Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Tips

can someone please help i think my marriage is almost over.?

My wife and I have been married for 2.5 years and have been together for 13 years, we meet when she was 13 and I was 15, we have a 10 year old daughter and own our own home. I fond out about 2 months ago my wife is not happy with me she says that things have to change, she told me that I have ignored her has not helped with anything I have been lazy and have not even noticed that she would cry her self to sleep for about a year. She told me that she has lost the connection with me and doesn’t know if it will ever come back, she said she is trying but doesn’t know if it will work or not. I never realized i did this, I have been on real strong pain pills due to a very bad neck injury which dulled my caring and other things, but i never noticed i was doing this until she told me that I was. ever since she told me two months ago i have stepped up my game and have been helping around the house doing anything i see that needs done with out being asked to do them and i do not ask for praise for doing them and when i don’t know what to do i ask if there is anything she needs or wants, i actually am enjoying it. When she dresses up or when i think she needs it i tell her she looks beautiful. i am even trying to connect better with my daughter. I guess i have been smothering her and i don’t mean to but i’m afraid if i don’t try hard enough she will be mad. Now she wants me to move out while we work on things and so she has her space to think because she says “I can’t think with you up my butt.” i can move in to my moms house but 2 different people have told me to split the house; my wife works 3 to 4 nights a week, and one of the people that i know is a child psychologist says on the nights my wife works that i should stay in the house with our daughter while she stays somewhere else and the nights she doesn’t work that i should stay somewhere else. I am afraid that if i leave i wont be able to fight for the love that i know deep down she still has but it is just locked away, and that it will just make matters worse, and that she will be able to just move on from me. i love her with all my heart but she says she needs me to move out because she needs the space. Please help. I am getting sick over all this stress of being helpless right now i am having anxiety attacks and cry a lot i have been seeing a counselor and asked my wife if we can see a marriage counselor but she is one of those people that don’t believe in counseling. Please help any tips or tools would be much appreciated. my other biggest fear is the impact on our daughter. I don’t want my wife to make it look like i am the one leaving. our daughter is so smart beautiful and creative and i am afraid it will crush her. I need help with her more than anything.
I have offered her about 3 weeks ago to take a week to her self where ever she wants to go and she doesn’t have to tell me where it will be her time. She took a Friday night to her self was stalking her i tried to put a rose on her windshield the next morning and her car wasn’t at the hotel i assumed she was at, so i gave the rose to my daughter so none is the wiser and it made her day, well i told my friend she wasn’t there and then he said he would find out where she was at i told him not to because she would get mad, well he did it anyways and she comes home pissed at me needless to say he is no longer a friend. Has anyone ever had a separation that has worked out? This is also the third time i have heard of this movie Fireproof in a week i will have to pop it in one night and hopefully she will watch it with me. I am afraid if i contact her family about help she will turn on me.

How to deal with emotions caused by infidelity.?

I was just wondering how a person deals with the pain caused by infidelity.
We have been to marriage counselling and we are starting to do a lot more together. (also our communication has improved)
But the pain is still there sometimes.
(Any tips?)

My husband and I DO NOT know how to communicate w/each other. What can I do to help our marriage?

O.K. I’m going to start with an example: My six year old was looking in the freezer for her cup of ice cream and couldn’t find it. My husband and I were sitting in the living room and since he was the one that put her ice cream in the freezer I asked him where it was. He said “In the freezer.” I said “Where?” He then looks at me like I’m stupid and smarts off (I can’t remember exactly what he said.) So I said, “See this is what I’m talking about, you always talk to me like that.” He says “Well look at what kind of questions you ask!” I meant was it in the freezer door? on one of the top shelfs? etc. These kinds of little arguments happen between us daily. I tell him all the time that he wouldn’t talk to anyone else like that even if he thought their question (or comment) was stupid.
O.K. so then after he speaks meanly to me, I can’t help myself and I smart off back to him and of course a whole argument begins. It’s a vicious cycle. We just DO NOT know how to communicate with each other!! I’ve asked him to go to counseling with me and he refuses (most of the time saying we can’t afford it-which we really can’t, but I’d be willing to sacrifice some things to help my marriage), but I’ve also bought us a counseling type CD program and he didn’t ever even open his.
We have two small children and I’d hate for them to have divorced parents.
I have only 1 semester plus student teaching left until I graduate with my bachelor’s degree so I really cannot work right now.
His company laid him off and he is only receiving unemployment right now, so I’d hate to tell him that I can’t take this anymore and he needs to leave.
BUT–I can’t take this anymore!! We are always hurting each others feelings and plus we fuss in front of the kids! I don’t know what to do!! Can anyone please give me some tips on how to help our marriage. I know someone is going to say that I need to be nice to him and maybe it will rub off, but I have tried that unsuccessfully! It’s too hard for me to keep being nice when he keeps being mean, so I’m not good at that!
I do the “live my own life” thing, also.
It’s always been like this-if it’s not the stress from unemployment, it’s the stress from work.
I love the suggestions of just not arguing back b/c that was always my logical answer also, however when I do this he thinks that everything is fine and expects our sex life to continue. I then have to turn him down b/c I do not want to do that with a man who is unkind to me so often, so this becomes the issue then!!
Thank you to everyone who has tried to help me with this. It’s great just to get some feedback and hearing your stories are enlightening also!!

What are some Health/Well-being/Mental services people spend big money for and you think are useless?

Here’s what I think:

Nutritionist – You pay 200 for every appointment. All the information they give you, you already know, unless you are not familiar on how to count carbs and/or calories. And that exercises helps you burn fat. I’m not knocking their profession, but I could give you just as much information myself.

Physical therapist – Besides the chiropractor stretching you out, you can do 90% of the stuff on your own. Most of the time the Physical therapist don’t know what’s wrong with you. Could be a pinch nerve or arthritis, which can be painful. They will prescribe you meds like meloxica, leflunomide,valdecoxib, or flexeril. It’s something more serious like a fracture or ruptured disc than
you would have to go to them for that so I’m not going to knock them that much.

Going to the doctor for a Cold or FLU – $200 for common sense: stay inside where it’s warm, stay hydrated, eat soup, clean your pillows and blankets, take some flu med or try one of grandmas old remedies. The symptoms are so easy to spot and if you don’t know – Webmd.com. Really all the doctor can do is prescribe you meds that your insurance probably won’t cover.

Marriage counseling – they can give you simple common sense tips on how to improve your marriage. It is effective for a lot of people. Most of the time people who go to marriage counseling are sincere about improving their marriage anyway, that’s like 80% of the battle. Some couples may need it because they can’t find common ground, but that’s because they don’t have common sense.

Going to a shrink for mild depression – Talking to a shrink isn’t going to make you happy. They want you to think they care, but they really don’t, it’s just a job, if they cared they wouldn’t charge you 300 for a session. It’s more of a research study than anything. I can prescribe you Pot and a nightlife. Or you could try going to Jesus.

Going to church – people give a lot of money in the Church. It use to be mostly white people but now I see Blacks giving away lots of $$ to these fake preachers. I can’t believe someone can think giving money to a guy who already has money could ever please God. I guess they think this can wash away all the sins they committed last week.

You have any more?