Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Advice Men


John asks…

Marriage advice…for the serious ones only!?

I have had many problems with my husband of 9years.I have tried counseling by myself since he is the macho type and won’t even consider it.We have separeted for a while but do to finances and childerns well being got back together.He has promissed many time to change his ways(being more there for the kids attention wise,want to have better comunication with me,more positive about things,etc.)He changes for a bit then falls back into the kind of man who’s not abusive but is not really there either,he just comes home from work eats,sits in bed all evening and falls asleep.I have tried many times to get back the normal husband I once had,I have tried talking,and everting else.I feel he loves me and but I;m guessing that isn’t enough most of the time.How do I get him to change and not have to get a divorce.He only talk when he feels like it,I never tought of myself as being this calm with this whole situation but I guess I’m holding up for the kids.What should I do?
Thank you all for the really kind words,I do apreciatte it!I have a lot of thinking to do and a big talk to have yet today.Wish me luck!And best wishes to all.

MarriageCounseling answers:

Well love it’s not your place to change him, he has to want to change on his own!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were woman enough some time ago to bring things to a head and separate, you can’t fall back on financial situation to stay in this dead end relationship! You were a woman first before you were anything else, so allow no man for that matter to take your womanhood and become co-dependent on what he can do for you and your children! Say what you mean, and mean what you say! Gain your self-respect for you and your children and get it together….. Allow him to figure his own destiny with his relationship with you and your children…. Don’t be sooooooooo needy because as long as you are healthy willing and able you can do it!!! My advice to you is, don’t warn or tell him anything further, there’s nothing else I am sure at this point to discuss and I am sure you sound like a broken record! Regroup and set the pathway for your future as gainning your self-respect and womanhood back! Do what you need to do for you and your children without him! Stop living your life in the not knowing and somehow allowing him to make all the decisions and being unhappy and stop you from being the only person that realizes there is a problem, heck he knows, he has the additude of indifference, and guess what let him have the attitude all by himself! Don’t allow your children to believe that you can’t make it without him, always depend on you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God Bless and Good Luck!!!!!!!! But at this point there really isn’t anymore advice, me or anyone can give you, you have to want things to happpen for yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Daniel asks…

Need marriage advice…married for almost 4 years…?

I don’t even know where to begin but I’ve been thinking about getting a divorce from my husband now since our son has been born.(He’s 9 mo. old) After he was born I just didn’t like how my husband fathered our son and things between he and I changed a lot too. My husband is a loving father, he just doesn’t interact with our son as much I’d like and seems to put work ahead of us. He is in the military, which is another argument with us. My concern is that I have a lot to do with his behavior though. I’m constantly comparing him to my father and he just can’t seem to measure up. I guess my main concerns in a nutshell are:
1) I’d like him to be a more active father with our son
2) I’d like him to be a more loving and attentive husband
3) Put family 1st
4) To stop making me feel less than all the time
He’s a good man it just seems like his head is in the clouds sometimes. Please don’t mention counseling, were going to try it.

MarriageCounseling answers:

I had almost all of the same problems as you. This website actually saved my marriage http://urls2go.com/57/

Sharon asks…

getting out of an emotionally abusive marriage and need advice on getting better?

I am 24 and been in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship for 8 years. Although it took me very long to realize my situation, im finally getting a divorce and will be physically leaving the house this month(the only reason i am still there is to finish my semester in college) im going to counseling on campus and my school knows about my situation. i still live with my husband although wew are getting our divorce papers in order. I signed over the house, avoid my husband as much as possible but although we are seperated he makes me miserable. He says i make him miserable so he will make me miserable. Im super happy that i am leaving but i have been left messed up. im uneasy, anxious, depressed on am on anti depressants. i know i will be better back with my family since they live out of state but i feel like i am a different person becuase of this and fear i will never be who i used to be. i fear that i will build a wall to any good man that comes my way and i will never get over the things i went through. He has threaten to beat my father, kill my dog and said we were enemies. however he becomes sweet with me when he wants sex and when i refuse i am again an asshole. i loved him more then my life ( which i know now its not healthy) now i can wait to get away from him. please help me men and women who have been through any similar expereince and how you dealth with the next step after leaving.

MarriageCounseling answers:

Well I have been there was abused emotionally and physically for 4 years by ex husband. I went to Counseling after leaving him. Started doing stuff I wanted to do that made me happy, stuff he wouldn’t let me do cause he was also very controlling. Got back in contact with my family now live closer to them. When I was with him he had me shut off from the rest of the world made me feel like no one cared about me so I would stay but after a while I got wise and brave and decided enough was enough myself and my children didn’t deserve the way he was treating us. I also started dating and found a man who is very good to me and am now happily married to him my 2 children from first husband know my new hubby as daddy hes been there for them since they where just over a year and 8 months old he is there daddy as far as i am concerned cause he loves them and is the only one who has been there for them. I also have a daughter now with new hubby and we are a happy family. As far as my ex haven’t seen him in over 2 yrs or had any contact with him. I wish you the best of luck, Just keep faith and remember you are strong,wise and beautiful and now woman deserves to be treated this way. You will find happiness not all men are assholes.

Richard asks…

Men’s advice pls -Wife wants husb to divorce her and leave,she doesn’t want anything from him. Why won’t he go

Second marriage (widowed) for me, first for him. He has fathered no children, I have two sons. He is from another country, no family here. It’s my house. We have our own jobs and own bank accounts. When I married, I loved him more than life. I thought he felt the same to. We were engaged nine months before marriage. Married 4 yrs now.
I have caught him making plans to meet another woman when he goes home this summer to visit with his family. I found emails and have kept copies. After confronting him and throwing him out, he of course, apologized. I thought we could work through it since “the act” wasn’t committed, but after about 6 months my heart has hardened and I don’t think I love him anymore, maybe starting to hate him. I have gone to counseling, he won’t. I have told him several times to just leave. If he’s so unhappy just leave (I can’t it’s my house and home). He won’t. I don’t want any money, or anything except what I brought to marriage. I worry over my kids missing him.
I am hurt and unhappy now. I just want him to go away. I have made an easy out for him, why won’t he take it?
In response to “getdownonurknees”. IT IS MY HOUSE. My name and my DECEASED husband’s name is on the deed. I’ve lived there for 14 years and I paid the mortgage in the past and AM still paying it.

MarriageCounseling answers:

You are going through a bad patch you find out he has been plotting behind your back with another women and he was well and truly found out.
Your emotions are every where and there is no hard and fast rule as to when one emotion pops up and then goes away for goo or to later reserface.
What has happenend now is you are still very angry with him for what he did betray you in worst possible way.
What you have not done by the sound of it is really thrash this out with him being open and honest with one another as to why he found the need to do this.
My guess and only a guess is YOU did all the talking, shouting, crying ect and he did nothing but sit there and let you rant so now he thinks that because you have said your bit and he has possible said oh sorry he thinks that is it!
NO it is not it you cant just move on and play happy family your relationship will never be the same again however if you want it to it can be a lot better and stronger.
Try and get him to talk things through with you and if he wont then tell him it is over and you want him to leave your home.
Unfortunatly I am affraid he has the attitude give you a while and you will forget and move on. You will never forget however you can forgive but it is not one sided like now it has to be the two of you working together he has not offered you one single step towards the repair so I think you have good grounds to get rid of him if you really want to.
You will get tough and you will feel you hate him that my friend is natural when the man does nothing to make you feel wanted, safe, loved or secure.
You cant make or force him to talk but he really needs to know you are serious never leave your home go and see a solicitor to find out your rights and tell him that is where you are going scare the pants off him to show him you mean it.

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