and when he met her she was just ended an affair with a married co-worker. Again I told this get out, look at her history, women like this can change but I don’t see her changing anytime soon, she don’t love you man, and you can never love a woman like that.

Mid 2010 he comes in said she broke off the relationship, she told him she wish he would never have taken care of her, never met her kids, was not sure about the relationship, was not sure if she would ever marry again, not sure if she could ever commit again, just trashed this man. I told him leave her alone, she just told you how she felt about you man, she don’t respect you. He said she is a commitment phobic, she is yo-yoing I can help her if she will open up. I have fell in love with her, I have been working on her house for her painting it, building a deck, fixing things for her, she is paying for it all but I am doing it for her. I’m telling you man, why don’t you listen she don’t care a thing about you.

About this same time 2010 he comes in and says she had been calling him, emailing him, texting him about getting back together. She wanted to be committed, she loved him, the kids missed him, she never gave them a chance, but just before they were to have a talk to work things out he goes to her house and finds the co-worker she was having the affair with at her house, even spent the night. He told me he called the man wife and told her, said she already knew about the affair and thought it was over. He said the next day she emailed him saying he was to never call her again, I don’t think he did, but he said she called him a couple of weeks later, wanted to get back together, and he did. He said he put a key-logger on his computer, she gave him passwords to all her phones and emails as part of them getting back, the went to counseling, and things looked good he said and they finished out 2010, well Jan 2011 the key-logger showed a where she created an email account with a mans name and was sending this co-worker emails, he said when he found them, he forwarded them all to the co-workers wife, and she started telling him that he was a coward for doing that and had no right to disrupt two families like that. I told him again, dude you better get out now or you’ll be so torn apart.

Well a couple of weeks ago he said he left, she had changed her password on her phone and he told her it was part of them earning a broken trust, and she would not give it to him, so he ended it. She of course bashed him, trashed him and so on, really making it out like it was his fault, but all he wanted was a family and to show this bitter woman what love was about, he is all broken up about it. I think the woman is back with that same co-worker, I don’t know of anyone else that would have her, but I will say this about the man I work with, he must have loved her to put up with all that, he is a good man, not bad looking and I told him move on. He said he told her this time never to call him again, she never respected him and it was done, but he is really down over her, keeps saying she is a commitment phobic and needs help. I sure hope he never goes back to her, he says she’ll never call him again.

What advice can I give this man? Do you feel this woman will call him again?
I just don’t understand a woman like that messing a good man up, one that breaks his back for her?