Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Does It Work Cost

My husband wants a second child, but I don’t for a variety of reasons. What should I do?

My husband and I have been in counseling for four months due to various significant marital conflicts. I worked at home full time and took care of my baby. He was frequently gone and didn’t contribute much to helping me with the baby but dished out alot of criticism on my choices in caring for our son. Over the years I allowed him to subtly abuse me verbally and emotionally. We are working through these issues. The years of criticism on caring for my son and how if I would have spent as much attention on our marriage as caring for our son we wouldn’t be in the situation we are. Honestly, he didn’t spend any more attention on our marriage as I did. Our days went like this: baby down by 7, dinner when he came home at 9, TV together until 11, work some more til 12, then bed. We did some family things on weekends and a few date nights a month. I didn’t think I was abandoning him. He has made extroidinary changes in himself since marriage counseling, Is loving and a great provider, helps around the house, helps with our son, is home when we need him, wants to spend family time together, etc……but…..

I told him I didn’t want anymore children. He is fuming. He has reminded me that before we married we talked about two kids. He told me if he knew this he never would have married me. I feel at this time I don’t want more kids. He has beat me into the ground with our son. I’m 39, tired all the time, underwent post partum depression with our son, had a placental abruption with our son (10% will have another one if they had one, also increased rish with high maternal age), and I have a blood clotting disorder that may have contributed to the clotting of my placenta and hence the abruption. I would have to go on blood thinners for the whole pregnancy. Not to mention the fear of Downs syndrome in babies born with women over 40. I am enjoying some freedom now that baby is 3. I want to start volunteering and doing some things to enrich myself spiritually. I enjoy working and don’t want to be a SAHM. I told my husband I am not sure I will want another child but to see what the future holds.

He doesn’t trust me. Says he would divorce me and find someone else who will have a child if I won’t. Says our son needs a sibling, that he wants to replace himself on this earth. He wants a daughter. He says we are doing God an injustice by not “bearing fruit” and giving our son a sibling.

Everyone tells me to just wait to see what the future holds. I don’t know if I’m being unfair to him to say NO….or unfair to myself to even consider it…..I truely don’t want another child. My husband complains of no time together as a couple, complains of getting up at 6am with our toddler, complains of how hard he has to work for the money we have, etc but swears he will do all the extra work necessary to care for a newborn as well as work even longer hours to help ensure the cost of a newborn- hence a toll on our marriage….I don’t know why he doesn’t see it this way……Do i just end it all now or keep on keeping on…??
Yes, Ann I know that my husband wants praise, etc and I give it to him. Have you ever heard of the phrase, If you want change to happen, be the change. I am trying to be the change and so is he. Have you heard of post traumatic stress syndrome? experts apply this to domestic violence in all forms of abuse. the times and I mean hundreds of times that my husband has put me down for loving and caring for our son was one of the darkest times in my life. The very thought of going through that again nauseates me. You have no idea of what i went through the first two years of my son’s life. Think before you pass judgement. But also remember the other details I mentioned about besides the abuse. There are physical reasons to not want another child, after all I am the one to carry and bear him/her and you bet I will be the one caring for it mostly. We have been together 10 years. I bet there is a decision or a thought you had ten years ago that you have since changed your mind about.
Oh and Ann- when I met him 10 years ago, I was 29, ran marathons, and didn’t know about my blood condition or that I would have a placental abruption. He was a strong personality yes, but was never abusive towards me. So the world was my oyster and I thought I did want two kids. How were you different 10 years ago?

is he planning on leaving me again?

My boyfriend and i have a 9 month old son together. our relatiionship was great up until i got pregnant, when I started accusing him of cheating on me. If he was 10 mins late from work, i assumed he was cheating. if he didnt answer his phone, i thought he was cheating. if i got up in the middle of the night for a glass of water and found him on the computer, i accused him of cheating. if he added a new female friend to facebook, i would ask her who she was, etc. and yes, assume he was cheating. it got to the point where he slept on the couch and me alone in our bed. I now realize these feelings were due to me being pregnant. I had no desire for sex whatsoever, and assumed that because I was not giving him anything, he must be going elsewhere.

Things only got worse after the baby was born. I still thought he was cheating, and we would fight over whos turn it was to try and put the baby down (my son had severe colic and would cry 16+ hrs a day, when my bf got home from work, I expected a break which i never got)

2 months ago my bf decided he couldnt take my accusations anymore. we had tried marriage counselling, only 2 sessions which he didnt find very helpful, said he didnt notice any changes. So he decided to go stay with his mom for a bit, then went out 2 weeks ago and signed a 1 year lease on a bachelor apartment!! since he rented his own place, he has been staying with me at the house we were renting, we were working things out, and our relationship had been better than ever. Until we went shopping for things for HIS new bachelor pad. then asked me to borrow my air conditioner ( landlord just installed central air) he said he wanted his bachelor apartment to be suitable for bringing our son to. I asked him where his new place was, he didnt want to tell me. said he will show me only when its all set up. I asked him why he was going out spending all this money on a place he didnt need cuz he was living back with me and our son in the house i have been paying all the bills for in the past 2 months, when my bf still owes me $2000 i lent him for a car, i asked him why was he wasting all this money when he should be helping me out?? he said because I have cost him so much already. I never wanted him to go out and sign a year lease! i was begging him to come back since the day he left, why is he doing this? our relationship has been amazing these past 2 weeks, why does he feel the need to waste all this money on things he doesnt need, unless he is planning on leaving me again?

is my boyfriend planning to leave me?

My boyfriend and i have a 9 month old son together. our relatiionship was great up until i got pregnant, when I started accusing him of cheating on me. If he was 10 mins late from work, i assumed he was cheating. if he didnt answer his phone, i thought he was cheating. if i got up in the middle of the night for a glass of water and found him on the computer, i accused him of cheating. if he added a new female friend to facebook, i would ask her who she was, etc. and yes, assume he was cheating. it got to the point where he slept on the couch and me alone in our bed. I now realize these feelings were due to me being pregnant. I had no desire for sex whatsoever, and assumed that because I was not giving him anything, he must be going elsewhere.

Things only got worse after the baby was born. I still thought he was cheating, and we would fight over whos turn it was to try and put the baby down (my son had severe colic and would cry 16+ hrs a day, when my bf got home from work, I expected a break which i never got)

2 months ago my bf decided he couldnt take my accusations anymore. we had tried marriage counselling, only 2 sessions which he didnt find very helpful, said he didnt notice any changes. So he decided to go stay with his mom for a bit, then went out 2 weeks ago and signed a 1 year lease on a bachelor apartment!! since he rented his own place, he has been staying with me at the house we were renting, we were working things out, and our relationship had been better than ever. Until we went shopping for things for HIS new bachelor pad. then asked me to borrow my air conditioner ( landlord just installed central air) he said he wanted his bachelor apartment to be suitable for bringing our son to. I asked him where his new place was, he didnt want to tell me. said he will show me only when its all set up. I asked him why he was going out spending all this money on a place he didnt need cuz he was living back with me and our son in the house i have been paying all the bills for in the past 2 months, when my bf still owes me $2000 i lent him for a car, i asked him why was he wasting all this money when he should be helping me out?? he said because I have cost him so much already. I never wanted him to go out and sign a year lease! i was begging him to come back since the day he left, why is he doing this? our relationship has been amazing these past 2 weeks, why does he feel the need to waste all this money on things he doesnt need, unless he is planning on leaving me again?

I want a divorce but are these valid reasons to get one?

I dont believe in divorce but, I’ve reached the point where I no longer want to be with my husband, am I being to harsh? I’d like your honest opinions. Plz real answers.

Have we tried working it out, yes I can honestly say we have. We’ve talked about our troubles. We have gone to marriage counseling and have spent time apart to give each other room.

Here are some of the reasons I want to leave him…….(not in any order)

1. His side of the family……
a. they have stolen from us (money, clothes, shoes, 5 different mp3 players, kids blankets, tv, play station 1, and our car……et cetera.)
b. they are criminals (arrests that include drugs, weapons,prostitution, theft, and violence)

2. He’s an alcoholic. his drinking has cost us alot, our home, car, money and his freedom (arrested) He says he’s gonna quit but he hasnt.

3. Easily influenced by his peers. basically all his friends have to say his jump and he says how high

4. Doesnt communicate. They say communication is key to a good relationship. Not with my husband. Things he’s done without talkng to me first (bought/sold a/our car, renewed a loan, pawned our stuff, lent/given out money)

Other minor things include, not calling me in over 24 hrs, lying to me that he was at work but was really out with the boys, leaving out of town for 2days with his family after I asked him to stay, got mad at me cuz I didnt do his laundry even though I dont live w/him. Theres more but I dont have the energy to type it all.

Dont get me wrong he’s a good guy. But I think Im done w/him. God knows I’ve tried. He wasnt this way before. I still care for him very much and he provides financially and I know he loves us. i just dont think his effort is 100%
VITALITY: Im in the US

UUCHURCHLADY: thanks for saying what i’ve never admitted to myself….I am his doormat.

SLOVAKIA: i suppose thats the biggest reason i havent left before, becuz im afraid i’ll regret it. but that excuse is getting old and like uuchurchlady said im his doormat and letting all these things happen to me.

KEVIN: I got married cuz I was pregnant. I actually didnt want too but he proposed and my family wouldnt hear of me being a single mom. stupid reason to get married I know, sue me i was in my early 20′s and scared. But I did love him. as for his faults…..1. his family before we were married was never an issue becuz in the 10 years i knew him before i must have mingled with his family a total of 5 times. He always said he didnt want me exposed to them. Back then when they were younger they werent as bad as now, just punks but now they’re full time criminals. We started mingling more with them cuz they complained I was the only spouse that was out of