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How can I fix this marriage?

I am at a total loss here. I’ll try to be as concise as possible…

Been married 20+ years, kids, etc.

About five years ago, I found out my wife was having an affair with an old boyfriend from out of state. He would come to town, etc and they would meet in his hotel room.

We went into counseling. I thought it was going well for a while. She was genuinely (it seemed) remorseful, and was recommitting to the marriage.

Fast forward a few years. She has decided she doesn’t want to go to counseling anymore. She felt like the counselor was always beating her up. I kept going for a while, and really feel better about me as a result, even if the relationship was going south again. For example, I’d mention something from a counseling session and she’d snap “I’m sick of all that counseling crap!”

Fast forward to the first of this year. I’m still trying to think of ways to reconnect. I hear about this pastor who is advising couples to have sex every day for a month. That sounded interesting…honestly our sex life had devolved into a once every month or so chore. So I decided to try it on the first of january. The first night went fine, but then on successive nights she rejected me, so I quit trying. We haven’t had sex since.

A few weeks ago, she decided (apparently) to openly ridicule me. We have teenage daughters who (of course) all want tattoos (which I hate, but that’s another subject). Anyway, they were sitting around talking about what tattoos they wanted, and my wife jokingly said she was going to get one. “Yeah, right, mom!” was the response. Then my wife said I should get one. She said I should get one that said “Mother” on my arm (she doesn’t get along with my mom). Then she said I should get one that said “M” on my penis because that’s all that would fit. This was in front of my daughters!

She is a teacher. She just got done for the summer last week. Monday morning she calls me at work and says she is taking the kids to the lake for the week. She asked me how I felt about that. I said I felt excluded. She said she wanted to do something spontaneous (even though it turns out she had been planning this trip with a girlfriend for a while, but then the girlfriend fell through, so she took the kids). She hung up and the next thing I know I’m getting a call from one of my daughters in the car as they are half way there.

This really bothers me because one of the things she did with the affair a few years ago is arrange to meet up with him down at the lake.

Anyway, I am at the end of my rope. I feel trapped. I don’t know where to start. I still love her, but I just can’t take any more of this. I own my own business, and business is slow because of the economy, so I worry about the costs of divorce and setting up a separate home and all that. We still have kids in junior high and one in grade school. I don’t like the idea of breaking up the family for their sake, and I don’t like the idea of not being with them every day.

I don’t know what to do. I need some help. Any advice is most welcome. Thanks.

My wife of 8yrs says don’t love me anymore I want to save our marriage for me and kids?

I found my wife have internet affairs sending pics no nudes but close enough telling person she loved them. When i confronted her she cried said just words didn’t mean any thing she loves me and only wants me and family and blamed me always working not paying attention. I slapped her it kills me that i did this guilt is horrible. We made up made love several times that day. We snuggled and held each other constantly telling each other we loved each other. We made love each night and morning for 3 weeks even when my family visited for 5 days during this period always snuggling and loving. We didn’t tell anyone what had happened i didn’t want anyone to think less of her would have taken any judgement of me i hate myself for what i did. 3 Days after my family left i came home to empty house shed taken girls and left went to her parents 3 states away. When i and she talked to me after a night of no sleep and constant texts with no answer she told me she could live with me anymore because i slapped her. I found she had restarted internet affair day she arrived. next morning was served civil restraint order and summons for court in state of her parents i went week of no contact with her per order could only talk to daughter by mother calling and asking if i could talk to them. she had told them they were visiting that’s what they know to date. I went to court charges dismissed as was not threat as she stayed so long and i had never done this before. I still hate myself for it. So i called wanted to talk to her she wont speak to me i text very few replies mostly idle and she cant talk to me right now. I filled for divorce day she left because she took kids i wanted them back we have always been close. I want her back would do anything for her too even drop divorce even with all the cost it has put on me. After another week and talking to her parents telling them i need to know what she wants i want them back home i love her shes my world means as much to me as kids. They and a friend of hers convinced her to speak to me today. She told me i could come get kids next week end bring them home but shes not coming back. She don’t love me anymore she is going to work there save up and find place close to our home to live to be with girls and wants us to be friends and play happy family for kids. says she still doesn’t want anyone else but doesn’t wont me. I asked if their was anyway we could work this out I still love her madly and hate myself for what happened. Im 36 shes 25 i married her young but loved her as she loved me. the affairs started in march never in person she swears i believe her. I have asked her to stop them she says no doesn’t mean anything and has no interest in ever meeting this person they live several states from both our home and her parents. I asked her to please consider returning with children staying here and giving thought to letting us try to start over again for children at least and way she cried on phone telling me doesn’t want to hurt me anymore i feel their is still love. I want us to go to counseling together. I have been texting to much and trying to get her on phone till today i told her i would back off but please talk to me some as i still love her and even as friends we have children and need to talk. the job she has there is her first job. I told her before she said don’t love me that i wanted to make us better not like before doing date nights family time counseling that all the stuff i didn’t do like telling her how much she means to me daily helping more around house quit my night shift job take old job that made less but was days thru week again to spend more time with her she wont relent sobs and says i don’t want to hurt you more i cant i don’t love you. But also says cant because it would be to easy to slip back into our life and she scared she just end up hurting me again. I would risk the hurt i believe love still there and i will make her see by being different like was when we were dating. She did say she would think about coming back with girls i hope she will but don’t hold much hope but will pray on it constantly. I don’t want to loose her i will never love anyone but her. I don’t know what to do i am told by family and friends to take girls and let her go. I cant but i don’t want to drive her away. Even told her i would be her lover so no others might be exposed to children confusing them as they are 5 and 7 it is important they have stable home life. She said she couldn’t use me that way it would hurt me more I would take hurt as it would protect her and children and yes me too from others causing my family further pain in end. She married me young and while i wasn’t perfect husband i loved her deeply and we were always close even when affair was happening. She is the love of my life and i believe we are each others 1 true love. What can i do to get her to fall back in love and come back t

How long do i wait on my wife? she wants to work on things but slow and wants me to wait?

She’s been through alot in her childhood taken from her parents when she was very young! In and out of Foster care until she turned 18. Her parents then divorcing. Then getting married and having two kids at a young age! Then her self divorcing and we started dating when she was 24 and I was 37 . I also have had two broken marriage and five kids. That at the time my x wife had custody of and her x husband had custody of her two kids. We fell deeply in love. And after a year of dating and being together we married! And not long after I won custody of my kids and bought a big house and suburban to go with this big family! After about one year of being married she starts having issues with my kids and the oldest at the time didn’t see eye to eye with her. So they fought I would talk to them and they’d make up! But one day my got mad after a argument about the kids and left me for about two weeks! Made up came back! Then things was doing great she vowed never to leave me she only wanted me and she loved me! She then after about three years she wanted us to share the only thing we didnt have together and that was a baby! The only problem was she was fixed and had to get a operation that cost 10000 dollars to have it done nine months later we where pregnant! And our beautiful Victoria Grace was born life counldnt be better! Then I my job required me to stay away from home for three nights and four days a week that’s when my oldest daughter and my wife started fighting again! So it bought stress and arguing with us as well! My oldest wanted to move in with her mom! So after a little while I let her. Then came March 2 I came home to a empty closets and dressers my wife had left me with my four kids and took our baby moved in with her brother. After about a month she came back we started church as a family again I started counseling in hope my wife would do the same. She said she wouldn’t they never helped her when she was in Foster care. She has since left again! Do I wait

How to tell if it’s time to divorce?

My husband is in the military. We have been married a little over 2 years.
I have given up my career (for the time being), and my education so we could finally move together. I was okay with that because we had a plan of getting me enrolled in school a few months later. Well after waiting a year to get back to school and trying to get into colleges, I’ve found the prefect one for me. He isn’t very supportive of the decision cuz it will cost $10,000 for a bachelors (which is actually a deal). I have to get a job and pay for my tuition while he has 2 car loans (exceeding $30,000). I am more than happy to find a job, but I dont know if I will since I have been out of work for over a year, and businesses tend to hire graduates and people with recent experience.
Also, he has been hinting about my weight. I’m maybe 10 pounds overweight (if that)
I wanted a child a while back and so did he. Well, we ended up not being able to conceive before he left (which may be a good thing). I asked him a few months ago if we could start trying when he came back cuz I need to get my body in shape a little bit. And he said yes since I will get skinnier.
It seems like I can go the whole day without talking to him and be just fine, but the minute I do talk to him I am an emotional wreck.
He talks to his ex-girlfriend and wants to hang out with her and he know’s it hurts me. So he says he has to delete his e-mails so I dont find him cuz he know’s it will hurt me. If he knows it will hurt me, why would he do it in the first place.
It seems as if I’m not good enough and I’m watching my on life and career pass me by and we’re not going to last.
I’ve asked him before to attend marriage counselling with me and he refuses. He thinks our marrige is perfect.
I literally want to give up, but I am not the type of person to just let things go. I fight for our marriage, but I don’t know if it‘s even worth it anymore.
Would you leave your spouse on these terms?