Your Questions About Pre Marriage Counseling

can anyone tell me why people always defend the young boys who hurt little girls?

Why is it you look to people for support and understanding and a little help and when you get something back everyone is feeling sorry for the pre-teen screwing up peoples lives, innocent girls lives, and marriages, always wondering what happened to them to make them be that way and maybe it was the fathers lack of parenting or what have you. What ever happened to the little girl. Who gives a crap what happened to him or who didn’t do their job, is this still an excuse to hurt someone else. And if you are accountable in the eyes of god when you know right from wrong then why can’t you be held accountable on this sorry excuse for a planet? Would anyone feel for me if i went around hurting people for all the horrible things that have been done to me? I don’t think so, i would be in jail. I think these pre-teen boys know way more than what they are held responsible for and everyone needs to get over what they are going through and start thinking about what our girls are going to have to do to get over it to be a better person and not end up committing suicide, or strung out on some kind of drug. yeah put their miserable existence in counseling. How many people have been rehabilitated from sexually abusing kids or adults for that matter. Are there not people out there who cannot be helped? where else would we get the narcisistic and sadistic losers in the world?

How can I make my essay better?

and where can I find more sources on this particular subject?

Here’s the essay that so far has a 90, but I want better.

Ashley Moran
Mrs. Lebman- Brown
English II Pre-AP
November 17, 2009
Happiness
Everyone around the world has a different definition of happiness, but the media seems to be pushing happiness to be what is known as the “Nuclear Family” or “The American Dream”. The media is pushing us to think that happiness is a family that has at least two kids, in a middle-class suburban home, with a mother and a father, and a large car to drive in. This, is a false pretense. To be happy is not to fuel yourself with the thought of “The Nuclear Family” or “The American Dream”, it is to strive for your own dream. With that said, it is not necessary to have a happy marriage, to be happy. You can be happy being divorced, as long as you’re still reaching for your dreams.
If you live in in an urban setting, you must be a ghetto dweller. If you live in a manufactured home, you must be trailer trash. No, only the middle-class count, everyone else, just seems to be invisible. Single parents, are invisible. People who don’t have, or want kids, are invisible. Single people in general, are invisible, even elders are invisible. Is “The American Dream” really something that is realistic? The “Middle-Class” has completely disappeared, leaving home ownership today, to only the richest of people. The fifties-era is over, the family with the wage earner dad, the stay at home mom , and Dick and Jane, is completely rare. It is quite obvious that people today still strive to have “The Nuclear Family” just to reach what is known
Moran 2
today as happiness, but in reality, “The Nuclear Family” is not happiness, but reaching for your own definition of happiness, not this media invoked nonsense, is (Johnson).
The American Dream, of owning a car, a house, being able to maintain a family of at least two kids, and having a stay at home mom, is almost impossible in today’s economy. There are a growing number of high-wage knowledge jobs and low-wage service jobs, but fewer middle-class manufacturing and office jobs. The American Dream, is indeed continuing to wither away, but we continue to believe it is how we should define happiness (Atkinson). The United States is becoming less of a meritocracy, and becoming more of a class-bound society where economic background matters more than anything else, giving a declining number of people the chance to actually maintain a “Nuclear Family” (Francis).
In the case of divorce, there are some marriages that are completely unhappy, boring, and in some cases, abusive (Rosenblum). To stand the abuse, and the unhappiness, just to try to be happy reaching for the “Nuclear Family” title, is not worth it, people get more hurt then anything in cases like this. Children have to watch parents fight, and in turn, they are stressed out because of the fear of losing their mom or dad. The fear, is sometimes worse then dealing with the parents actually splitting, even though both cases are extremely stressful, one keeps the child or children in a hostile environment, while the other doesn’t. Even though children may feel “torn” from their parents, they are not forced, to live in a belligerent environment, which in the long run could actually help the child
Moran 3
(Zinsmeister). Parents who choose the path of the “Good” Divorce manage their own
divorce, and make their own decisions after appropriate advice and counsel. They realize that they are the only true experts on what is best for their family. They seek guidance and direction in order to make informed decisions without relinquishing their control over the process or their responsibility for the actions of their legal representatives and family agents. In this slow process, children learn to cope by getting used to things. The Nuclear Family, would have to deal with the abusive and belligerent environment of a couple who was leaning towards divorce, but chose not to, because of what the media provokes to be “The American Dream” (Wilson).
In what is known to be the “Nuclear Family” a woman who has a desire to have children is compelled to marry and almost certainly lose her job. She sinks to a much lower level of comfort than to which she has been accustomed, since her husband’s income is very likely no larger than that which she was previously earning and has to provide for a family, instead of only a single woman. In this case, many of the luxuries are taken away from the woman, who has to wait on her husband hand and foot (Russel 147).
People of today have to realize that living “The American Dream” and raising “The Nuclear Family” is not truly what makes people happy. To be happy, you don’t have to have children and a spouse. To be happy, you can be outside of the “middle-class”, you can be divorced. To be happy, all you truly need to do is reach for what you beli

Why do “christians” TELL PEOPLE TO “REMAIN-VIRGINS-until-marriage” – BUT — THEN MOCK THEM FOR DOING SO?

The “christian” churches constantly tell people to “obey the
Bible” and to “remain virgins until marriage” — AND YET –
WHEN it was FOUND THAT (unlike many of the ‘leaders’
and other more prominent members of these churches)
a good number of the ‘regular’ PEOPLE THERE actually
HAD / HAVE done exactly as they had been instructed
(remained-virgins-until-marriage … a good number of
whom did not marry until they were in their late-30′s or
even 40′s or so, and, in many of the cases, they had
also never even ‘made out’ with each other or anything)
– THESE VERY SAME churches of so-called “christians”
responded to these ‘faithful and devoted’ members by …

1) acting as if they were / are “shocked” by the fidelity
and commitment of these individuals to their own beliefs;

2) trying to “find dirt” on them (in a futile attempt to prove
they may have been lying about having remained virgins
until or never even having ‘made out’ until their marriage)

3) treating them in the most outrageously condescending
fashion / utterly mocking manner that anyone (whether a
“christian” or non-christian, alike) can ever dare imagine.

[And this mocking often even go so far as to act as
if, and even falsely imply that, these faithful (‘other’)
“christians who (of their own volition and desire to
follow the Word of God) simply chose to remain
sexual-virgins until their marriage (even if they
never married until later in life than expected) …

a) must, therefore, have some sort of
mental-defect (ex. sexual-repression)

b) must, therefore, have some sort of
social-inadequacy (ex. fear of intimacy)

c) must, therefore, have never had a single prior
opportunity' to engage in intimacy (have been
passed-over and / or rejected by everyone else)

d) must, therefore, actually be a closeted or latent
homosexual who are simply pretending to be straight
(this last implication is most frequently done if person
who first married or became engage later in life is very
attractive or has had any measure of career success).]

Yes – believe it or not – some of these true christians (whose
engagement or marriage (or even their ‘regular dating situation)
first occurred after a certain age have, in fact, experienced this
firsthand (ex. during their pre-marital pastoral counseling, bridal
showers, groom fittings, personal conversations and even more).

What’s odd is that, in every single case – not only were
NONE of the false implications even remotely true – BUT
– once the younger people observed how these ‘faithful
and devoted’ (‘other’) ones were being treated by the
more ‘prominent’ members of these so-called “christian”
communities – they, became discouraged and decided to
either 1) marry-the-first-anybody-who-comes-along their
path or 2) engage in sexual activity prior to marriage
so they would not be mocked for the “sinful crime” of
being a Christian volitional-virgin beyond a certain age.

So many of the so-called “christians” are the
most false, hypocritical people I have ever seen.

They openly encourage ‘other people’ to strive to live
a lifestyle that most of ‘them’ are not even daring to try
to live — and, when the ‘other’ succeeds in doing so –
these false, phony, hypocritical and jealous so-called
“christians” will then turn around and (for no other reason
than that person having had the ability to do something
the “christian” failed in doing) the so-called “christian”
then condescends toward and mocks that person (even
going so far as to make it look like it “a-miracle-of-biblical-
proportions” that someone else actually decided to obey
the commandments found in the same Word of God that
these so-called “christians” falsely claim to follow these.

Watching the behavior of these so-called “christians” is
one of the main reasons that I will not attend church!!

Their own personal-hypocrisy — combined with their
open persecution, condescension and mockery of the
people who are and have been able to live up to the
very same standards they have set (but cannot meet) –
makes me sick to my stomach and I cannot stand them!

These so-called “christians” say and do the most
STUPID, discouraging and hypocritical things that
I have ever had the misfortune of witnessing any
group pf people do anywhere – and because of it they
turn other christians away from church and turn (often
‘curious’) non-christians away from knowing Christ.

By the way – please JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION
and DO NOT GIVE ME A SPEECH about how #1) I
do“need” to go to church; or #2) the “real” christians”
are “not like that”; or #3) I simply need to “find a better
church or more faithful group of so-called “christians”
(because it happens in ALL of the churches), etc.

– CC
@Tiss,

I am NOT the +30 / +40 year old noted
in my example — little miss know-it-all
(in your arrogant assumptions … you
have inverted all the parties involved).

Clearly I am much younger and an
EX-churchgoer who has become
so disillusioned with the whole
institution and will NOT attend
– largely because of the type
of people noted in my essay
(who abuse and mock their
own ‘faithful’ members) AND,
of course, because of people
like you (arrogant know-it-alls
who refuse to allow a single
criticism to exist if it applies
to you so-called “christians”).

YOU, Tiss, are the kind of people who
make people like me avoid churches
and especially churchgoers at all cost.

Ladies, can you really change your libido?

Short story is that my wife of 15 years is rather asexual. She never has cravings for sex, and consequently doesn’t feel sex/intimacy is a critical component to a happy marriage. We are at the brink of divorce, and she says she is willing to try (again), but I just have no faith that it is possible.

The long story is that we got married at 21. We had some pre-marital sex, but not much (her family was strict Catholic and so it was hard to find the opportunity). Our sex was always mediocre, but she did orgasm. More often through oral, but also through intercourse. Anyways, we got married and only had sex 4 times on our 7-day honeymoon. In the first few months of marriage, we already had our first “fight” on the topic and that is when she told me that she never craves sex and that she thinks sex “once a month is more than sufficient.” Needless to say, I was stunned. The end of our first year had a 4-month dry spell.

For the 8 years after that, we went through a cycle. We would have sex once every 3 or so months until I initiated an argument/discussion on the topic. She would agree to try to be more receptive to sex, we would have sex a few times a week for at most a month. But then it would quickly taper off to once a month, then once every 3 or so months.

We tried many things to increase her libido as well – romantic things, adventurous things, sexy things, etc. One thing we did not try is counselling (which in hind sight, we should have done first). Medically, she is fine, although she does have hypothyroidism, so that might play some part in it.

After 8 years of this, I contemplated divorce, but decided against it. My reasoning was that I loved her and I loved her good traits more than I hated her bad ones. In hind sight, I think I was just being a coward. Our sex life dwindled from once every 3 months, to every 6 to every year, to never. We began to have kids on year 10. It was the worst sex ever, completely passionless and mechanical. It was around this time that she began to decline receiving oral, which was one of the ways I could always get her to orgasm. So in the last 5 years, we have had sex to make 3 kids – and that is it.

Now here we are … and I am so miserable by living in a completely sexless relationship. No kissing, cuddling, or physical affection otherwise. I’ve been acting like a jerk lately and rather ignoring her needs – to which I have driven her to the brink of divorce. I finally told her of my thoughts and that I see a larger problem than just the last few months. I told her how I hate the fact that we have no intimacy in our lives. Her response was “well, its just not that important to me.” After some discussion, she says she is willing to try to improve things.

But the truth is … I have no faith that she can. We’ve been down this road so many times. I don’t doubt that she can fake being sexual for a few weeks, but, she will ultimately stop. I can’t blame her, if she isn’t into it, then, it makes sense that she won’t be able to keep it up.
For the record, and in response to the first responder – there are people with high and low libidos. But there are also people who have no sexual cravings whatsoever. Even though they can orgasm, they don’t get the craving to do it again.