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Question for men who have cheated on their spouses only.?

Men those of you who have cheated on your wives have any of you cheated and learned form you mistake and never did it again? I just wondered how many men out there actually learned from their mistake and never hurt their significant other like that again. Those of you that have had a 2nd chance did you do right by your wives and turn things around? I just wondered because my husband and i are going through this and i am willing to give a 2nd chance i just wonder how many of you actually do turn your lives around after this kind of mistake?

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Additional details:
We are in counseling, have been for the last 3 months and it is helping, my husband and i learned that he has tons or personal issues that have nothing to do with our marriage or even me. We are working through things and he is putting forth an honest effort to make up or at least try to do anything i ask. He has changed his phone num, email addy. Canceled his myspace, facebook ect.. and he wrote the other woman an email in front of me and sent it and then let me read her reply before he canceled his email. He is always accountable for where he is and never hides anything from me. So yeah we are working it out i just wondered in general how many men out there honestly feel bad about what they did and won’t ever put there wives through that again.

Here’s the link to the story about what happened between my husband and i its to long to retype so here’s the original question i asked a while ago.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…

I think my husband may be bi? I need mature advice.?

We have been married for 4 years, together for 10. We have 2 children. We were happy, have a great life, an active sex life.

2 weeks ago, he left his computer open on the coffee table when he had to run out on an emergency (he is a firefighter) On it, was a yahoo messenger box, with a name that left nothing to the imagination and it was clearly someone looking to meet bi men. He had a whole list of contacts. He has had this active profile for a year.

I threw up, and waited till he got home. At first, he denied everything but I had too much proof. We did not talk for days, only if it was something about the kids would we speak. Finally we sat down last night and had an open conversation. He said that he started with a group of friends a year or so ago setting up a new cadets profile under a gay site so he would get emails from gay men. It was all to be a joke. Then he was curious when he got home and it went from there. He says that it is something he can do to get away from reality (talk to bi or gay men) and he would never meet up in “real life” and it was just something that he found “intriguing”. I asked him many times if he had ever done anything other then chat and he says no. He says that he does not have that strong of a desire, it is just a thing that interested him on the net alone.

I do not think that he has met any of these people. They weren’t local. I don’t want to sound naive…but…

We are together most always. We WORK together even. If he is not with me, he is with the kids or I could easily account to where he is. We have a happy sex life, but for the past 2 weeks have not slept together (my choice)

I guess what I am asking is this. I know women who get turned on by lesbian porn but are “straight” Is it possible that he is just living out a fantasy via chatting? Like, do I trust him not to go out and have sex with a gay man?

I have been searching for answers and I just don’t know. I have confided in my best friend who said that many men have these fantasies but don’t act them out and many never get caught like he did. But he has had this profile for a year…this is not new.

I don’t want to go to counseling. He would not either.

I am thankful he was as open as he was about this, but can I trust that he says it’s just a fantasy on the internet only?

We had such a stable marriage.

What do private investigators have the capability of doing?

Okay, where to start..

I guess my main question here is, can private investigators tap into something as personal as a cell phone? yahoo messenger?

I have been having difficulties over the course of the past few months with my husband and this ‘PI guy’ who somehow learned of my husbands cell number and email address and randomly texted/ emailed him to ‘be leary of his wife’s online encounters’.

My husband is fully aware that I am leaving him and it is just a matter of time, and while he doesn’t like it, he accepts it.. he knows it’s been over a long time now. So it’s not as though he has paid this individual to go out and follow me. Believe me, up until recently he has been out of work, and I was the one paying for everything.. I know this guy has not recieved any pay whatsoever

What is your, an outsider looking in, take on this whole thing?

Does it make sense that this is an actual investigator who claims to look out for innocent bystanders or do you think that this is someone I know.. perhaps someone I have talked to in the past and maybe is just trying to mess with me, cause conflict and drama? Sometimes he just makes stuff up..

Frankly, I’m getting really annoyed and tired of the whole thing, and wish he would just quit.

What do I do?

And please, do me a favor… if any of you are thinking of typing some smart *** response such as, go to marriage counseling, stay with your husband, and stop talking to other guys… save it. either A) read my other questions/ answers and get an idea of my lifestyle and the fact that not only has he abused me mentally, emotionally and physically; he has also done this in front of our children.. then attempt to respond without prejudice or B) simply go to the next question…
Thank you arctan, you have been the most helpful.

are therapists of any use?

i have just discovered my husband is a pathological liar and a sex addict. (details at http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgiJ8ULxWK5WTJKpXZaC_jLty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080914011517AAWgLqS ). he has agreed to see a sex addiction therapist and joined sex addicts anonymous. when we went for couples’ counseling, the counselor said this was not the time for couples’ counseling – i needed individual counseling to start functioning properly – i have not been able to eat, sleep or work. when i first learnt about his lies i did not eat anything for 36 hours. i have seen an individual therapist and she has make me feel better, by sympathizing me – my husband is totally heartless and he is unaffected by my grief and tears – though he acts oh-so-caring in front of others and offered me a tissue in front of the counselor – something he never does at home. the counselor said we can begin to think about the relationship only after i have stabilized and he has got rid of his addiction – she said we don’t have a marriage now, he is married to the addiction.

are counselors of any use? will they be able to make me help the decision to stay or move out. my gut says i should move out but being from a conservative community i think if there is no physical abuse one should not move out. will the therapist give me courage to make the right decision, or will she just tell me what i want to hear, as my husband has done – he says what i want to hear, not what he feels, then blames me for it saying he said that because otherwise i would get angry.

thank you. i need a lot of support at this moment.