Your Questions About Marriage Therapy Books

getting divorced, how should i work on myself?

i was married to a narcissistic, porn-addicted man who was joined at the hip with his parents. i am getting divorced now. my previous relationships were also with men who treated me poorly, so it seems this is a pattern for me. with every such relationship, i lose confidence and self-esteem and make even poorer choices the next time around.

i want to break this cycle. what should i do? i am going to therapy and reading self-help books. i am working on deepening ties with my family and friends. i have taken up new interests and hobbies.

in therapy i am looking at my childhood – my father was harsh and critical and depriving. i am not sure how it affects my choice of men, but i have ended up feeling i must be a masochist to repeatedly make such bad choices. i am now so afraid of relationships that i think i can’t handle the stress of a marriage/relationship any more and am better off staying single.

any suggestions as to how to reclaim and rebuild my life? i am especially looking for experiences of women who have been through similar situation or who have been divorced.

Why do people automatically assume that married people are more responsible than unmarried ones?

This is something I don’t understand. It seems people think that people who are married automatically will be better parents to their children. Why is this? I see in the news all the time that married people abuse, neglect, or kill their children. And I also hear all the time that married people cheat or otherwise neglect their relationships. And there are mountains of self-help books about how to save your marriage and a whole industry devoted to couples therapy. So, if there is all this evidence showing that marriage doesn’t make you a better person, why is it just assumed that this is the best way to live and have a family?
Edit: Interesting answers. Funny thing though, I looked up US divorce rates. I found that an average of 50% of first marriages end in divorce, second marriages 60%. Also, that couples with children have only a slightly less chance of divorce. Almost everyone I know who’s ever been married has been divorced at one time also. I was raised by a single mom, and I’m pretty sure I would have turned out more screwed up had my parents stayed together. This opinion is popular among most of my friends who were raised by single parents also. Ideally, a couple would overcome anything for the good of their children, but statistically this seems to not be the case.

Going Crazy?

My husband isn’t a complete mama’s boy, but his mother would love him to be. SHe has a horrible marriage which in return makes her very lonely and my husband even admitts how lonely she is but then he plays into it 50% of the time. She always asks him to do things for her like calling to wake up his brother..whatever happened to alarm clocks? i can’t talk to him bc he gets defensive and we fight. I don’t get along or like his mother and sister, I was really close to them when we first started dating but then they got jealous that he was picking me over them and they because very hateful and mean. I wouldn’t mind seeing his family if we got along but on average we see them 6 days a week. I’m so frusterated my writing isn’t even making sense! UGH! wat should I do? He won’t go to therapy, I’ve read books…anyone have any ideas?? Thank you very much!
Besides his mom and sister we have a really good marriage and I don’t want to loose that especially bc of our son. He doesn’t think that he is a mama’s boy and he’s not really she is just really needy and is always making attempts. Sometimes he’ll cave, but most the time he’ll put me 90% he’ll put me first. It’s just really annoying that she is always trying to be so sneaky and manipulative. Thanks for being so nice.

therapy for marriage trouble. any ideas?

we’re not thinking of cheating or anything but we don’t seem to get a long very well sometimes. anyone have ideas on what worked for them? any books or therapists that made you get along better? all i can say is that we are only married a year, we fought like this since we met pretty much, and we do want to be together. we don’t have any kids.