Don’t Trust Your Spouse

I often hear people use the word "trust" in marriage, like "I don't feel I can trust him anymore."

It goes along with the phrase "unconditional love."

There are no such things in mature relationships.

If you are still depending on these things to be present in your relationship, you are being a child and under a spell of fantasy.

In mature relationships of ALL kinds, not only marriage, our reliance on another person is based on experience and judgment, not upon blind trust.

I suggest you use the word "confidence" instead of trust.

Confidence can be earned and it can be lost.

It helps put mature relationships into proper focus when you see that they are actually conditional and dependent upon good behavior.

Earn confidence and expect your partner to earn your confidence.

Dr. Max