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{ 7 comments }
For us, it really wasn’t “counseling.” We talked about our feelings on finances and children. We discussed the ceremony plans with our pastor. We communicated about our personality differences and the pastor gave us suggestions for a happy, long marriage like his. It’s hard to tell you exactly what to expect because I am sure it’s different for everyone. Just ask the officiant what his/her requirements will be and what you can expect from the sessions.
i just asked that to the church sec’y. she said to just show up. the preacher only gives you homework if they don’t know you well.
it really depends on what religion you are. my friends are catholic and the priest went into sex details if they are doing it how many times. if they live together all sorts of stuff. they do problem solve and see how you handle fights too, sometimes they give you retreats too.
If you are Catholic, they will tell you the only point of marriage is to have kids and if you don’t want kids you should not be getting married. Then they teach you about the rhythym method of birth control, which does not work. Of course “preacher” sounds Protestant, so maybe it will be normal.
It really all depends on the church and the preacher. At first when he told us that we had to go in for 3 pre-martial appointments I was a little hesitant. I felt like it would be uncomfortable or awkward…but as it turns out I really enjoyed it. He just asked us different things about our backgrounds, how we grew up or habits in regards to money, our thoughts on children. Basically he wanted to make sure that he brought up everything he felt needed to be said before getting married. I actually learned a lot from it.
But, ever preacher/pastor is different. My friend got married in a Catholic church and the very first thing he asked was “Are you co-habitating?” Which of course basically means, “Are you having sex?” It was really awkward, but she was somewhat expecting that, so she knew how to respond.
But, don’t worry to much…most of the time it is fairly easy.
It depends on the preacher. The sessions we went to with our minister were not really a big deal. We more talked to him about our relationship and during one session about specifics for our ceremony. It wasn’t a big deal.
We also did a pre-marital counseling through a program at the college where we were in grad school. We figured since it was free (because we went to the school) that we might as well take advantage of it. It was a little bit more involved but we learned a lot. We each filled out a questionaire separately and there was some sort of method for comparing our answers. Our counselor used those results as a guide to the things that we talked about. We have a strong relationship so it wasn’t a huge deal but I could see how it might be uncomfortable for some couples if they have not already discussed certain issues.
I have no idea what your preacher will talk to you about. I will tell you what happened at our meeting with the priest (Catholic church). I had asked what to expect and nothing prepared me for what was asked. I was SHOCKED! (Laugh about it now, though!)
First, general stuff. Names, addresses, etc. Then they send one person away and ask the other questions. This, apparently, is to make sure neither is being forced into this commitment.
The questions start off general enough…maid of honor, best man, etc….then they get to the kind of uncomfortable….do you fight, how do you resolve arguements….then came the absolutely bizarre… The priest asked us each, separately, if we had ever “bedded” (I believe that was the term he used) the other’s father/brother or mother/sister. I was so flabbergasted I had to ask the priest what he was talking about!
Just a heads up. Don’t know if the Baptist church would ask this or similar questions, but I sure as heck would have liked a forewarning!
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