Your Questions About Does Marriage Counseling Work Divorce

MarriageCounseling answers:

The best thing you can do is make sure you are financially self sufficient. Make sure you have a job that can support you and your son, make sure you can get health insurance, make sure you have credit in your own name, start putting money aside for yourself and your son, start looking around for where you want to live and how much you will have to spend to live. Assume that no one will help you – and you will have to raise your son on your own. It can be done. If you have an exit plan in place and feel confident in your ability to take care of yourself and your son then you will feel confident in no allowing someone to abuse you. Once you are ready, tell him to get the hell out of your life.

MarriageCounseling answers:

While I agree with what many of the others are saying about the importance of privacy and not complaining to your family about your spouse in the case of most normal relationships….

…this is NOT A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!

What in the name of bleeding Jesus is wrong with you people? Did you read this question? The abuse has been so pronounced that the husband actually went to jail! How in the hell do you suggest someone who has had to call the police on a spouse is going to “keep” that from the family?

Don’t listen to these dingbats, honey. Listen to your mother. You need to divorce this guy, before he hurts you or the child.

MarriageCounseling answers:

That’s a really tough situation you’re in. I feel for you. Here’s my opinion though…
I think you need to seriously sit down and think about some things. 1: Why was your wife so depressed that she was drinking and needed prescription help? It’s likely that you’ll find that her current position of wanting a divorce probably did exist before, and maybe even contribute to, her depression.
2: Do you believe that she’s being herself on this medication? Personally, it sounds to me like she’s been in a fog for awhile, and she’s coming out of it. Part of getting over depression is trying to change what depressed you in the first place.
3. Most importantly, do you really REALLY want to stay in a marriage where you wife isn’t happy? Not necessarily because of her feelings, but yours? It would be exhausting to be the only one trying to ”fix” a marriage. Not only exhausting, but impossible. She has made it very clear that she doesn’t want counseling “i.e. I’m over it, and I don’t want to make it work.” She even said that she would go to counseling if it would help you get over the divorce only. That says to me that she doesn’t hate you or wish bad things for you, only that she doesn’t want to remain married to you. It honestly sounds like she has been unhappy for quite some time, and is tired of pretending. That gets exhausting for a person. This may explain her “out of control behavior”…it’s new to you, but it doesn’t mean she’s crazy. Think of how a dog acts if it’s been caged for awhile. Her feeling this way doesn’t at all necessarily have anything to do with whether or not you were a good husband. If what she says is true, and she’s been wanting a divorce for 6 years, then she had issues very early on in your marriage. Basically from the point where the newness of it all started to wear off. Just try to understand that a marriage that only one person is happy in isn’t truly a marriage at all. NEITHER of you would be happy. If it’s a phase or something she’s going through, you might just get her back. My advice is to try to be understanding (without an agenda). Tell her how shocked you are about it all, and how sorry you are that you didn’t notice before how unhappy she was (I’m wondering why you didn’t). If she wants a divorce, give her one. And if you want the whole thing to go better for the kids, let everything go along smoothly without a lot of fighting, at least in their presence. Coming from a family who’s parents fought constantly, I know how hard it is on a kid. I truly hope I have at least given you a little insight to how she might be feeling, that was my intention. I hope that you get through this and that it all works out for the best. Try talking to someone (that counseling might not be a bad idea) just to get some of this out. A friend, anyone really. Just someone who will listen. It will help you think more clearly, if you’re thinking out loud.

MarriageCounseling answers:

I’ve been happily married for 13 years. There have been many good times and many bad times. I think the keys to a good marriage is a strong love for one another, respect for one another, and an acceptance of one another. You must let eachother be yourselves. Don’t try to change the other person to suit you – let them be themselves – at least for the most part – things like toilet seats and general husband training not included. You must realize that the other person is still another person and not an extension of yourself. Love your spouse, respect your spouse, and allow your spouse to be who they are. The other person has to want to come home to you everyday. You can’t force it and expect the other person to like it.

I would say that the biggest cause of breakups and divorce is the level of selfishness of one or both people.

There will be problems and hard times. Sometimes, when there is a problem, you really have to stop and say, ” Hey, maybe its me”.

A happy marriage is a good possibility with the right couple. My wife and I are proof of it and so are my parents, my grandparents, and some friends of mine.

Love, Selflessness, Respect, Compromise, (and some good lovin) go a long, long way…