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{ 14 comments }
It is indeed frustrating. I have seen few who have gone through marriage counseling make any progress. I’d call it a day.
I’d go in to the marriage counseling office and lay all my points out on the table. You’ve got one hour to get it all out. Don’t play Mr. Nice Guy. If she’s not changing, you’re wasting your time in counseling. The marriage has been over for a while.
Lying isn’t going to make anything better for you either. Let the counselor know that you feel nothing is coming of the months of counseling, and that you feel your wife hasn’t changed much. Usually blame is a 2 way street, maybe the counselor will have some insight. Or change counselors if this one isn’t giving you the right advice. Best of luck.
Sure! That flip is going to then be the topic of conversation for the next couple of sessions…might throw your wife and the counselor for a loop…
In all fairness – my husband and I had a no sex stint (due to much bigger problems) and all he hung on was the lack of sex…even his counselor told him to stuff it…that other issues needed to be worked out and the love (and sex) would come back. That counselor was right. I don’t know though – it took us about 6 months to pull it together and eventually do the deed…I can understand your frustation at the lenghty process. Good luck!
No. What you should say in your next session is exactly what you said here: that you are frustrated that nothing is changing, and that you are so frustrated that you are considering giving up.
No, you should tell the therapist and your wife how you feel. Unless you want to get divorced, you need to do the work. This means that you need to be honest about your feelings. Tell them both that its all one sided and you don’t like it. If you don’t think your therapist is doing his/her job, get a new one.
Either you need to change couselors or let her know in front of the couselor that you can’t continue living your life this way. Maybe you two need to get a seperation.
Cancel the appointment and stop wasting time with this counselor. Learn to solve your own problems.
I suggest explaining to the counselor that the therapy has not brought about any change and you expect to see change or else you will take your business elsewhere. That’s what I would do. In fact, I am doing the same thing you are. We’re currently working on communication and anger issues. Once we get through enough of that, I will bring up the “getting love” issues. I expect to see results after a reasonable period of time. If not, I will explain to the counselor that the therapy has not worked and that I will stop paying him for a service that has proved to be ineffective.
First rule, you can’t change someone else. You can only change you. If your spouse isn’t filling you up emotionally then chances are she isn’t going to start now. The sad part is eventually you will build resentment and start looking in other places for your cup to be filled. I don’t necessarily mean an affair either. You can find it lots of places, a hobby, a group, friends, co-workers, etc………your spouse just won’t be a part of it. Been there, done that. Good luck!
wow, that sucks. Like we’ve discussed on my question, that’s just how she is. I don’t know if she showed before you were married but I never pretended to be anyone other than who I am and he still married me so he already knew to become friends with his hand except for 3-4 times a month.
I bet you have a woman therapist too huh? that blows dude..i’m sorry. Unfortunately, I have to say yea. Lie about it. Sounds like you’ll just keep talking in circles and wasting time if you don’t
instead of marriage counseling, how about sex therapy? I’ve been thinking about it for myself because our lack is due to my issues from my past
Go in there and start saying you have a split personality and you really think you are the family’s dog and you want to do is hump your wife’s leg.
Embarrass your wife in couciling and she won’t want to show her face again there..
Joe, go in there and tell her what you just said in your post. You are still letting your wife control you in every aspect. You were suppose to go to resolve this issue. I don’t understand why you agreed to stop complaining about it.
All you can do is love her for who she is and always will be, or leave her and get a divorce. There is no easy way.
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