Your Questions About Marriage And Family Counseling License

I dont know what side to take on divorce, am I a quitter if I leave?

my marriage is in the gutter, not for lack of trying, I HAVE tried. For over 4 years now, and for awhile I just decided that was that and let it be but over the last year and a half (since the birth of my son) I have started to realize that my husband lack of effort is unacceptable. There is no excuse good enough to not be with your family. I have told him time and time again that he needs to be home more and you know what he did last night.. got his permit and license started to be our county’s wildlife trapper (meaning he will be called out all times of the day & night to trap wild animals within city limits) This after I told him we needed him more. But then I get people in my life/on here saying that I cant quit, you didnt get married to quit etc.. but how long do I have to suffer, am I supposed to be this meek little wife sitting in the back waiting for him to notice me & his son? F that. I deserve better, his son deserves better. I set up counseling, we went, nothing changed

Very jealous boyfriend boyfriend among other issues why do I keep going back?

He’s a 42 yr old man with 2 children divorced after 22 years of marriage. It only took about 2 months for him to start drinking way more often than I would ever condone in my home. I guess he was hiding how much he drank in the beginning. He would get wasted just about every night with his son who wasn’t even 21 at the time or anyone who would drink with him. His drinking led to crude behaviors toward women (asking his sons date if he’d “hit that” or his friends to come home with us (threesome!!!)) the most appalling mental abuse ie. name calling, demeaning comments in front of his friends but never in front of mine.
He began behaving erratically towards both myself and toward his family. What I mean is screaming, yelling, punching himself in the head, shaking and grabbing at me.
If I wanted to go out to dinner with the girls he would make it like it was fine for me (32 yr old) to go out but when I arrived home I would get the third degree with all kinds of accusations, calling me a whore etc. because I missed one of his 22 phone calls in 2 hours. I eventually found it easier to just stay home.

I have left him (he has promised to get counseling and stop drinking) 3 or 4 times in the past 1 1/2 yr. I get the “I will do whatever it takes” email I have one dated 7/08, 12/08, 3/09 & 9/09. I feel terrible for his 11 year old daughter who I’m going to miss tremendously. She has not known her father to be this much fun in the entire 4 years she’s been visiting. Before I came he would sleep all day then take her to do something like eat at the boardwalk then drop her off (on most visits not all). I have a son so when we had family days we had meals at home, trips and a lot of healthy family activities (just what she needed).

He has been using steroids on and off over the past year and a half, occasionally (at least once a week) pops Xanax just to sleep, drinks 6-7 days a week unless he’s trying to get his foot back in the door. When I try to leave him I receive no less than 35 phone calls, texts and emails per day for as long as 3-4 wks. He has now resorted to showing up unexpectedly after being told not to come anywhere near me or my home. He has forced his way in grabbing and pushing me and insisted that he was not leaving. I didn’t call the police because I worry about his daughter. He would have gotten charged that evening with aggravated assault, DUI, breaking and entering and definitely a restraining order. Possibly losing his job, his visitation, his license etc.
I feel really strong and have decided that he will not put me through this again but I worry every day that I’ll crack. I feel like more often than not I go back out of guilt. He leaves messages asking “how could u do this to me?”, “How could you do this to the kids?” and “I love you, I will never hurt you again I’m sorry” then I get messages within minutes where he says “You’re a b@#ch, you need help, see that’s why it your fault not mine”. “Go f*@k him have fun whore”. He always pulls the “have fun with him” or “he’s ugly” or “good luck with him” when he knows there is no “him”. WHY?
The saddest part is that he would give the shirt off his back and is always concerned about other peoples feelings or helping others until he is under pressure or having a bad day or DRUNK.
Believe me I typically would be thinking what an idiot this girl is. I just can’t believe I put up with this for over a year.

What would you do if you were in this situation, honest answers please? Sorry so long…please read. Thanks!?

I have been married to the same guy for 22 years and we have 2 teens together. We are fairly compatible (or so I thought when we got together) but we are having issues and have for a few years now. Hubby is very stubborn, opinionated and inflexible and has been since day 1. I am co-dependent and an enabler but we had a fairly stable and happy marriage.

Last year he got very sick and almost died, he had diabetes, severe high blood pressure and kidney failure. He lost all the R foot toes and has dementia symptoms after several small strokes. He has ED and we have not had sex in 13 years…and all of these issues come from his refusal to take care of his health. He was warned by me, the kids, other family, friends, heck almost everyone who knows him is not surprised that he is dying. My issue is that now he is disabled and still does not take care of himself, but some of that is from the dementia and strokes. His MD and the dept. of health say that he will get worse but for now is still able to care for himself…with a lot of help from me. We have no intimacy now, we can’t even sleep in the same bed because he has night terrors and beats me up in his sleep…and yes, he IS asleep not just being a jerk.

My kids feel no bond with their father anymore (especially my son who is 18 and hates his dad for doing this to us) and tell me they are just waiting to move out or for him to die. They fight with him all the time because he acts like a child and is very irrational due to his illnesses. He is in and out of the hospital and every time he gets out I wonder if it is the last time. I am lonely, tired and frustrated and feel like just walking away while I am still young enough to salvage some happiness in my life. He just refuses to deal with all of his issues and at this point there is no hope of any healing…too many years of abuse and neglect.

He can’t work and I lost my job in April, so we are surviving on my unemployment and the kids’ part-time job help…and I feel horrible. We are all in counseling and on anti-depressants and our home is a very sad place. Even hubby’s mom and other family members are saying I should divorce him and just walk away…I have divorce papers but feel awful filing until he gets disability so he can support himself. My parents are in FL and they want me to leave him and go south to start a new life, but my daughter is still in HS and she asked me to wait until she graduates to leave. I feel trapped and soooooo frustrated, hubby lost his drivers’ license so I have to take him everywhere and that means I have no life to speak of. I feel rotten about leaving him but I know he didn’t care enough to take care of himself and be healthy for our later years.

Any advice out there? What would you do and why? Am I a monster for leaving a disabled, impotent and sick spouse? I have not cheated on him even when I had the chance to…I am a Christian and have been praying for months…but there seems to be no answer or change in our situation. Sometimes I feel like we have been forgotten. Thank you for your time and advice.
For the record, I didn’t turn my kids against their father…he did that all by himself by not giving a sh*t about his body and what he did to it over his lifetime.
If you answer my post just to say hateful things…well then keep your answers to yourself.
We did apply for disability and I have tried to find care for him…the state and federal agencies say he is “not bad enough yet”. I won’t just abandon him until he has the care he needs. I do still care for him, which is why this hurts so much.

Yes I did marry him for better or worse, in sickness and in health…but he has a duty according to the Bible to be the head of his household and step up to “care for and love his wife”. My pastor has tried repeatedly to council him and us together…he refuses and told him to mind his own buisness. The pastor and the deacons advised me to do a Biblical separation and then a divorce…they said it is not often that they would advise such a thing but in this case it is warranted. They told me that he failed his family by being selfish, so in the eyes of the church he broke his vows.
Thanks to those who took the time to read my long post and give me thoughtful and truthful answers. I realized that not everyone would be kind or agree with me or even understand…but I am grateful you took the time to answer. To those who said I “made them sick”…well, we all have our crosses to bear and no matter what I decide I will have my own hell to live with. God bless you .

newly weds – what do you think about my hubby and me?

When we got married we were virgins over our wedding i began gaining some weight for tough reasons and the relationship.

any way we didn’t consummate the marriage until after 3months together, after that i always felt like my hubby doesn’t like me that much and we got in to a lot of arguments too because he was doing what his family wanted and he wasn’t keeping promises he had made when i agreed to marry him.
until two weeks ago we only did it once a month. now after relationship counselling which we did not complete! he is doing it every night or morning, but he doesn’t want me going to the gym and he didn’t want me spending money getting body waxes. any way we always have one problem he can’t make a full penetration. And some times i just think he is weird or im not too sure about what is going on in his head. i spent yesterday talking to him about asian Fashion and models which he was very interested in knowing about all that girly stuff, but he didn’t want me spending on the right dress i wanted for myself and his family and him were upset because i wore white on my wedding instead of red – but he had told me he didn’t like red until yesterday and his mum and sis wanted me to wear dark maroon or brown which i really hate.
One day i was talking about getting my pretty and good looking decent lingerie but before i could do it and even before he even let me go out for a body wax he came into bed got completely naked, and i was like completely ewwwww and i told him don’t go for the full.. yikes. yesterday he asked to rub lotion all over him and i burst out laughing and said never! he would grow pimples every where and spots, and the bed sheets would be really disgusting. then he got embarrassed and said no he has dry knees and elbows and things, and i tried to be nice to him and told him to see his doc again because he has some terrible eczema infection or some thing there. also, i just recently forced my hubby to spend money on and buy a face wash and face cream at least if nothing else, he didn’t know any thing about those things, i also made sure he got some thing decent for his skin as he is 30 and has those fine lines come up under his eyes. i am going to make him shave his head he is bald but has long left over hair on head. When he met me he had shaved his head but for our wedding his mum told him to try and grow some hair and take care of it so more grows back. But i make him shampoo his hair more than once a week, he washes every thing with water every morning but i told him he has to use more shampoo. At least i cured his dandruff and got to buy some new clothes. i also argued a lot with him about not having the rght things or any furniture in the house. /:
i made him buy a small car this week, he has a driving license but he wanted to save up to send money to his family and pay for his earning brothers until i argued about that as the first thing when we early on got married.

I think my hubby is going to cheat on me, of course when he has the right chance and some one good interested in him. he doesn’t care about me taking care of me.
I make my hubby eat wellman vitamins now and then. He use to take asian herbal remedies which i don’t allow him to take any more.
All New Truth – You sound like a dumb loser. And i bet you are single or are druggy tramp.
geez louise – yes actually, we are a successful couple just because things are not perefectly perfect all the time in your little dream world doesn’t mean people aren’t successful or capable.
you know nothing about real life relationships. u probably havent even had a decent one, any one, or aren’t even married yet.
louise – how many failed relationships have you had?
I haven’t ever had one failed relationship in my life and that is the sort of man i married.