Susan asks…
Sex. How often should it be enjoyed in a married couple?
I want to know. how often one can have sex with his/her partner after marriage, taking health into consideration. is it good to have it many times a week?? pls help
MarriageCounseling answers:
I would honestly have it once a week.
Too much and it’ll get boring very fast.
Want to keep the spark burning in the relationship dont we?
Sandy asks…
How common was it for men to have sex before marriage in the Victorian Era?
I know that women were not considered ‘as good’ or whatever if they had sex before marriage, but what about men? Was it common for men to have sex before marriage? Who would they have sex with? Prostitutes? Or were men often times virgins before marriage as well?
MarriageCounseling answers:
Depends on the class. Professionals and gentry were frequent visitors to Paris and many had some experience of prostitutes there as well as here? Working men probably used tarts and the million or so sailors in those days would have sex abroad as well in brit ports. Due to the lack of available birth control and the prescence of Chaparones the upper class couple waited until they were married.
Chris asks…
Girlfriend thinks sex before marriage is a sin.?
My girlfriend I have been with for 9 months think sex before marriage is a sin about 7 months after we started dating. We didn’t start having sex till about 2 months after we started dating and she was totally fine with it, she is also a christian and I have some religious beliefs but not major I do believe in god though. We both really do love each other, my feeling for her are so high majority of the time I think we were made for each other we get along so well, we also do tell each other that we feel like our spirits are already married that’s how strong we feel about each other. I feel so much closer and stronger about our love, I feel that when we do have sex and after sex it strengthens our bond for each other I know 8 months seems so short but I feel so strongly about this relationship. So her all the sudden her telling me she feels bad for having sex so often she doesn’t want to do it anymore, I feel that the sudden stop in being intimate with her will put our relationship in danger of breaking up, also I feel lost and weak if we cannot be intimate its been 2 months since our last time being intimate.
She feels so strongly that sex before marriage all the sudden is a sin and she does not want to have sex anymore how come she didn’t feel this way before we even started having sex shes always known in her beliefs that sex before marriage is a sin but now why so late is she taking action? Can someone please tell me how I can better my self or possibly turn this all around for the sake of the relationship also I was not raised to believe sex before marriage was a sin so I see it as its okay to do so only if you truly love the person and I love definitely her and definitely want to marry her one day. So what can I do? By the way shes 20 turning 21 this year and I’m 19 turning 20 this year.
MarriageCounseling answers:
As the “man” in the relationship, you should support her. When you say, “I feel that the sudden stop in being intimate with her will put our relationship in danger of breaking up”, what you are saying is, that your relationship cannot survive without sex. That says that your relationship wouldn’t be strong enough to handle a marriage, which, from my impression, is the direction this relationship is going. Perhaps she is realizing that she needs God in her life now and because of that, she wants to get her life straight, which would mean not having sex with you. By persuading her otherwise, you are a) not respecting her decision (which would mean you don’t actually love her) and b) not being the supportive boyfriend you should be. I can’t tell you how to “turn this around”, but I can tell you that what you are doing, is not the direction you want to be going if you want this relationship to succeed. You should have a talk with her about why she feels the way she does, not interrupting or offering alternatives, but just being completely accepting, showing her that you can be the man that deserves to one day (when you are married) have sex with her.
Daniel asks…
Is it just religion that believes getting married w/o having had sex (while married) yet is not real marriage?
Say a couple just got married, but haven’t had sex yet. Perhaps for a number of reasons. Like she just got a yeast infection (for a number of reasons), they had a car crash on the day of the wedding and one/both of the couple is in the hospital, the woman was forced to marry at 18 and thus feels she is still not ready for sex (this is actually the case with a friend of mine), or any NUMBER of reasons.
But, obviously, these legal or religious institutions would only care about the bare fact that the couple hasn’t had sex. Well, for one, wouldn’t people naturally just ASSUME that a couple has had sex after marriage? And really, how is anyone who knows the couple going to know for sure what their sex life is like, unless you blatantly ask “do you have sex? How often?”, and WHO is actually going to ask that?
So, how can you say that not having sex (which may have resulted for a VARIETY of reasons (some very real and legit reasons)) yet being married means you’re not REALLY married? It’s the legal binding that means your married. At marriage ceremonies, they declare the couple husband & wife before the ceremony is over. So, therefore, before they even get a chance to be alone and have sex, they are ALREADY MARRIED.
Therefore, I ASSUME that the legal part of marriage just cares about the marriage papers / marriage liscence / etc. They don’t care if/when/how/how much the couple has sex. Therefore, I assume, it is only religion that has created this “if you don’t have sex upon marriage you are not married”? Once again, like citing my 18 year old friend who was forced (by her religion—mormon) to marry on her 18th birthday, there may be some very good reasons for not having had sex yet.
I’m 21, just about to graduate university. Just so people don’t say “you’re too young to ask this.”
MarriageCounseling answers:
The only church that I have heard of that requires that a marriage be “consummated” with sex is the Roman Catholic church. And no, my church does not force women to marry at the age of 18. Is she a member of an apostate group like the FLDS?
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