Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Does It Work Divorce

Should I continue to work on my marriage or file for divorce?

My husband and I had been having problems in our 4 1/2 year marriage. On New Years Eve, I called his cell phone and checked his cell phone messages and a female co-worker left a message asking him to go out to dinner. We had a very heated arguement the entire evening about it leading into the new year. I am fed up because the was the second time I found out he was lying and keeping friendships with female coworkers secret. That night went out of control because my husband tried to commit suicide. Nevertheless, I stayed because I felt that we could work through our problems. He had apologized for taking through all of this and he had been trying to do better as we have been going to counseling. Although we have been going through counseling he does not want to change his cell phone number or want me to look at his cell phone and ask him questions about the numbers in his phone. Is this a sign that he still talking with the female even though he told to stop calling him?

What do you think of my marriage/divorce choices?

My husband and I have had arguments lately because he spends too much money on wrong things and neglects the bills. I have been so frustrated that I have yelled at him, and told him he is acting very selfish. Yesterday he did an unthinkable thing. While I was at work he packed up the entire house and left, taking with him everything except $300 and several dogs, and 11 puppies. We are chihuahua breeders. I work full time and his job was to take care of the dogs.

I talked to him and told him how shocked I am because I didn’t have a clue exactly how bad our situation was. He told me he still loves me, he wants to stay married with me, but he needed to have his own place. He said he was afraid to tell me his plans because he was deathly afraid I might yell at him again. He is suppossed to call me today.

These are the 3 options I came up with.

A) If he truly loves me, then he needs to sincerely realize what he’s done is wrong and apologize for his behavior and promise me he will never do this to me again. He needs to get counseling to deal with his issues which eventually includes me so we can work on our problems together. He also needs to immediately return half of the stuff.

B)He can return to the house and I will leave. He can assume full responsibility of the dogs and puppies and get a roommates if needed. If we are planning on working on our marriage, then we can discuss my contributions to the house. And if we decide it does not work out, then we can divorce, split the property and sell the house.

C)If he does not choose A or B, then he chose C which is I consider him gone and its over. I will move out of the house and cease all communications with him except to divorce him. I will report him to the police for theft of my things. I will find another solution for the dogs, but if I take them to the shelter the puppies will be put to sleep.

When close to divorce, what saved your marriage?

Me and hubby were close to divorcing last july. We tried counseling, bought those marriage tapes, took small trips, anything to try to save it. All we did was end up fighting. We went our separate ways(we didn’t date anyone else), and had no communication for 5 weeks. I was heartbroken! All that time alone with friends and myself to think(and miss him so much) made it all worthwhile when we got back together.

We now have a wonderful marriage. We moved into a great apartment, and he got a job(he never worked for the 6 years we we together) and he’s even paying bills and helping me clean the apartment!

So, what did you do to make your marriage work?

Can I make my marriage work for my children?

I am really needing some advice on my marriage. Background info-Married for 10 years with 2 kids, ages 4 & 7. Dated 4 yrs before getting married. Met when I was 18yrs old, he is 4 yrs older. The last 2 years of dating where long distance, so figured if we made it thru that would be ok. Hind sight is always 20/20. I have realized that I gave way too much in the dating years and early marriage, and did not receive much in return. He has never been one to do those little things. I eventually got tired of being disappointed and stopped doing as many of those “little things.” Over the last few years we have grown apart. He has never been much of a communicater, but it got even less. We rarely had sex, and I blamed myself. Kept thinking must be something wrong with me,maybe hormones or depression. Even tried taking an antidepressant for awhile, but didn’t help. I have come to realize that it wasn’t that I didn’t want to have sex, just did not want to with him. Our 10 year anniversary came this past summer. We planned a trip to Mexico, thought maybe some alone time would help. WRONG!! it was the worst trip ever. We couldn’t have been any more distant from each other. I was at the point his breathing irritated me. I did psych myself up into having sex with him, and then it ended up being over in bout 3 minutes, which only made the rest of the trip even more awkward. We decided then either we do counseling, or divorce. We did start therapy the next week after we got home. About 6 weeks into counseling we had our family vacation to the beach. During that trip I caught him snooping thru my phone, which only made think what did he have to hide. And sure enough he did. Later that day, I did some snooping myself and found a few texts to # I didn’t recognize (# was also saved under jumbled letters). Researched the number, and found out it was a girl from high school he a crush on. When I looked at phone records, he had been calling/texting her for bout 6 months, constantly for the last 3. He would text her every nite when getting a “nitecap” in hotel bar while I was getting kids ready for bed. Sent her pics of the beach. Even would text her in front of me, and tell me it was a friend or his brother. I kept what I knew to myself for about a week, then confronted him. He swore it was only talk, that they never had sex. Swore they never even met, and hadn’t even seen her around town. Him telling white lies has been a problem for years too, so I never believed that they hadn’t met in person. This was discussed in counseling, and he convinced the counselor that they had never met either. After a few weeks, i decided to contact this woman. And as I suspected, they had met a few times in person. She also claimed that there was nothing sexual. He had lied to her also, telling her I knew they were texting and that I didn’t care. I dont think they had sex; however, that would make more sense to me since he wasnt getting it at home. His disrespect and lies have made me very angry and resentful of him. When things got rough, I blamed myself, and he sought out someone to stroke his ego. We have been in counseling now for bout 7 months, and my feelings haven’t changed. I still cannot stand to be in the same room with him, and the thought of him touching me makes me physically ill. I do not trust him, or even like him at this point. He has been trying to do the “Love Dare”. But it is very hard to accept his “dares” when he has never done those things before. It feels too little too late. But we do have two children that I must think about. Can I ever get to the point of being able to be comfortable around him again? Do you stay for the kids if I cant? I’m happy with every other part of my life: friends, work, kids..But I feel so guilty to want to be happy in marriage if it meaning sacrificing the happiness of my children. He is a good father, and hate for them to have their family split up. But how can you change your feelings when it has gotten this far???